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andvys · 2 days ago

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The edges of your soul (I haven't seen yet) ⭐︎ chapter fourteen

⭐︎ The devil in your eyes, won't deny the lies you've sold

Warnings: angst, hurt/(no) comfort, jealousy jealousy jealousy, jealous!Steve, mentions of death, mentions of killing, alcohol consumption. some slight Aaron x sunshine (but not really?)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: As you, Nancy and Eddie get settled into the community, looking forward for a break from the trip across the country -- Steve can't wait for the week to be over...

Word count: 14k

Author's note: First things first, @hellfire--cult wrote half of this chapter, which is A LOT. she wrote the entire dinner scene aka THE BESTEST PART OF THIS CHAPTER ! so please please please give her the credit she deserves, and the LOVE. Second, I hope you guys are ready for the community chapters cause I am hehehe

series masterlist ⭐︎ previous chapter

☀︎

The night passed quickly, and not once did you leave Eddie’s side, nor did Nancy or Steve. Aaron offered to take you to the cabin you’d all be sharing, but you all refused to split up, at least until after you are one hundred percent sure that this community is safe – you didn’t tell him that, but it’s what you all felt. Even with the group of Hawkins having been here before, you still wanted to wait.

Aaron showed that he could be trusted; the other doctors and nurses did too, but you could never be too sure in a world like this.

You fell asleep on the chair next to Eddie’s bed, the blanket you were given last night, still wrapped around your shoulders. Nancy is on his other side, curled up into the uncomfortable chair with her jacket wrapped around her.

And Steve, he is in the corner of the room, sitting by the window. He didn’t sleep a wink last night, even with you in the room, he couldn’t find rest. The guilt and the sadness lie heavy on his shoulders. His eyes constantly move back to you, tracing your features, watching you sleep, wishing he could hold you the way he normally could.

It’s over now.

Your head is leaning against the side of Eddie’s bed, cheek pressed against the mattress. Your skin looks soft beneath the rays of the rising sun seeping through the blinds. You look so pure, innocent, so soft. He wants to protect you. He wants to hold you, to never let go. He wants a world in which he could give you everything you desire, everything he desires.

His heart aches. It aches so strongly.

The door opens slowly, and Steve straightens his back, hoping to see the older doctor whose name he hasn’t learned yet, but it’s Aaron. He gives him a nod as he steps inside, carrying a tray with cups, sugar sticks and a pot.

“Got you some coffee.” Aaron murmurs softly, carrying it over to the small table beside Steve.

“Thanks.” Steve nods, trying to smile but it comes out as a grimace. There is something about the man that he doesn’t like.

“You’re welcome, buddy.”

Steve’s lips curl into a frown. A sour taste settles on his tongue. Buddy?

His face hardens a little as he watches Aaron walk over to Eddie’s side. He puts his hand on the monitor, checking on Eddie’s vitals.

Steve gets up from the chair. His back hurts a little from sitting on the hard chair all night. He stretches a little before he leans down and grabs the pot and he pours some coffee into the mug.

He glances outside as he lifts the mug to his lips. At first glance, it looks like a normal town, untouched by the outer world, if it wasn’t for the big walls, fences, and the guards on the towers. But there are people, a couple on the sidewalk walking hand in hand. A group of children walking down the street with backpacks on. Steve furrows his eyebrows, wondering if there is a school here.

“Good Mornin’.” Aaron speaks, his accent a heavy southern.

Steve turns around, seeing you awake now. You are sitting up slowly, moving away from Eddie’s bed.

“Morning.” You say softly.

Steve’s heart flutters at the sound of your tired voice, at the look of your sleepy face. He watches the way you look around the room until your eyes lock with his.

You always look for him first.

He doesn’t look away, and you don’t either. For a moment, you just stare at each other. Both your eyes and his are filled with an ache that won’t fade away today or tomorrow or anytime soon.

His eyes show words that he can’t ever speak out loud. And you try to read them, but you have misread before, so there really is no point.

“How’re you feeling’?” Aaron asks, glancing at you.

You tear your eyes away from Steve, looking at the older male on the other side of the bed. He offers you a kind smile, his eyes moving up and down your form.

“Good.” You nod. You lie. You’re not good, you’re far from it. It’s been a week since your night at the mansion, a week since you had the most fun, since you gathered all your newfound courage to make a move on him, only to be let down. It’s been a week of torture, having to be around him after your attempted kiss, after his rejection. And now Eddie is hurt; he will be okay, but he is still hurt, and despite what he said, you still feel like it’s partly your fault.

Aaron nods, though looking not convinced.

You look down, tugging the blanket tighter as goosebumps rise on your skin. You close your eyes for a moment, taking a few deep breaths. You listen to the commotion outside the room, the footsteps, and the voices of people. You hear some kind of construction noises somewhere in the town. And then you hear footsteps, footsteps moving closer to you.

You open your eyes again when the smell of coffee hits your senses.

“Here.” Steve whispers, offering a cup to you.

You slowly lift your head, looking at his hand, at the steam rising from the cup. You look up, your eyes locking on his tired features. A sense of dread fills your chest when you notice the lack of sleep on his face, the dark circles under his eyes, the exhaustion running deep. He didn’t go a night without sleep, no, it’s been days.

His hazel eyes stare into your own, making your stomach flip, but your heart aches. You can’t read him, not anymore.

“Thank you.” You whisper as you lift your hands up and reach for the cup. You wrap your fingers around it, trying not to touch his skin.

You are the first to look away, to break eye contact. While you look down at the black coffee, he still looks at you, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by the man standing by Eddie’s side or by the metalhead now awake.

You take a sip, welcoming the bitter yet sweet taste. He still prepared it the way you like it, and you can’t stop your heart from soaring, not even after everything that happened in the shed or after what happened yesterday.

“Morning.”

The sound of Eddie’s voice makes your eyes widen. You turn to face him, swallowing the sip of coffee you just took. You place the mug down on the table beside you before you reach for his hand.

“Eddie!” You whisper, a soft smile tugging at your lips now. “How are you feeling!”

Aaron chuckles at the way your eyes light up and the high pitched tone in your voice. Steve’s frown deepens as he looks at the man watching you. He huffs, clenching his jaw. He steps away to pour Eddie a coffee as well.

Eddie chuckles, a grin appearing on his face. “Peachy. I’m feeling much better now. I don’t remember the last time I slept that well.”

“Well, you can catch up on enough sleep here.” Aaron says as he walks around the bed, making his way to the side where you are sitting. “We might release you from the infirmary today if you are feeling fine, but we gotta run a few more tests first before that and keep you on watch after, but your friend already volunteered to take over that part.” He nudges his chin towards Nancy, who is still dozing away on the chair.

“Of course, she loves me.” Eddie grins.

You chuckle, shaking your head at him.

“I’ll show you the cabin you’ll be staying at. Either once he gets released or if you’re up for it sooner.” Aaron says, looking at you specifically.

You nod.

If he or any of the other townspeople had ill intentions for you, you would have known by now. You’re safe here, you can feel it. And while it turned out that you might not be the best at reading people, you can tell that his eyes are filled with kindness and generosity.

“I’ll go.”

Steve furrows his eyebrows. His shoulders tense up, a sense of panic rising in him. If you are going, he is too. There is no way he is letting you walk away by yourself, let alone with a stranger he doesn’t know he can trust or not.

You push the blanket off your shoulders and push yourself up from the chair, but the moment your feet are planted strongly on the ground and you are standing up, a wave of dizziness hits you and your vision gets blurry, blackening. You lose your balance and your knees buckle.

But you never hit the ground, a pair of arms wrap around your waist, holding you up with ease, saving you from the crash to the ground.

“Whoa easy, Darlin’.” Aaron mumbles as he helps you back on the chair, sitting you down again, he keeps one hand on your waist as he crouches before you.

Eddie stares at you, wide-eyed and worriedly. His hand shifts towards you, reaching for your arm.

And Steve… He is frozen in place, watching from afar, feeling helpless and useless, watching the way another man tends to you while he can’t do anything but watch.

Your eyebrows are furrowed, and you slowly lift your hand to your face, pressing your fingertips to your temple. The dizziness slowly fades again now that you are back on the chair.

“Can we get a doctor in here?” Steve frowns, eyes stuck on the hand on your waist.

Aaron turns around, glancing at him briefly. “I’m here, aren’t I?” He mumbles, slightly amused by the glaring hazel eyes.

Eddie looks between both men, eyes staying on Steve for a moment longer. He notices the way he draws back, clenching his jaw further.

Aaron looks at the untouched food on the table, the juice that you barely finished the night before.

“I told you to finish that, didn’t I?” The man says with a serious look on his face, pointing at the chocolate bar and the peanut butter and jelly sandwich he brought you after another one of his checkups on Eddie.

“I wasn’t hungry.” You frown, shaking your head as you slowly come back to your senses. You look at the man before you, meeting his eyes.

“You lost a lot of blood,” he points out as he removes his hand from your waist once he is sure that you won’t fall over. “When’s the last time you’ve eaten a proper meal?”

Proper Meal? None of you has eaten a proper meal since you left Hawkins. All you’ve had were canned foods, stale chips, and chocolate if you got lucky.

“It’s been a long few months, Doc.” Eddie answers for you, eyes glimmering with hope for a proper warm meal. “We’ve had some good food while we were in Hawkins – steak, vegetables, potatoes, eggs, dairy.” Eddie starts counting, but quickly comes to regret it when he feels just how empty his stomach is. “This one though? She survived on canned food for a year before she met us.” Eddie points at you, knowing how to get himself a warm dinner.

Aaron raises his eyebrows, slowly looking back at you. His eyes scan your face, staying on the forming scar on your cheekbone before they move down to your shoulder. Your tank top is showing more skin than you’d like, showing off the deep and long scar on your shoulder that disappears down your back.

“Well, we can’t have that.” Aaron mumbles, eyes still stuck on you. “How about you guys come over to my place tonight after I show you around?”

Silence fills the room.

Nancy is still sleeping on the chair, unaware of everything going on in here. Steve is glaring at the man standing before you, already feeling his dislike for him burning. Eddie is looking at you with desperate eyes, both because he wants dinner and also because of what he told you last night.

Your eyes widen and your cheeks heat up when you realize that he is waiting for your answer, barely looking at your friends.

You know that Eddie would never forgive you for turning down such an offer, but Steve is glaring from the corner of the room, disliking the idea of it even.

You lick your lips, eyeing the man before you. He offers you a kind smile, his blue eyes flickering with amusement when you look down shyly, unable to hold eye contact for long.

“That sounds nice,” you nod, smiling softly as you look up at him again. “I’d like that.”

Aaron smiles at you, he reaches his hand out and grabs the blanket that fell off your shoulder. He wraps it back around you and gives your shoulder a soft squeeze, “don’t want ya to freeze.” His action was answering your question from the night before. He was the one who wrapped the blanket around you when you passed out last night. “Gotta find some warmer clothes for you.”

Your skin heats up, and you grow flustered beneath all the eyes on you.

You don’t have to look at Eddie to know that he is smirking, eyes flickering back and forth between you and Aaron.

You don’t have to look at Steve to know that he is glaring, already showing his dislike for Aaron – for no reason at all.

“You want a tour around town before I show you to the cabin?” Aaron asks, looking into your eyes.

You nod, growing shy beneath his stare.

“Alright,” he murmurs, moving closer to you. He reaches over your shoulder and grabs the chocolate bar. He presses it into your hand. His lips curled into a smile, “I’ll take you out once you finish that.”

Your cheeks heat up further. You swallow nervously, breaking eye contact as you look down.

“Okay.” You whisper, unwrapping the candy from the plastic.

Steve crosses his arms over his chest as he watches you. You lean back in your chair, blushing when your eyes lock with the man before you. Having to hold back his scoff, he swallows harshly as he looks at Aaron.

“You promised to take us to the radio station.” Steve speaks up, not even bothering to hide the bitterness in his voice.

Eddie raises his eyebrows, glancing at the glaring man. He has to hold back the smirk from widening. Nothing worth being jealous of has happened yet, but he is already sour.

Aaron rises back to full height, turning around to face him, he raises one eyebrow at him, “I will, don’t worry. I can take you right now, or you’ll wait for your friend to wake up, and then I’ll take you to the radio station.”

Steve glances at Nancy, who is still sleeping soundly beside Eddie. A sigh falls from his lips. He tears his eyes away from her again, “no it’s fine later, I guess.”

“I’ll show you two around while these two get some more rest,” Aaron nods, gesturing to Eddie and Nancy. “I’ll take you to Thomas, he’s our leader. I already explained the situation to him, you won’t have to do any work around here but–”

“We’re not staying.” Steve says, jaw clenched and eyes hardened.

“I know that.” Aaron nods, glancing at you and Eddie before his blue eyes lock with his again. “But Eddie needs rest, he may be released today, but he is still dealing with a leg injury, not to mention the concussion – light or not, it’s still a concussion that can lead to something more serious if he doesn’t get the rest that he needs.”

Steve glances at Eddie, who is staring at him with raised eyebrows. Guilt rises up in him, knowing that worse damage could be done if he were to demand to leave the community now.

“Listen I know you have no intention of staying here, I know you want to get to California but for the sake of your friend’s health, for the sake of your health because buddy, no offence but you look like you could use some rest as well,” Aaron looks him up and down, making Steve’s frown deepen. “You stay here for a week. Y’all get the rest that you need. You’re our guests just like your friends, your family were guests here. If you wanna work and help around, fine, me or Thomas will find you something, but you don’t have to. You’ll be on your way sooner than you think.”

Steve’s shoulders slump, his expression softening a little at the begging in your eyes. He knows there is no discussion over this. Eddie needs the rest, you all do, just like Aaron said.

“Alright.” He nods, though his jaw is still clenched.

Aaron looks at him, noticing the distrust in him – which isn’t a surprise in a world like this, it isn’t ever.

“Alright.” Aaron nods too before he looks away from him and back at you.

You finish the last bite of your chocolate bar and crumble up the wrapper, throwing it into the trash before you get up, slower this time. You notice the way Aaron steps towards you, holding his hand out just in case you get dizzy again.

“You alright?” He asks softly, eyeing you up and down.

You hum, nodding.

“Yeah, thank you.” You whisper, giving him a small smile.

Steve sucks in a sharp breath, clenching his jaw as his eyes never stray from you. He picks up your jacket, still looking between you and the man who finally steps away from you after making sure that you won’t fall again.

“We can go now.” You nod at Aaron, ready to leave this hospital room, to breathe in some fresh air, to be away from him–

“I’m going too.”

Eddie’s head snaps towards him. An amused expression now on his face as his eyes flicker and glow with excitement. He isn’t one to enjoy someone else’s misery, but Steve deserves it a little, he thinks.

And if this isn’t irritation flashing in his hazel eyes… It’s only a matter of time until it turns into raging jealousy.

“Sure.” Aaron nods.

But you look down, not impressed. You wanted some time away from him, but he, of course, won’t give you that, just like he didn’t before today.

Steve walks over to you, brushing past Aaron. He hands you your jacket, ignoring the looks of the other two men giving him.

“Thanks.” You mumble, avoiding his eyes as you reach for your jacket. You put the blanket down and put your jacket on.

The cold tone in your voice doesn’t go unheard by anyone. The dismissive look on your face doesn’t either. It doesn’t go unfelt by Steve. His heart clenches in his chest.

“I’ll send someone in to run a few more tests, you’ll get some breakfast too.”

Eddie nods at Aaron, grinning at him, “pancakes or waffles?” He jokes, causing the man to chuckle.

“Whatever you want, we've got a little diner across the road. Jody makes the best breakfast food.”

“Is that your wife?”

Eddie scrunches his face up at Steve’s question, he almost snorts.

You raise your eyebrows, looking at him confused.

Aaron though, he chuckles. He shakes his head as his blue eyes flicker with amusement. “No, he is not my wife.”

Eddie’s eyes widen, and he cracks up, watching Steve’s face flush in embarrassment.

Steve coughs, nodding as he looks away.

You sink your teeth into your bottom lip, holding back from smiling. You can’t help but feel amused by Steve’s embarrassment and by Eddie’s reaction.

“Alright, like I said, I’ll send someone in.” Aaron says to Eddie before he turns to face you. “You ready to go, Darlin’?”

“Mhmm.”

“C’mon then.” He nudges his chin towards the door, patting Steve’s shoulder, who clenches his jaw stronger.

You stand back for a moment, glancing down at Eddie, who is already smirking at you, wiggling his eyebrows when the two men aren’t looking.

“Have fun, Darlin’.” He whispers, mocking.

“Shut up.” You murmur, rolling your eyes at his teasing. You wave him off as you start making your way towards the door, ignoring his laughter. “See you later.”

“Bye, Sweets!” He grins, watching the way Aaron places his hand on your back as he leads you out. Steve looks down at his hand, frown growing deeper.

Eddie’s grin widens, and he chuckles, earning a glare from the brunette before he walks out of the room and slams the door.

A chuckle falls from his lips, and he sinks back into his pillow, “idiot.”

Nancy stirs on the chair. She opens her eyes, squinting them as the sun hits her face. A yawn falls from her lips, and she stretches her arms out.

“Well, good morning.” Eddie mumbles. “You missed the whole damn show.”

Nancy furrows her eyebrows, her blue eyes flashing with curiosity.

“What show?” She looks around, only now noticing that it’s just the two of them in the room.

“The hot Cowboy having a little moment with our sweet Sunshine and Steve losing his shit over it.” He giggles a little too evilly.

Nancy sighs, shaking her head at him.

“This is gonna be so good, Wheeler.”

After Aaron took you to meet Thomas, the leader of the community, you noticed how the tension in Steve’s shoulders eased a little. The older man seemed more trustworthy to him than Aaron. And after mentioning Jim Hopper and Joyce, the frown on Steve’s face disappeared at least until you left Thomas’s office again.

You walked between both men, nodding along to the things Aaron was telling you, but Steve didn’t listen, only watching your reactions. He saw the way your eyes lit up when Aaron showed you a little bakery.

He explained how this town was protected right from the start. How the walls were built around it, the moment it all began. It wasn’t left unscathed completely, accidents happened, monsters came through at first, people lost their lives but they learned from their mistakes and did everything to protect this place from both monsters and people with ill intentions – which turns out to be a bigger threat most of the time.

The town is filled with people. Older people, couples with children, teenagers who have lost their parents. It not only has a hospital but also a police station, a school, a church, stores, and a bar.

There is a barn and a henhouse close to their greenhouse. You can tell that the people living here are getting warm meals on their tables every day.

The cabin you are given is more than you could ask for. It’s not big, but it has a porch and pine trees surrounding it. The sound of a stream nearby gives you a sense of nostalgia, it reminds you of home. Aaron shows you around, while Steve follows both of you, not taking his eyes off you.

The kitchen has a basket filled with necessities for your stay here. The living room has a fireplace and even a TV, a few movies tapes on the tiny shelf by the window. It only has one floor, but enough bedrooms for you all to have your privacy.

“It ain’t big, but you’re all getting your own rooms, your own beds.”

“It’s perfect.” You smile, turning to face him to find him staring at you already as he stands with his back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, and a smile gracing his face. “Thank you, Aaron.”

He tilts his chin down, giving you a nod. “No need to thank me, Darlin’.”

Steve rolls his eyes, not liking the nickname you were given by the man.

“There’s some stuff in the fridge: milk, butter, eggs. You can make some food if you’d like – electricity is working, by the way.” Aaron explains as he pushes himself off the wall, looking between you and Steve. “I’ll leave you be for now, there are some clothes in the closet, you both can freshen up. I’ll come back later to take you to the radio station.”

Steve turns around, nodding. “You’re leaving?” He asks, voice thick with relief.

It doesn’t go unnoticed by Aaron. His eyes flicker with amusement, and he looks between you both, noticing your reaction as well and the way you huff and step away from the brunette.

“Yeah.” Aaron nods, eyes still on you. “But don’t worry, I’ll be back soon, Buddy.”

“Mhmm.” Steve nods with a clenched jaw.

After saying goodbye to you, Aaron walks out of the cabin. Your shoulders tense up once you are left alone with him. The silence is heavy between you. You want to move, to walk away, to make your way into one of the rooms and grab some fresh clothes, but for some reason, you find yourself frozen in place.

Steve takes a deep breath, looking away from the front door, and he looks down at you. Finally left alone with you. He didn’t get the chance for a moment like this since the day in the shed.

He knows this could be the chance to come clean, to tell you about his feelings, to tell you what is holding him back.

But he can’t, he can’t because it will fill you with hope again, hope for something he won’t give you.

“Sunshine.” He still speaks up, without knowing what to say to you.

You look up at him, eyes soft and vulnerable.

You wait for him, you wait like you always do, but he gives you nothing. He just stares at you, his hazel eyes filled with emotions you can no longer read.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” You mumble, sighing as you step away from him, and he lets you. He lets you because you know that he has nothing to say to you, nothing that could mend your pain.

You walk away, and all that he can do is watch, when things could be so easy.

You feel his eyes on you even as you walk into one of the bedrooms. You try, you really try to ignore it, to ignore him, but it’s difficult when you feel the tension in the air, when you feel the way he looks at you, knowing that he wants to go back to how things were before you ruined the friendship that once was.

He wants that while you want something more. And after humiliating yourself the way you did, after he threw hurtful words at you, you can never go back to what you two have been. It was nice while it lasted, but you wish it lasted longer, and you wish it didn’t end the way it did.

Once locked inside the bathroom, you press your back against the door and close your eyes, clutching the clothes you picked out to your chest. You breathe in and out, in and out, and suddenly it gets caught in your throat, growing into a painful lump that makes your eyes burn. Your bottom lip starts trembling, your chest starts aching as the events from the days before… the weeks before start catching up to you. A tear slips down your cheek, and then another, and then they start falling freely.

You cry silently, in secret. You don’t want Steve to hear your sobs. You don’t want him to hear your weakness.

Looking into the mirror feels like looking at a stranger. You no longer recognize the person staring back at you. You changed, not only physically but on the inside… And you aren’t sure if you like the girl in the mirror.

You see the amount of scars now covering your skin, the one on your shoulder being the oldest, the one on your cheek being the newest. Both given by people, not creatures, by monsters.

You feel like you are staring at one in the mirror.

You look down at your shoes, blood stains on them still. You kick them off and start working on your belt, undoing it quickly. You freeze when you eye the lilac hair tie around your wrist. Robin’s hair tie.

You remember how he told you that you remind him of her. You also remember how he mentioned the short lasting crush he once had on Robin before she came out to him, and he had to accept that nothing would come out of it.

He loved Nancy. He liked Robin.

You are nothing like Nancy, but apparently you are everything like her. And even then, he didn’t like you, just like your own ex-boyfriend never liked you, as you had realized by the end of your relationship.

What is it about you that is so unlovable?

What is it about you that isn’t enough?

You look back into the mirror, looking at the tears rolling down your face. You see, the hollowness is in your own eyes, the darkness that slowly began to take you, to envelope you. You are beginning to see the world reflect on you.

Is that why he doesn’t like you?

Is it the darkness he saw in you on that day?

Or is it your immaturity after all?

All these questions and yet no answers. You feel no anger, just sadness and rejection, making you feel sick still. You try to push away those thoughts. You wipe your tears and take your clothes off before stepping into the shower, letting the warm water envelope you.

A mixture of dirt and blood pools at your feet as the water runs down your body, going down the drain. You press your hand against the cool tile. You close your eyes and stand there for a moment, unmoving.

And suddenly it all crashes over you. Your shoulders start shaking, and you start crying harder, unable to hold back any longer.

And Steve… He is still in the hallway, eyes burning with tears at the sound of your soft cries, unable to pull you into his arms, unable to comfort you, unable to hold you.

All he can do is stand there and listen.

Hurting both you and himself.

The radio station is located on the edge of the town, right next to one of the watch towers and inside the police station. The office room is filled with equipment, a transmitter, microphones, antennas, and a couple of walkie talkies lying around. There are posters on the wall, guides to morse codes, and others.

You look around the crowded room, noticing the shelf in the corner with music tapes. You walk over to it, checking out the albums. You’re unaware of the worried looks Nancy is giving you, having noticed the redness in your eyes, the evidence of your crying.

Steve is eying you too, his arms are crossed over his chest, his eyes are guilty, but his face is hard because he isn’t the only one looking.

“How long will it take?” Eddie asks, sitting in the wheelchair that he fought Nancy on. He wanted the crutches, but both the Doctor and Nancy were set on him not walking for at least another day. The discussion went on for a while until he finally plopped down on the wheelchair.

“Just a second,” Greg, the main operator at the radio station, mumbles as he presses the buttons. “Dustin, do you copy?” He talks into the speaker.

“Why Dustin?” Eddie asks, tilting his head.

“Cause it’s only ever him messing around at the radio station.” Greg laughs.

“I’m surprised you don’t–”

“This is Dustin speaking, I thought I told you to use code names, Gregory. Over.” The sassy teenager’s voice cuts through the room.

“Holy shit!” Eddie grins, nearly jumping from the wheelchair in excitement. He looks around the room, eyes locking with Steve’s for a moment. The brunette’s eyes soften, a small smile appearing on his face.

Nancy looks away from you, stepping towards Eddie, and she puts her hand on his shoulder.

“There you go, man.” Greg chuckles, gesturing for him to take over. Eddie instantly moves closer. He clears his throat, unable to hold back his grin as he presses his finger on the red button.

“Henderson. This is Eddie the banished speaking. I’m here with Harrington and Wheeler.”

You turn around, facing the little group now huddling together. Nancy is standing behind Eddie while Steve is moving to his other side. All of them now smiling, looking relieved and… happy.

“Holy shit… Oh! Holy shit!” Dustin shrieks, causing the three of them to pull back slightly at the volume.

Aaron, who is standing in the doorway, chuckles in amusement.

“Is that really you!? Eddie– Steve, Nancy!?” The teen shrieks once again. The excitement is heavy and clear in his voice, it makes you smile as well.

“Yeah, we’re here.” Nancy chuckles into the speaker.

“Oh my god, I gotta get Mike– hold on! You guys are with Aaron!?”

Your eyes lock with the man mentioned, and he smiles at you, while Steve tenses up.

“Yeah, we’re here with him.”

You are surprised to hear Steve talking this time.

“Oh man, Steve. He’s got some great hair, you've got some competition now.” The teen cackles, infecting Eddie with it because the metalhead starts laughing.

“He sure does.”

But Steve isn’t amused in the slightest. He only shakes his head in response because he knows Eddie meant something else.

“Hold on, Mike’s here.”

Nancy straightens her back, her smile now widening at the mention of her brother. You see the glassiness in her eyes when his voice sounds through the room, and you take that as your cue to leave, deciding to give the group some privacy.

You might be a friend to Eddie, Nancy and… Steve. But their friends, their family, don’t know you, and they might never will, and you don’t want to intrude.

You slip out of the room without being noticed. You brush past Aaron, who eyes you in curiosity.

You can hear their voices, their happy laughter, even as you walk down the hallway of the police station. And you feel happy for them, you really do, but it makes you miss your own family, more than ever now.

You open the door and step outside into the cold, breathing in the fresh air and almost sighing in relief at the silence. You walk over to the little bench by the tree and sit down. Hiding your hands in your pockets, you look up at the cloudy sky.

Your head hurts a little from all your crying, and you hate how visible it is on your face. You saw the way Nancy looked at you, the way her blue eyes scanned your face in worry.

You didn’t want her to worry, and you didn’t want her to ask and gladly she didn’t, but you know that conversation is still coming.

The door opens and closes. You tilt your chin down and look at your boots, hoping, praying for it to not be Steve. You don’t want to talk to him. You don’t want to look at him right now.

If only you knew that his eyes searched for your figure in the corner of the room after you left.

“You alright?”

You almost sigh in relief from hearing Aaron’s voice instead. You look up at him, growing a little shy beneath his stare and the way he scans your face.

Aaron is handsome, it’s hard not to see his attractiveness. You saw it the night before already, but his eyes are a much deeper blue in the daylight.

“Yeah. I’m fine, just didn’t want to intrude.” You mumble, pointing towards the building.

He nods in understanding, remembering that you are not from Hawkins, that you don’t know their friends.

“You’re gonna freeze out here.”

You shake your head, smiling at him, “it’s not that cold, I like the fresh air.”

“Alright then.” Aaron chuckles, his eyes never leaving your face. “Mind if I sit with you?”

You tilt your head to the side, raising your eyebrows at him, “if you won’t freeze out here.”

He licks his lips, chuckling once more. He takes a step forward and sits down beside you.

“Cowboys don’t freeze.” He jokes – you can tell by the way his lip curls.

“Cowboys also don’t forget to wear their hats.” You point out, turning to face him, you study his profile. There is a tattoo on the side of his neck, behind his ear. It went unnoticed by you before. His hair is slightly curly, a little longer than Steve’s. He has a beard, one that makes him look older than he probably is. If you had to guess, you’d say he is thirty.

His lips curl into a smile, a deep chuckling falling once more.

“My mistake. I left it at the infirmary.”

“Mhmm, I’m sure.” You smile and look away, eying the guard on the tower. You ignore the weight of his eyes on you, but your skin still heats up, and you don’t know why.

“You ever come across a town like this on your journey?”

You shake your head as you think back to all the abandoned camps you have come across when you were still on your own.

“No, only abandoned towns and military camps that were supposed to be a sanctuary for those seeking refuge.”

Aaron nods, his eyes taking in your every feature.

“Did you seek refuge?”

“Not really, and if so, then only for a night or two. All I wanted was to get back to my family.”

“You never joined any groups?”

You shake your head, staring at the snow on the ground.

“Did you run into many bad people out there?”

You freeze a little. Your shoulders tense up at his question. A shudder runs down your spine when you think of the group you encountered only a few weeks back. They were nothing compared to the ones you have dealt with when you were all by yourself.

Your reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by Aaron. He looks a little closer, watching the way the color drains from your eyes for a second.

You take a deep breath, trying to shake the unnerving feeling off. You turn to face him, giving him a small smile and a shrug, “what is this, an interrogation?” You joke.

He shakes his head, a breathy chuckle falls from his lips.

“No, Darlin’. I won’t interrogate you, which is something we normally do here with newcomers.”

You raise your eyebrows, “oh? Why didn’t you do that with us?”

“You’re friends of Hopper, I trust that man with my community.” He explains, shrugging.

“Not me. Hawkins ain’t my home, I never met any of them,” you point out, tilting your head to the side as you squint your eyes.

His blue eyes flicker with amusement, he chuckles softly.

“Are ya sayin’ I’ve made a mistake?”

You shrug, “too late to fix it now, I’m already in these walls.”

Aaron chuckles, his eyes run up and down your body.

“A real danger.”

You snort at his words, knowing they aren’t meant seriously. You roll your eyes at him, shaking your head.

“Better not to underestimate me, Aaron.” You whisper.

Aaron raises his eyebrows at you, he nods. His eyes flicker with a sudden seriousness.

“Oh no, I know.” He murmurs, looking into your eyes like he knows something. Like he knows what you did. Like he knows what you had to do to protect the people you love, to survive. But there isn’t judgment in his eyes, only an understanding like no other.

Silence fills the space between you, and you look away when his stare becomes too much. You are not used to people looking at you like that, to men staring.

“Were you here from the beginning?” You ask in curiosity.

“Yeah, I helped build the walls. Been leading this place with Thomas since day one basically.”

You are impressed by the way this place has been holding up, the way it’s been constant and improving over time in a world like this. You know how ugly it can get out there. How you can walk for days and not find shelter, food, weapons, let alone water, and that is if you’re lucky. If you aren’t, then you’ll run into trouble.

A part of you wants to change the subject. Another part of you knows it’s useless because someone who looks at you the way he does, can see right through you, probably through own experience. Looking into his eyes tells you that he has seen some horrible things as well, but you can’t help but feel curious, knowing he’s been here since the beginning.

“Have you ever been out there… really out there?”

Without knowing you all too well, he knows exactly what you are asking.

“Yeah.” Aaron nods. Sympathy flashes in his eyes. He knows what kinda monsters really roam the streets.

There is no judgment in his eyes, nothing of that sort. There is a mutual feeling that makes you feel understood. You don’t need to ask to find out that he’s done things too. Though there is a slight difference in your eyes’ – you are still struggling while he already accepted it.

“How many?”

Your breathing halts, and for a moment, you just stare at him, knowing exactly what he’s asking.

How many people have you killed?

“Two…”

Two people.

Two people don't sound like a lot, considering the number of bad ones you have run into, who wouldn’t have hesitated to slaughter you if you didn’t manage to escape beforehand.

Two people. Two kills. Two brutal kills that haunt you in your nightmares now that your comfort isn’t with you anymore.

He only nods slowly at you, looking down at his fingers as he leans forward with his elbows on his knees.

“Did they deserve it?”

“Of course.” You didn’t even hesitate in your answer, which made Aaron smile a little. “What about you?”

“You askin’ bout my body count, sugar?” He jokes and you couldn’t help, the little giggle in your throat, feeling yourself flushing at the double meaning. Then, when silence invaded the two of you again, “Six after the apocalypse.”

Your eyes widened at that, staring at him. He turns his head, looking your way again.

“I was head nurse in the military. Before any of this happened, we had our own little battles and wars. My tent got raided by a spy, I did what I had to do.”

You were wide-eyed as you stared at him, not really believing this man could kill. His hands just looked too gentle for it.

“And the others?”

“They tried taking hostages from here so we would give in our supplies… and–” He leans back on the bench, his shoulder touching yours. He nodded towards a group of children that were playing on the swings. “Three of those children I saved from a truck.”

You winced at the thought of that. You didn’t want to even begin to think what would have happened if Aaron hadn’t saved those children. Where they would be right now. Two of them were girls even… You shook your head before you could continue your train of thought.

“So they deserved it.”

“Of course.” He mimicked your words before looking down at you and you couldn’t help giving a shy smile to him.

“Good.”

“Yeah, good.” He emphasized the word to you, maybe to make it stick into your brain. To make you finally believe that what you did was not wrong. It had to be done. Someone had to do it. It sucked it had to be you, and now you would carry the weight of their deaths in your hands, but you preferred to carry that weight, than the weight of whatever might have happened if you hadn’t killed them.

“Good…” You whispered again, feeling his gaze going deep into your mind, your body, and you felt yourself flushing all over, making you turn away. He straightened up, clearing his throat.

“So, any allergies I should know about for tonight?” He asked and you hummed for a second, thinking.

“Nancy is allergic to celery.” You lied and Aaron squinted, leaning over to you.

“You don’t like celery?” You jumped in your place a bit, feeling the closeness. You turned your head a bit, acting stupid at his question.

“Nancy is allergic!” You exclaimed, trying to protect your lie, but Aaron was seeing right through you. Shit, were you acting like a child? Spoiled? You shouldn’t be picky in the apocalypse, but–

“Bad girls who don’t eat their vegetables, don’t get dessert, you know?”

Your eyes were now wide as you felt heat all over your face, slowly turning to face him again. He was smirking, his blue eyes gazing into your own eyes, going back and forth. Your heart started picking up a pace, not sure how to feel about it. He was just joking. This wasn’t–

“No celery then… for Nancy’s sake.” He straightened up, moving away from you, a smirk on his lips. You were still frozen in place for a few seconds before recovering, giving him a shy smile.

“Yeah, for Nancy’s sake.”

For just a few minutes, you forgot about everything that had happened. In this small interaction, everything and everyone else was gone. It felt nice. It felt refreshing.

But unbeknownst to you, someone was watching you both from a window. Hazel eyes that were burning in anger, in sadness, in despair. A hand that was gripping tightly onto a curtain, almost to the point of ripping it off.

And he wished this week would go by quickly.

“You’re yanking my hair!”

“If you would stop making me change your shirt every two seconds, I wouldn’t!” Steve huffed, taking off the seventh shirt Eddie had tried on. “I am also not yanking anything, you’re being a baby.”

“Sunshine wouldn’t treat me like this…” Eddie pouted, and Steve only glared, grabbing the button up that he had chosen from the very beginning, and Eddie had denied.

“If someone is helping you get dressed, it’s gonna be me, a man.”

“You scared the girls will realize who the true Alpha out of the two of us is?” Steve shot Eddie a murderous glare, while the metalhead straightened up, getting in position for Steve to put on the shirt.

“Or maybe, I didn’t want them to make fun of you, ever thought of that, Munson?” Eddie huffed as Steve helped him put on the button-up black shirt. It had long sleeves, so it was going to be warm on him. Eddie was happy to hear Steve joking again, even if a little, but he knew it was just a few moments before it all went back to how it was minutes before. Quiet.

Steve stood back up and started getting changed himself, finding a yellow sweater that almost reminded him to the one he had years ago. He put it on as Eddie buttoned himself up, his brown eyes glancing every now and then at the brown haired man.

“So… Aaron…”

“I don’t like him.” Steve immediately spat, and Eddie couldn’t help the chuckle escaping him, making Steve look at him, squinting. “What?”

“Is it because of the hair thing Dustin said?” Steve shook his head, fixing his hair in the mirror, “Or is it because he clearly wants to make a move on our Sunshine?”

Steve’s entire self froze in place. He gulped as he remembered how the two of you looked like on that bench. How you smiled at him the way you smiled at him weeks ago. No, it wasn’t that. He wasn’t flirting with you, not yet. It was his mind making up bullshit for him to feel horrible about.

“He is not going to.” Eddie rolled his eyes at his response, fixing the sleeves of his shirt.

“You cannot forbid that.” And Steve’s anger started boiling up once again, his jaw clenching.

“I am not forbidding anything. It’s not– It wouldn’t be smart for him to do that–” And Eddie knew Steve was trying to find excuses. He knew his best friend was hurting to the point that he was trying not to think of the possibility of well… losing you.

“Steve, what the fuck happened, man? Why did you reject her?” Steve just stood there, looking at his reflection, wondering if it would give the answer for him. He opened his mouth, only to close it once again.

“It is how it should be.”

“No it isn’t–” “What do you know about it, Eddie? What do you know about relationships?” Eddie’s eyebrows frowned, squinting at his friend.

“I do know. I know you don’t believe I have a sweetheart, but fuck, hearing that shit hurts.” Steve’s eyes widened, turning to look at the metalhead who was looking down at his fingers.

“I’m– I’m sorry–” He felt guilty after that outburst of anger. He could only excuse it for his lack of sleep, for how irritable he was feeling over the past week, because his personal sunshine, his personal warm blanket, was gone.

“Look, I know you’re mad, but I’m still your friend. You don’t get to hurt me when I’m trying to help you.” Eddie’s voice was sharp, and Steve sighed, shaking his head. He felt the lump forming in his throat as he tried to find the right words.

“I’m… I just know that it’s the right decision.”

“And look what it cost you. Was it really?” His question made Steve’s eyes widen. His decision cost him his friendship with you. His decision cost him his health. His decision cost him–

“Are you two ready?” Nancy’s voice snapped the two men out of their little talk, looking towards the door. Eddie glanced at Steve once before wheeling towards the door, opening it. He let out a little whistle at seeing Nancy dressed in black pants and a long-sleeved blouse.

“Well, look at Wheeler! We trynna impress one of the cowboys here?” He smirked, and Nancy rolled her eyes, a little smile on her face.

“Not me.” And Steve felt his heart plummet to the pit of his stomach. She better not have meant what he thought she meant. Eddie wheeled out of the room, going into the living room after Nancy, and Steve slowly followed behind.

He could hear Eddie’s wolf whistling, and he was afraid of even looking up from the floor. See what the commotion was about, afraid that his worst fear would be right. Afraid that what he would see would wreck him even more.

“Nancy made me wear this!” He heard your whiny voice, making his blood start freezing in his veins.

“It was only in your set of clothes! Clearly someone wants you to wear it!” Steve heard you groan loudly, prompting him to finally look up, and just like he had suspected, the sight broke him more than before.

You were wearing a dress. A dress. Not a fancy cocktail one, but it was black, a little bit above the knee, and you were wearing tights. You put on a black leather jacket, probably not wanting to look too formal, but Steve could only stare at you from head to toe. His eyes kept roaming all over you, his heart hammering in his chest, his brain yelling at him, and possibly a little birdie was cussing him out in the small corner of his mind.

“I haven’t worn a dress in… fucking years. This feels wrong in the apocalypse.” You mumbled, but your words were not processing in his head at all. Eddie’s eyes were on you as you fixed the hem of your dress in the mirror, looking a bit uncomfortable, and then back at Steve, who was still wide-eyed, staring your way.

Nancy rolled her eyes as she walked towards you, trying to, once again, assure you that you looked amazing. You weren’t really listening to her. Your eyes caught sight of him in the mirror, and– He was looking at you with those eyes that gave you hope before. Those eyes that gave you that courage you cursed having in the first place. And now he is giving those eyes again.

Why was he doing this? Why was he looking at you this way, making your heart jump and making those butterflies fly about in your stomach as if he had never rejected you? Why couldn’t he leave you alone? Why couldn’t he hide those eyes from you? Why does he have to fill your heart with hope again when your brain has already accepted defeat?

Steve felt his butt being slapped suddenly, taking him out of his stupid, glaring down at the culprit of it. Eddie’s eyes hardened, giving a small nod towards your way, and Steve gulped, shaking his head. He wasn’t going to comment, he couldn’t–

“Guys, tell her she looks nice–” Nancy said with a defeated sigh and–

“You look beautiful.”

The room filled with silence, and you frowned, slowly turning to face the man, the one who spoke. Steve stood there, shocked at how he could not stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth before he realized he was saying them.

Your breath hitches in your throat and your already hopeful heart lurches inside your chest. Your mind is screaming at you not to fall back into this trap, but whoever listens to their brain when the heart is so much stronger?

Nancy looks at you, eyes soft and pitiful. You can’t talk, you can’t smile, you can’t even say thank you.

Eddie looks between the both of you and he can’t help but feel annoyed at the vulnerable, soft look in Steve’s eyes. Why does he have to be so stubborn? Why can’t he just act upon his feelings? Why can’t he stop hurting both you and himself?

A sigh falls from Eddie’s lips as he takes a look at your expression. Your eyes aren’t as puffy and red as they had been earlier, but if Steve keeps looking at you that way, it will quickly change again.

“You look gorgeous, Sunshine.” Eddie smiles, tearing your attention off him.

You look down at him. The painful gaze disappears slowly as a soft smile appears on your face.

“Thank you, Eddie.” You whisper and look down at yourself.

“Alright, are we ready to go?” Nancy mumbles, looking between all of you.

You nod and take one last look in the mirror. You smooth down your dress once more, sighing at the sight you would have loved before.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” You tear your eyes away from the mirror and turn around, being the first to leave the room.

Steve’s eyes follow you until you disappear into the hallway. He gulps down the lump in his throat and blinks himself out of his stupor. He feels a little lightheaded just from seeing you like that. He can’t even imagine the emotions he would feel if he got something more than just to see you in a pretty dress. It was the right decision to push you away.

Nancy follows you out, leaving Steve to push Eddie’s wheelchair.

“Let’s go, man.”

Steve nods and steps behind him, grabbing the handles, and starts pushing.

“Robin was right, you know? You’re a real dingus.”

Steve doesn’t reply to Eddie’s comment. He had already heard that insult in his head for days and days since rejecting you. He can only sigh.

The walk to Aaron’s house is spent in silence. Eddie makes a few comments here and there about the houses in the neighborhood, saying how much nicer some people probably live in the apocalypse than they did before. He certainly didn’t grow up on a street with pretty houses, porches that are covered in lights, surrounded by plants and trees. He could have that if he didn’t have people waiting for him in California, if he stayed here.

“California is probably much nicer.” Steve murmurs after Eddie voices out how he would love to live in a place like this.

“Probably, yeah. I do kinda love this vibe here though.”

Nancy snorts as she walks beside him, looking down with an amused smile.

“What vibe?”

Eddie shrugs, looking past her and over to you, he grins. “This whole western theme, the cowboy thing. I’m kind of starting to get it, Sunshine.”

A smile tugs at your lips. You look over at him, crossing your arms over your chest to shield yourself from the cold.

“Yeah?”

Eddie nods. “In another life I’ll be a cowboy.”

Nancy laughs, shaking her head at her best friend.

“Why not in this one?”

Eddie frowns, scoffing. “One can’t just become a cowboy, you’re either born with it or you’re a pretender. Aaron is a real cowboy.”

Steve tenses up behind him, gripping the handles of the wheelchair tighter, he clenches his jaw and looks away.

“Me? I’m a rockstar, Wheeler. I was born with that.”

You and Nancy both giggle, sharing amused glances.

“Well, when we get to California, you will have to play with your band, Eddie. I’ve never been to a heavy metal gig before!”

Steve looks over at you. He doesn’t know why he feels such relief from hearing your words. It’s been clear that you and your family are coming with them and yet, he feels relieved to hear that your plans haven’t changed. He didn’t even realize how anxious he was about the possibility of you parting ways with them once getting back home.

“Oh, Sweetheart! You’ll get the best concert of your life!”

“I’m counting on that, Eddie.” You giggle.

Steve breathes in sharply when Aaron’s house comes into vision. He really isn’t looking forward to this evening at all, knowing he will have to endure watching the man flirt with you the way he probably did when you were sitting outside with him.

He doesn’t know what you have talked about with him and he isn’t sure if he even wants to know. It was bad enough watching him make you laugh. It made that sour taste on his tongue even worse.

“Will you carry me up the stairs, Wheeler? You’re my wonder woman.” Eddie cackles as he looks at the porch steps.

“It’s just three steps, I think your other leg is perfectly healthy.” She rolls her eyes at him, yet she is already leaning down to help as Steve leans down on his other side. He wraps his arms around their shoulders, grunting as they help him get up.

“Careful.” Steve warns him as Eddie makes the first step. He looks down at his feet, making sure that Eddie doesn’t put pressure on his injured leg. It’s a heartwarming sight to see him care for his friend like that. It makes your heart beat a little stronger.

You force your eyes away from him and look down. You reach for the wheelchair once they make it up to the porch.

“I got it, Sunshine–”

“It’s fine, it’s not heavy.” You mumble as you carry it up the stairs and place it down behind Eddie.

“Thanks, Sweets.” Eddie says softly as he carefully plops down, grunting again. “Damn, I never thought I’d have to use one again.”

“Only for a couple of days,” Nancy mumbles, giving him a reassuring smile. She was the one who took care of him after he almost died in the upside down. He had to use the wheelchair for weeks, and he hated it. “You can use crutches in a few days, you’ll be fine.”

Steve puts his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, squeezing it.

Eddie gives him a tight lipped smile, “alright, knock on the damn door before I freeze to death out here.”

Steve sighs and nods, “alright…” He lifts his hand and knocks on the door. He takes a deep breath, bracing himself for a long evening.

He glances back at you, to find you looking at him already, but you quickly turn your gaze away. Looking down shyly.

The door opens, and Steve almost sighs in relief when it’s Thomas’s face that greets them. He knows he can’t avoid him, he was the one who made the invite after all but he’ll take every second he doesn’t have to look at him making eyes at you.

“Good evening,” Thomas smiles, shaking Steve’s hand. The older man smiles at you before he takes in the new faces, Eddie and Nancy who he hasn't met yet. “Eddie and Nancy, right?”

“Yes sir.” Eddie grins, leaning forward to shake his hand. The metalhead is a little surprised by the Texan accent.

You’re too busy looking down at Eddie to notice the awestruck look on Nancy’s face as she stares at the man before her.

“I’m Thomas, you can call me Tommy though.” He waves his hand, smiling between them too, before he grabs Nancy’s hand, giving her a nod and a softer smile. “Come on in, it’s cold out here.”

Nancy pushes the wheelchair inside, walking past the man who is looking between all of you with a kind smile on his face.

Steve lifts his arm up and gestures for you to step inside. You take a deep breath and brush past him, greeting the older man once more. Your breath hitches in your throat when you feel Steve’s hand on your lower back.

“You live here too?” Eddie asks Tommy, looking back at him.

“Yeah. Me, Aaron, and my brother. This house has enough room for all of us, that way we can also leave the other houses empty for families and newcomers.”

Eddie nods, “makes sense.”

You look around, taking in the western themed decoration around the hallway, though you are still coming down from the emotions he filled you with once again. His touch lingered still even after letting go of your back. You try to focus on anything but him behind you.

The smell lingering in the house, coming from the kitchen, is mouth watering. Your stomach suddenly feels emptier than ever, making you forget the last time you had a warm home cooked meal.

Tommy leads you into the living room, where the dinner table is set up already, filled with plates, wine, and whiskey glasses. Country music is playing, and the fireplace is lit, casting an orange glow over the room.

Footsteps echo from the hallway, and you turn around to see Aaron walking into the room. A kitchen towel is slung over his shoulder. He is wearing a dark flannel, the top buttons undone, chest hair, and a silver chain around his neck on display. Your cheeks heat up at the sight of him, not being able to stop your eyes from scanning him.

You see Tommy pulling the chair back for Nancy to sit, and she thanks him, sitting down next to Eddie, still in his wheelchair, but already sitting at the table. Steve waited for you to choose a seat so he could pull the chair for you, but a deep southern voice made all of you turn again to the man who just came into the room.

“Good evening, folks. Eddie, you lookin’ sharp.” You could see Aaron’s eyes scanning your friend’s face and limbs, as if doing a medical inspection from afar. Eddie nodded with a smile, pulling his hair back from his shoulders.

“I was forced to put on this button up.” Aaron nodded, his head turning to face Nancy now.

“You look great, Nancy.” Steve froze up a bit at how friendly he was being. Way too friendly. Way too friendly for someone who knew you all for only two days. Your eyes met Nancy’s, who only turned her head a bit with a smile on her face.

“Thank you.” Steve winced a bit when Aaron turned to finally face him. He didn’t want a forced compliment, didn’t need one. But the blue eyed man didn’t care, shooting him a smile.

“Knew that sweater was your size. Told ya, Tommy.” Thomas made a mocking noise as he sat down in front of Eddie.

“Yeah, uh… Thanks.” He was about to speak again, but Aaron quickly interrupted.

“Well, sit down now, I’ll bring the food in in a second.” Your eyes looked at the available seats, one next to Tommy, the other two were at the heads of the table. Before you could take the seat next to Tommy’s, one of the head of the table’s chairs was pulled back. “You’ll sit here, Sugar.”

“Oh? Um… alright?” You questioned. Steve raised an eyebrow in question as he clenched his fists, begrudgingly sitting down next to Tommy, but gladly, he was still next to you. Your eyes met Aaron’s as you sat down, and he chuckled at your tone.

“It’s just so I can see you better. Would be a waste to miss such a view during this night.” Your entire face heated up at the blunt compliment. Direct. Straight to the point. No dancing around. You were not used to it. You didn’t know how to respond, staring at him as you were pulled into the table.

Steve’s eyes hardened as he gripped the edges of his chair, his knuckles going white in rage, in pure anxiety and nerves. He didn’t feel hungry, just nauseous. Aaron patted the back of your chair, before heading back into the kitchen. Your eyes were still a bit lost at the compliment, looking down at the plate to then hear a whistle coming from Eddie’s side, and that made you look up.

“Oh, she is flustered!” He joked, and you could only shake your head, trying to deny how weird it felt to have someone compliment you like this.

“It was just a compliment! You all got one too!” You tried to defend, but Nancy giggled, taking a sip of her glass of water, murmuring into the glass.

“We weren’t put on a display case like a nobel prize.” She joked, and you shook your head, looking away. Steve was staring at you, inspecting your expressions, the way you reacted, the way you moved, the way you talked. He was looking for any indication that would show him you disliked it. He was looking for reassurance, knowing it was selfish. Knowing he shouldn’t. But his heart had a mind of its own.

“Always the charming one. He was the one who picked out the dress you are wearing now, you know.” Tommy said, pouring himself a glass of wine and offering to Steve who was frozen at the comment. Aaron picked that outfit for you because he wanted to see you like this. He couldn’t help but feel a little angry. You weren’t a barbie doll. You weren’t sure of wearing that dress before, even if it looked really nice on you, the most beautiful thing Steve’s seen in years.

But he wasn’t prepared for you to smile, a soft voice coming off your lips.

“I ought to thank him later.”

Steve immediately let Tommy fill his glass of wine, and Eddie took notice of that. It only took four sips, and he had downed half the wine in his glass, earning him a chuckle from the man beside him. Steve cleared his throat, looking at his glass and back at the older man.

“I just– I haven’t had a good wine in some time.” He was lying. He wasn’t a wine guy, but he didn’t want to look nervous, or that he was drinking his anxiety away. He had to keep himself together. He had to.

“Tommy, don’t be a lazy ass and help me bring in the food for our guests!” You all heard Aaron yell from the kitchen, and Tommy grunted heavily, getting up from his chair.

“You’re making an old man work!” He complained, winking towards the lot of you, and walking towards the kitchen.

“You are 48, you are far from it!” You giggled at the loud voice as Tommy disappeared into the kitchen. Your eyes found Eddie who was wiggling his eyebrows your way, making you flush again and sigh, trying to look away. You felt your heart beating in your chest, and there were knots in your belly. You didn’t know why, but you were nervous.

“He’s 48!? Shit.” Nancy exclaimed in a whisper, grabbing the wine and pouring herself a glass, making your eyes widen. You heard Steve snort a bit, coughing into his fist.

“Please, tell me you didn’t–”

“I thought he was in his late 30’s!” She confessed, and you couldn’t help the fit of giggles that came over you. You’ve never seen Nancy interested in anyone, and Tommy was a handsome man, but you liked them a little younger than almost half a century. Steve couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the sound of your laughter, and then Eddie joined. You were all giggling at the table like high schoolers, only for the two men to walk in again with plates in their hands.

“What are we laughing about?” Aaron asked with a smile, and you all cleared your throats, sitting straight up again. You looked at the man, shaking your head.

“Nothing, nothing.” You tried defending, but he squinted, leaning a bit downwards towards your face, getting closer. His cologne was bitter, wooden, with a hint of leather behind it. A scent that was making it impossible not to feel drawn in.

“Liars get punished, sweets.” You felt a shiver running down your spine, his eyes just gazing into yours with something you’ve never experienced before… or maybe you have. Or you thought you did. Blue eyes that were gazing down at you, the same way hazel ones did before. Hazel ones that still do.

Yet, they meant different things, didn’t they?

Aaron straightened up, putting a plate in front of Steve, and the brown haired man was still fixated on your face. His eyebrows were furrowed into a sad frown, a worried one. Only the clinking of the porcelain of the plates being placed cut him out of his thoughts. He looked down to see a juicy steak, with some boiled potatoes and steamed vegetables on the side.

Aaron placed the other plate for you, your stomach growling at the sight of fresh meat, fresh vegetables, fresh everything. Even the spices used were fresh. It was steaming, and it smelled as delicious as it looked.

“No celery.” Aaron said, and winked your way as you gave him a shy giggle that made Steve’s skin itch. No celery? You didn’t like celery? He didn’t know that. So why did Aaron know it? Tommy placed the plates he brought in front of Nancy and Eddie, and the metalhead was salivating at the sight.

“Eddie, wait for the hosts to sit down.” Nancy said, her eyes locked in on the steak and you were sure she was saying it more to herself than to Eddie. The metalhead groaned as Tommy chuckled, going back to take his seat as Aaron went back to get their last plates.

Everyone was hungry except for one person. He didn’t know if he could eat, even if his stomach grumbled; he didn’t know if it was because of nerves or hunger. He was afraid of eating and throwing it back up.

When Aaron returned, he placed a plate in front of Tommy before sitting on the other end of the table, all across from you. He poured himself a glass of wine before raising it up towards all of you.

“May your stay here be relaxing.” His eyes were trained on yours, and you mimicked him, raising your own glass after filling it up with some wine. The rest followed, giving reassuring smiles, except for Steve. He could barely manage a tug on the lips. Once the first sip was taken, you all finally dug in, and the first to yell was–

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” You honestly expected those words from Eddie, who moaned at the first bite of his steak, not from proper Nancy Wheeler. You were all wide eyed, except for the two hosts on the table who just watched her devour her meat.

“A woman who knows how to eat.” Tommy chuckled, and you were still stunned at seeing Nancy eating like that, and it was after the fourth massive bite that she stopped to apologize.

“I’m so sorry, I just– Haven’t had fresh meat in a while, and I love meat.” Steve chuckled at that, not surprised to hear that. Nancy always ate protein in her meals before, and if it had meat even better. Tommy gave her a nod of approval, a smile on his face.

“Well, we have our farms here. We breed our own cows, chickens, pigs… But I do love a good hunt. Rabbit meat is exquisite.” You could almost giggle at how Nancy’s ears perked up, swallowing her food down.

“Well, if we are staying for a week, maybe– You can take me out hunting with you… sir.” Eddie choked on his potato, trying to cough it out, not having expected Nancy to make a move like that. You were wide eyed, cutting into the steak, side eying Steve to see if he was listening to the same thing you were, and by his amused glance, you knew you heard right.

“Oh, don’t call me sir. Makes me feel old.”

“Trust me, you don’t look old.” Aaron couldn’t help it, putting his fist over his mouth as his shoulders shook a bit at Tommy’s stunned face from Nancy’s obvious advances. Fuck, you had to keep it together. You could feel your laughter wanting to get out of your mouth, but you took deep breaths in, straightening up as you took a bite of your steak.

“Sorry for uh, Tommy’s brother, Paxton. He has night guard duty today.” Aaron explained, trying to change the subject for his friend’s sake. Eddie finally recovered and was eating an asparagus which he never thought he would, with delight.

“So you are like… The big three?” He asked, making you raise an eyebrow in confusion. Aaron chuckled, but then made a somewhat nod with a shrug.

“We are all like… heads, leaders of an area. Tommy is good with hunting, but he is also very good with the administration and organization of supplies. I am good in the medical field, but also good in the exploration team. Then, Paxton is good at fighting, but he is the one organizing the rotating teams for the day and night watches.”

You were surprised to hear how well organized this community was, and sure, Tommy might be the leader, as Aaron said, but the three of them were the ones people went to in need.

“Wow, that’s… amazing.” You said out loud, making Aaron look up and give a smile your way. You felt a small kick against your right ankle, and Steve straightened up with a wince.

“Sorry.” Aaron’s eyes drifted to the brown haired man as he took a sip of his wine. He inspected Steve, only for Tommy to interrupt his thoughts.

“So, Aaron told me here you all know the Hawkins crew! Those boys were the ones who fixed and taught us about our radios. We might be good at many things, but we lack in the technological area.” He winced a bit at his words, and Nancy giggled, wiping the corner of her mouth with the tissue.

“Yeah, I always called my brother a nerd. But, thanks to him and his nerdy friends, I really don’t know if… many of us would be alive by now.” She expressed, and you couldn’t help but notice the saddened yet relieved expression that covered her features.

“Oh, which one of those is your brother?” Tommy asked and Nancy straightened up once again.

“Mike, then the other is Holly.” Tommy nodded with a knowing expression as if deep in thought, turning to look at Aaron.

“Karen was the mom, right?” Nancy winced at the mention of her mom, and you knew it was because it would give out her age to the man before them. A man, that, from what you could gather, Nancy was trying to flirt with. Aaron went deep in thought, squinting a bit to then nod in agreement. “Let me tell you, you don’t look your age.”

Eddie, once again, choked on his food. He was trying to eat in peace, but the conversations were not helping at all. Aaron chuckled, patting his back gently as Nancy smiled, straightening up.

“I’ve been told.” You noticed how the older man’s eyes lingered on Nancy’s form as she began eating again, and you held in a whistle as you went back to your food. Steve was trying not to choke on his own potatoes as he tried to silence the room around him.

“And, are any of those other people your family?” Aaron asked as he took a bite of his own food, looking at Steve, making him talk. He gulped, taking a sip of his wine before speaking, hoping his tone would not give away his nerves.

“Uh… no. We all consider each other family.”

“From your worry over Dustin, I would have thought he was your brother.” A wave of nostalgia washed over Steve, and you could see his eyes glistening a bit as a small smile formed on his lips.

“Well… like I said… we consider each other family.” Eddie then nodded, turning to talk to Aaron.

“But, I am the most likable brother. Steve was the favorite until I arrived.” Steve squinted at his friend, shaking his head.

“Favorite?”

“Oh yeah, you think Henderson didn’t tell me how jealous you were that you hung out with me?” At that, Nancy interrupted.

“Yeah, Steve, you were jealous.” Steve rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“I wasn’t.”

“In Dustin’s words, you called me older and cooler.” Eddie mentioned, and the bantering kept going. You listened, wanting to include yourself in their conversation but feeling slightly detached from it. They talked about their friends, their family, knowing they were waiting for them. That is why they could joke about the past.

But you didn’t have a way to contact your family. You knew your brother was smart, but not that smart to build a radio station from scratch. You knew your family was alive, yet–

“What about you, Sunshine?” You looked up to look at Steve, thinking it was him the one who called out to you, but his eyes were looking towards the other end of the table, almost surprised.

You followed the gaze, seeing blue eyes staring at you with a comforting smile.

“Sorry, I heard them call you that.” He apologized and you gulped, shaking your head slowly as if saying you didn’t mind. Eddie had called you that a few times but… It was only Steve who called you Sunshine, all the time.

“I– Uh… I mentioned that my family is in Nevada, probably waiting for me, hurdled up.” You tried to joke around and Steve’s head turned your way and then he licked his lips, looking back at Aaron.

Aaron nodded, he knows that part already but you haven’t talked much about your family yet.

“We’re going there to get her parents and brother, then we are all going to California.” Aaron’s eyes met Steve’s, and the fire in the fireplace crackled a little bit. You felt some tension passing by, looking in between the two men. Aaron tilted his head, his soft smile never leaving his lips.

“Is that so?”

You felt nervous, for whatever reason. You gulped, looking at Nancy and Eddie who were also looking back and forth Steve and Aaron and then your eyes found some horse reins, hung on the wall behind Nancy. You cleared your throat, catching their attention again.

“I’ve always wanted to ride a horse. Never had the chance to do so.” Aaron raised an eyebrow in amusement and then Eddie chuckled, taking a sip of his water.

“Yeah, our Sunshine here loves all western stuff. I bet this place is her Disneyland.” You rolled your eyes trying to hide your embarrassment, looking away. Aaron chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back on his chair.

“Really, now? And you love western stuff and never rode a horse?”

“My mom is terrified of them… So, obviously, she never let us near them.” You commented with a giggle, taking a sip of your wine as Aaron’s eyes never left you.

“Tell you what. How about you and I go horseback riding one of these days?” Steve’s entire body grew a cold sweat, his fingertips going a little numb. You two? Alone? No. He couldn’t be trusted. You for sure would not accept that so easily–

“I would love that! Are the horses friendly with strangers?"

His eyes found your excited smiling face, and his heart felt like it was crumbling to the pit of his stomach. He looked down at his food, noticing he had eaten only half, or even less, compared to what everyone else ate. He felt sick. He felt pained.

"Sure thing. But Athena, our female, she loves to be ridden by pretty girls. She won't let you fall." Aaron says, smirking when he notices how flustered you got by his comment.

Steve couldn’t stop himself from putting a hand on the back of your chair, an action you grew so accustomed to, that you didn’t notice it as you began eating once again. He could feel Nancy’s eyes on him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care, but letting this man know… letting him know what?

“You two dating?” Everyone looked at Tommy, wondering who he was talking to, and then he pointed towards you and Steve with his fork. Only then, you notice the hand on the back of your chair. Indignation rose up in your throat, gulping as your jaw clenched. Steve didn’t even say anything, and you couldn’t believe him. Why isn’t he the one responding when he was the one who rejected you?

You cleared your throat, looking down at the last bits of your food.

“No, we’re just partners.”

And Steve felt his entire self break down at that second. He became void. Numb. He could hear everyone else talking, and if at some point he was talked to, hopefully they didn’t think he ignored them on purpose. He just wasn’t there.

He felt empty. There was laughter, but the smile never reached his face. There were stories, but none came out of his mouth. There were plans, yet he could not register a single one. He felt his chest being compressed, as if someone was doing a vacuum seal around him, and he couldn’t stop it.

He didn’t even register the moment you all got up and bid goodbye to Aaron and Tommy. He saw Nancy talking to Tommy privately for a bit, but his eyes went back to you. You were with Aaron and Eddie, talking about Eddie’s health, but Steve’s ears were ringing. Thrumming. Banging. Stinging.

When you all got to the house, Nancy helped Eddie in, and before you walked in, the cold air hit his lungs again. He took a deep breath in, and his hand shot out to grab your wrist.

Your breath got caught in your throat, and you turned to look at Steve, who looked as lost as he was at the dinner table. His breathing was heavy, labored, the foggy breath coming out of his mouth thanks to the cold.

“Partners? We’re not even friends?” He asked, gulping heavily as he waited for your answer. He feared it. He feared you. He feared losing you. You doomed him, completely, and you hadn’t even got a clue of it.

But instead of words, you ripped your hand away from him, and you gave him a shake of your head. You didn’t even speak to him. He couldn’t read you, not anymore. Your smile was gone. Your joy with him left you. Your warmth left him.

And you entered the cabin, leaving him out there in the cold. He grabbed onto his head as he tried to gather himself, try to stitch his broken parts together again, because– He couldn’t blame you for what he felt. He couldn’t blame Aaron. He couldn’t blame anyone else.

Only himself.

And so, he should learn to live without you. He has to. He had to. But how could he? How was he going to be able to do that–

When your smile was the first thing he looked forward to every single morning.

☀︎

well well well... poor Steve but he set himself up didn't he...?

also also Tommy... this is Tommy.

taglist: @prettyboyeddiemunson @pretentious-blonde @thecreelhouse @tvserie-s-world @thesickestqrmydcll @crispystarfishhottub @sophal22 @definitionwanderlust @talkativecarnation @mysticalwoolenfroglegs @ariesandwolves @mortqlprojections @sattlersquarry @sherrylyn0628 @purpleeyeswithgoldensparkles @micheledawn1975 @keepingitlokiii @littleromanoff2005 @sunshine-mrk @xxladymjxx @bananasplits-world @myharrington

#steve harrington x reader #stranger things angst #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington

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marvelouslymarly · 1 day ago

Text

After Midnight (Bob Reynolds x female superhero!reader)

[Gif credits to @a-reader-and-a-writer]

Pairing: Bob Reynolds/Robert Reynolds/the Sentry/the Void x female superhero!reader

Summary: You're out with the team when some dude starts acting like an ass. Bob helps you get away and takes you home to show you how a lady should be treated...

Rated E for explicit - Minors do not interact!!

CW: physical violence (bar brawl); the void showing up for a second there; some hints at sexual harrassment/assault (no on page rape!); Bob dancing with reader; fluff; half of this is smut (first time reader and Bob sleep together; oral/female and male receiving; fingering, p in v sex (protected); multiple orgasms) [i think i need a pastor]; minor thunderbolts* spoiler warning bc this is set after the film

Word count: 10.6k words (and I thought the last one was a long one, LOL)

Masterlist

[A/N #1: Got the idea for this on the drive home from my parents' place while listening to After Midnight by Chappel Roan, so here you go]

[A/N #2: thank you to @scuttle-buttle for cheering me on and reading through this!!! Dedicating this to you, babes🫰🏻]

The music was blasting over the speakers, and you could feel the beat in every cell of your body. The team had decided to go out that night, needing a break from training and recon-missions and the same old day-in-and-day-out of the last few weeks. While the guys had stayed back at the bar, Ava and Yelena had pulled you into the center of the dance floor, telling you to put yourself out there and have some fun for once. You knew that they were right. It had been a while since you forgot about work and everything that came with first being one of Val's shadow ops and then becoming part of what Val intended to become the new Avengers.

Even after a few months, the title still didn't feel right. It was just too loaded with expectations, with ideas and opinions about who you should be, what you should or shouldn't do. You guys weren't shiny and new. You were rough around the edges, with problems and your own past full of mistakes and regrets. You all had things you'd like to forget or wished to have gone up in flames with every little detail Val put in that vault.

Being called the "new Avengers" felt like stepping into footsteps not only way too big to fill, but also just the wrong shape to begin with. It was like trying to match the tracks of bears with those of lions. You were a different species of heroes - and even calling yourself heroes felt wrong somehow. You were too familiar with being the bad guys, with having your stories twisted, being used for whatever wrong someone wanted done without getting their own hands dirty. But now, you were supposed to be the ones stopping the bad guys, to fight the guys you were made out to be before.

So, this night out felt like the right call for multiple reasons. It was good for forgetting about work, but also for getting to know each other outside of work settings. You'd lived with them for months and knew everything about who preferred what guns, who would do what whenever you were out on missions but whenever you came home, you'd retreat into your own spaces, resting and trying to figure out where you all fit into whatever Val had in mind when she called the press on you and announced her new team of superheroes come to save the world.

~~~

Earlier that evening, while putting on that one dress in the back of your wardrobe, you could hear your mother's voice in the back of your head, telling you not to dress this provocatively. To be a good girl and cover yourself before the Lord's eyes. You felt the anger you'd repressed for so long bubble back up inside of you. Images of the time before you ran away from home came rushing back in.

The front lawns of the neighbourhood peppered with signs with psalms and verses written on them. Crosses in every room of the house you’d grown up in. The metal rods and mosquito nets outside the windows to “keep evil out” but, in all honesty, they were there to keep you from climbing out the windows in the middle of the night. Memories of everything your parents tried to make you believe about the virtues of life and how to be a pious girl and a good servant of the Lord.

You could feel the bile rise, thinking back to the person they had tried to turn you into.Their attempts to marry you off to some boy from the community. Michael Dawson. A good boy, named after the archangel. A god-fearing boy just barely old enough to drive a car. In the year before your parents had told you about their plans, you had barely exchanged two sentences with him. But still, it was blatantly obvious to everyone who looked at him and at the way he looked at Paul for even a second, that this probably wouldn’t have been the happy and sacred marriage your parents had envisioned for you.

When the blip first happened, it felt like you were set free from everything you hated so much. With your family gone, there was nothing holding you back from leaving the community while the rest turned to prayers and service. Just having turned 18 a couple of weeks ago, you’d grabbed the keys to your father’s truck and never looked back.

You caught a look of yourself in the mirror and thought about how far you'd come in the last 8 years. How much distance you'd put between your old life and this new one - regardless of how lost you still felt sometimes. You thought about how you moved to the big city and took up self-defense classes after a close call on your way home from work one night. How powerful you felt once you’d realised you loved to fight and get stronger both physically and mentally. That now, there was very little that you couldn’t get through because you didn’t have to rely on prayers anymore.

You pulled the dress down in the front, revealing more cleavage, and adjusted how your breasts sat in the built-in cups. The thought of your mother’s jaw falling to the floor at the sight of you in this get up, her hands doing quick work to bless herself, sent a smirk to your lips. You smoothed out the dress, letting your hands dance over the sides of your body while you admired yourself. The tightness of the dress, hugging you in just the right places, the skirt just long enough to cover the ass that you trained so hard for. Reapplying the dark red lipstick, you smacked your lips in a playful manner and ran your hand through your locks before leaving your room and joining the others in the common area of your shared apartment.

You could still hear the whistles Walker had sent your way, adding an approving 'looking good, [y/l/n]' after standing up straighter and looking you up and down. You rolled your eyes at him while you put your purse over your shoulder, and then adjusted the leather jacket thrown over your am.

"You clean up nice, too, I guess," you retorted and looked around the group.

Ava and Yelena had put themselves into their best party outfits as well, wearing a knowing smirk while putting up both thumbs, respectively. When your eyes landed on Bob, you could see a faint pink tint to his cheeks, and he quickly averted your gaze, nodding vigorously.

"Yeah, you look really nice... Really... nice, yeah!" He cleared his throat, the blush deepening a few shades. His jaw clenched and you smiled to yourself, having secretly hoped he'd like the way you'd dressed up.

When you'd first met him in the vault those few months ago, in the scrubs that seemed three sizes too big for him, he looked like a helpless puppy, his blue eyes so big and excited at what he'd stumbled into - literally. But then, when you saw what he was capable of, both as the Sentry and the Void and your interest in him grew. He was no longer just the sad, helpless puppy but something more intriguing. Someone with layers that you wanted to uncover one at a time.

After first moving to New York and into the Watchtower with the others, there weren't many chances for you two to interact, to get to know each other better. But when it became more and more obvious that he wasn't ready to be sent out into missions with the rest of the team just yet, you came up with the idea of rotating who would stay at home with him. The rest of the team welcomed the idea of it and so, whenever someone wasn't needed for the mission, they'd try and help Bob figure out how to channel his inner Sentry without also summoning the Void with it. Or they'd bake cakes or make dinner for when the others came back.

You'd stayed back with him two times at that point but every time you asked if he wanted to join you for a gym session or for a swim in the new pool, he'd come up with excuses. Saying he'd sprained his ankle the last time he was working out with Bucky or that he'd just done his daily laps in the morning and was looking forward to reading that one book he didn't have the chance to get to yet. The first time around, you figured he was just a little anti-social and needed some more time to get comfortable but then you heard about how Yelena had gotten him to punch the punching bag so forcefully that it came off the hinges and flew to the other side of the gym and how even Walker could convince him to try some new technique to compartmentalise.

When he declined your invitation to watch a movie the second time you stayed behind, you grew weary, scared that you'd done something wrong or that he just simply didn't like you at all. That the interest you had in him wasn’t reciprocated. But, seeing him blush at the sight of you all dolled up set the tiny bit of hope you still had ablaze once more. On the way to the bar, you caught yourself disengaging from the conversation, coming up with ideas or ways to get him on his own, hoping that he’d be more forthcoming once he had a drink or two in him.

~~~

The feeling of arms slipping around your waist brought you back to the bar and to the song you were mindlessly singing along to. Hands were moving down to your waist, holding onto you as you swayed your hips from side to side. Your eyes travelled down your figure, thinking that maybe it was one of the guys playing a trick on you but then you didn't recognise the tattoos winding up the left forearm and into the rolled up sleeves. Your head turned to the side, trying to catch a glimpse of you had come up behind you but you couldn’t quite make out who it was, an uneasy feeling settling in your stomach.

Looking around for the girls, you saw that Ava and Yelena had gone back over to the bar, probably to get you guys some drinks. Also sitting at the bar, you made out Walker, Bob and Bucky - the latter engaged in a conversation with some girl desperately trying to get his number from the way she pushed her phone into his direction, a bright smile on her lips, despite the restrained expression on his face and him shaking his head repeatedly, pushing her phone back every time it made contact with his chest.

Wildly gesticulating with every fiber of his being, Walker was talking to Bob, who was staring into the glass in front of him. You weren’t sure if he was just lost in thought or if he had one too many, his face inattentive and his shoulders slumped. His gaze wandered over to you, as if he’d felt your eyes on him, and then to the guy behind you, his jaw clenching tightly. Just as quickly as his eyes had met yours, they were back on the remnants of whatever drink he had been musing before, his knuckles turning white in the dim light.

The arms around your hip pulled you back, bringing your attention back to the dancefloor, and you felt a very clammy shirt press into your shoulders before the smell of cheap alcohol mixed with even cheaper breath mints filled your nostrils. Your whole body tensed, when the guy’s right hand travelled back up your side and stopped just under your breast for a second, before moving to the front and up to your neck.

"Hey, Mama, you alone here," the voice slurred questioning, hot breath hitting your ear and neck, and sending goosebumps down your body. His hand was slowly wrapping around your neck and made you turn your head again. Out the corner of your eye, you could clock the name tag on his shirt, making out ‘Sam’ written in cursive stitches.

Feeling your throat close up from the stinging aroma of the cheap liquor he must've bathed in, you tried to push Sam’s arms off of your body, scratching at his skin. But his grip didn’t budge one bit, only growing tighter, his nails digging in through the fabric of your dress and into your neck.

Your desperate pleas for him to let go of you seemed to be useless, lost to the loud music coming from the speakers in every corner of the dance floor. But you couldn't get anything out above a feeble whisper, tears brimming in your eyes while snippets of the last time you went to a bar raced through your brain.

"Why are you so tense? Let's have some fun, baby," Sam pushed and started to grind into you from behind, his dick getting harder with every move, pressing into your behind.

Again, you looked around for the rest of the team, hoping someone would notice your struggle and come over to help. But Ava and Yelena were nowhere to be seen, and Walker must’ve gone out to get some fresh air with Bucky because they weren’t where you had last seen them either. The only team member you could still make out was Bob, sitting at the bar with his back turned to you, waving down the bartender for another drink.

Realising you were on your own in this one, you tried to turn around, to get some leverage on him and were just able to turn your face away when he leant down and tried to press a kiss to your lips.

“I told you to leave me be,” you repeated forcefully, your flat hand landing on his cheek in a satisfying slap.

An urgent cry left your mouth, then, and the force behind your shove grew stronger, pushing Sam away from you and making him lose his balance. He stumbled back a step or two before he caught himself again, glaring at you.

He pushed up his sleeves again and started to come at you, an evil sneer on his face.

"What's your fucking problem, bitch,” he spat and looked you up and down, stepping closer slowly.

“You dress like that, and then you turn into a prude when -"

He was cut off short when a fist met his jaw and threw him into the people surrounding you, a tooth and a spray of blood flying from his mouth. You looked at who had landed that blow, still unable to fully comprehend what had just happened.

To your right, there stood Bob, his mouth hanging open a bit and his eyes glowing a dangerous golden colour. You hadn't noticed him getting up from the bar and coming over, but you were deeply grateful for him doing so, scared of what would've happened if he hadn't stepped in.

When he realised what he'd done, he shook his head slightly, the blue returning to his eyes once more, and he got ready to fight. With his fists raised in front of his face, he waited for the other guy to get back up again.

“What do you want, you limp noodle of a man, huh? You just got lucky with that one, fella.” The other guy pointed at Bob before spitting blood onto the light-up dance floor and cracking his neck, walking up to Bob. When he was still a few steps from him, Bob threw another punch, this time with even more force behind it and knocking Sam right out. There was a dark air around him, blackness enveloping his fist and travelling up his arm right before your eyes.

“She told you to leave her alone, asshat,” the Void growled, his voice several shades darker than that of Bob.

Looking at the limp figure before him for a split second, the Void went back in, throwing punch after punch, the black hand glistening from what must have been even more blood. Scared of what he’d do to Sam, you tried pulling Bob off of him, whispering into his ear that it was enough and for him to come back to you.

“Bob, please. He’s down already”, you begged and finally got enough strength to drag him away. Cupping his face, you tried to get Bob to focus on you and the black started to recede from his arms, his bloody hand cradling your face in return. It took a moment for the blue to return to his eyes again, for his jaw to unclench and the deep frown to relax a little.

"Are you ok, [y/n]?” Bob’s voice had gotten softer, his eyes searching yours for any sign of lasting harm.

"Yeah, I think I just need some fresh air," you murmured and held onto his shirt, your legs feeling like jell-o all of a sudden.

Bob wrapped a protective arm around your back when he felt you dip against his stature and pulled you closer, his eyes going to somewhere behind you. He gulped loudly and you looked over your shoulder at what he’d seen.

"You two!" The security guard pointed at you and Bob, and then motioned for you to get out of there.

"Congrats, you just earned yourself a no-return ticket out of this bar," the guard added, and Bob started sputtering, trying to argue about how Sam had started it, how he was just trying to protect you and that Sam should be the one getting kicked out of the bar instead. Picking up the bloody mess that the Void had turned Sam into, the security guard started for the door, looking over his shoulder as if waiting for us to follow him.

"Oh, don't worry, he's going with you!" The guard pushed Bob towards the back exit, Bob's shoulders slumping a little before making his way out of the group of onlookers, pulling you with him by the hand. You intertwined your fingers with his, trying not to lose him while pushing through the mass.

"Our friends are still inside," you tried when you got outside, but the security guard wouldn't have any of it, telling you 'life sucks' and 'better luck next time' while propping Sam up against the wall of the back alley. Without another word, he made for the back entrance before the door fell shut on him, and then disappeared into the turmoil inside the bar.

Looking around the dark alleyway, Bob scoffed before turning towards you, an angry look on his face.

"What a dick!"

You just shrugged your shoulders and felt tears well up in your eyes again, the shock of the situation wearing down and the fear taking over once more. When you tugged at his hand, Bob looked down, realising he was holding your hand, fingers intertwined, and let go before scratching the back of his head.

"Sorry, I didn't realise..."

He wiped his hands on his shirt, the blood staining the white shirt he was wearing under the flannel, and apologised again. When the first tears started to roll down your cheeks, a sob left your mouth and pulled his gaze back to you. His eyes widened in shock and his jaw went slack again, his brows knitting together in a regretful frown.

"Oh, no... I didn't mean to... [y/n], please don't cry..." He came up to you and cupped your cheeks, looking into your eyes deeply before wrapping his arms around you tightly. "I'm sorry... I just get really clammy hands whenever I feel... overwhelmed… And well, the blood and all…"

The embrace was warm, his arms feeling like a protective blanket wrapping around you, shielding you from any more harm. You sidled up to him, relishing in the comfort the hug offered against the cold air of night-time New York in early December. You stayed wrapped in his arms for a second, silent tears rolling down your cheeks while you tried to gather yourself, listening to the faint sound of his heart beating rapidly.

When you heard the groggy groans of the figure behind you, you tensed again and looked up at Bob, his face breaking further when he saw your tear-stained cheeks.

"Can you please get me out of here," you begged, grabbing a fistful of his shirt, and he nodded quickly before letting one arm fall down from its place around your frame and cupping your cheek.

"Yeah, sure. Just tell me where to," he affirmed, wiping away the latest tears with the pad of his thumb. When he realised that you were shivering, he shimmied out of his flannel, wrapping it around your shoulders and mumbling ‘here, this should keep you warm’ under his breath.

"Just take me home, please." You pulled the soft fabric around you tighter, the warm scent of cedarwood and vanilla mixed with his own warm smell enveloping your senses.

He nodded again and turned towards the exit of the alleyway, his right arm wrapping around your shoulder again while he led you towards the main street.

~~~

You guys spent the first few minutes of your walk in silence, not sure how to make conversation after what had happened.

That was until you were stood at a red light and Bob turned towards you, his arm having fallen from around you a few blocks ago.

"I'm sorry, I got us kicked out of the bar," he apologised and put his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, the uneasy look from earlier making its way back onto his face, knitting his eyebrows together and making him pull his bottom lip between his teeth.

"You really seemed to have a good time until that fucker turned up," Bob went on and you shrugged, the fun from earlier already a distant memory in the racing tornado of thoughts wreaking havoc in your mind.

"It was alright", your voice was low and you kicked at the burger wrapping left behind on the sidewalk, hoping you'd be able to boot the haunting images of past trauma away with it.

"Maybe it's stupid, but I kinda wanted to dance with you up there", Bob admitted, looking off towards the traffic light on the other side of the crossing.

His fingers were mindlessly fidgeting with the brand label at the hem of his shirt, a nervous habit you had observed so often when you were around him. When his gaze met yours, the small smile playing on his lips sent butterflies to your stomach, a warmth you hadn't felt in ages rushing up your arms and down your back.

"You looked really beautiful, you know. In the lights, lost to the music. Like you were somewhere else entirely and you didn't have a care in the world", he added, a chuckle at the end of his sentence, and his eyes sparkled, reflecting the cool light of the headlights lining the street.

"I would have liked that", you admitted, offering him a warm smile in return before turning your attention to the changing traffic light indicating you were allowed to cross the street.

“You wouldn’t have enjoyed that for long though,” he replied, chuckling to himself again, before looking over to where you were walking by his side. “I am a really terrible dancer. Like… I’ve totally got two left feet. Just the thought makes me feel sorry for your toes.”

He struck a pose and wiggled his butt to imaginary music when he reached the sidewalk, looking over his shoulder at you with his bottom lip between his teeth and trying his best to look seductive.

This had you laughing loudly then, holding onto his arm for support and putting your head against his shoulder, your eyes closing in appreciation.

“Thank you! I really needed that right now, Bob,” you got out between laughs and grinned up at him, the butterflies in your stomach making you feel like you were 14 all over again.

“Always at your service, m’lady.” He bowed and winked at you before continuing his way down the street, pulling you with him by the hand.

~~~

“Ok, so, I’m gonna hop in the shower real quick, but how about we put on some music after and have that dance party”, you suggested, walking through the elevator doors and looking over your shoulder at Bob, who had an easy smile on his face, his cheek a healthy shade of pink from all the laughing.

He put his arms out and grabbed a hold of the lapelles of the flannel you were still wearing, pulling you back closer to him before wrapping his arms around your frame in a tight hug. You snuggled up to him, ignoring the bloody streaks on his shirt and buried your head against his chest.

“What’s that for,” you asked, looking up at him from under your lashes and trying to keep yourself from blushing at the softness in his eyes.

“I just felt like hugging you, that’s all,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders. “You looked so cuddly in the dim light, wrapped up in my flannel.”

The words left his mouth quietly, barely above a whisper and when he realised he’d said it aloud, his eyes grew wide, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in a thick gulp. After trying to find the right words to reply to this and coming up empty, you pushed up on your tiptoes and put a quick kiss on his cheek. Scared you took it too far, you wriggled out of the embrace and turned to the general direction of your bedroom, leaving Bob standing near the elevator, his fingers repeatedly running over the spot that you had just kissed, his eyes glued to where you had just stood and his mouth opening and closing rapidly.

“Remember, dance party in the living room in ten minutes,” you yelled over your shoulder and vanished in your bedroom.

~~~

You connected your phone to the speakers in the living room, sneaking up to Bob sitting on the couch and wrapped your arms around his neck, a giant grin playing at your lips.

“Ready to dance, Bob,” you whispered in his ear cheekily, drawing out his name and letting your hands run down his chest while your towel dried hair fell around you.

He grabbed your wrists and pulled you over the back of the couch swiftly, making you land with your head in his lap, his hand quickly moving to your hip to keep you from rolling off the couch.

“You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into,” he joked and pulled you up with him, his arm wrapped around you and letting his hand rest on the small of your back.

“Well, if you dance anything like what you showed me down on that street corner, I’m in for a hell of a time.” You pulled your phone from the pocket of the shorts you had gotten into after the shower and looked through your playlist for a good song to start with.

“Here, I think this will be a good one,” you mumbled, choosing ‘Me because of You’ by the Faim, and wiggled your eyebrows at him playfully, when the song started playing over the speakers.

“Ok, I think I can work with this,” he said, nodding his head and moving the coffee table off to the side to make more room for us to have fun. He stretched his arms and cracked his neck, starting with a simple step-touch and moving his shoulders to the beat of the song.

You studied him for a second, suddenly a little scared of what he might think of you if you just let loose and have fun. He motioned for you to come closer and you followed his request, stepping closer and trying to keep from laughing, when he faked licking his pointer and pinky and smoothing his eyebrows over.

“Come on, you can’t hold back now, [y/n],” he yelled over the music and pulled me closer right when the song said ‘dance with me, feel the beat, follow my lead’. He placed your hands on his shoulders and then put his hands on your waist again, starting to waltz with you for a whole two seconds before both of you burst out laughing.

“You wanted to dance with me. So, dance, love,” he added and moved his body to the beat again.

“I’m nervous,” you confessed, running your hands over the clean shirt he put on while you were in the shower, and looked at him, biting your lip restlessly.

“Close your eyes and just imagine I’m not here. You’re alone in your room where no one can see you. And then do what you do,” he tried, brushing a strand of towel dried hair out of your face.

“If it helps, I can close my eyes, too,” he offered and put his hands over his eyes, peeking through his fingers.

“Fine,” you grumbled and moved away from him a little, turning your back on him but then looking back over your shoulder to make sure he had his eyes covered.

When you saw that he really wasn’t peeking, you started to move and smiled to yourself, feeling the music take over your body and jumping up and down giddily. After a few seconds, you started to sing along and moved freely, turning around and shimmying your shoulders and nodding your head.

“Are you doing it? Are you dancing,” he asked, still covering his eyes but moving his hips to the beat.

You peeled his hands from his eyes and pulled him into the middle of the carpet, making him stumble over his own feet. He opened one eye, looking at your dancing figure, and you tried to hide the smirk playing at your lips. He joined in with dancing and pursed his lips, concentrating on his moves so as not to stumble over his own feet again.

When the chorus started to play for the last time, he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer again, and started swaying with you, his head on top of yours. He intertwined his fingers with yours and then moved away from you, extending his arms before stepping in again. He threw your arms over his shoulders and stepped past you before turning around quickly, to repeat this spiel another time, though instead of simply stepping past you, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, swaying from side to side.

Bob sang along to the words, his voice in your ear as his head dipped down a little and then he spun you around and caught you in his arms again more masterfully than he had led on to believe before.

“Tonight, I’ve changed, yeah. I’m only me because of you.” He put his cheek against yours and hummed happily, picking you up and twirling you around.

When the song had ended, he held you in place, your forehead resting against his. His gaze was moving back and forth between your eyes and your lips, his breath having grown a little shallow. You could feel his hand travel up your side and then caress your cheek, his face coming closer until you could feel his shallow breath on your lips, the tips of your noses just millimeters away from each other.

Expecting him to close the last bit of distance, you closed your eyes and turned your head upwards a little, your heart beating rapidly inside your chest. The moments until he finally put his lips to yours felt like an eternity, millions of thoughts running through your brain, the anticipation of what it’d feel like to kiss him raising goosebumps across your body. When he finally closed the distance and kissed you, his lips were soft, moving against yours slowly at first and then you deepened the kiss, moving your hand to the back of his head. Your other hand ran up his chest, feeling his pecs flex under your touch.

When your teeth sank into his bottom lip, he let out a soft moan and you slipped your tongue into his mouth, exploring it carefully and moving your tongue in sync with his. His hand grabbed a fistful of your shirt and he moved you back over to the couch, letting you drop into his lap when the couch hit the back of his legs and he sat down.

You straddled him, your left arm wrapping around him to hold onto the backrest to keep you from falling into him, while your right hand ran through the hair at the back of his head, pulling on it softly, when one of his hands moved up the outside of your thigh to your hip.

He pulled away from you for a second, trying to catch his breath, his mouth hanging open a little while he searched your eyes for any sign of regret. When he couldn’t find any but instead realised that your mouth had split into a bright smile, he chuckled cheerfully and kissed you again hungrily.

With the kisses getting more and more heated, you started grinding into him, the aching need for feeling him closer growing in the pit of your stomach. When you rolled your hips a little extra hard, he groaned deeply and the grip of his hand on your hip grew stronger, a pleasant pain running up your spine and making you throw your head back.

His lips went to your neck, peppering hot, open-mouthed kisses on the soft skin and then he started sucking on the pulse point underneath your ear, biting and licking and driving you into overdrive. The fingers buried in his hair pulled on his locks and his growing bulge started to rub up against you just the right way when he bucked his hips in response.

“We… should probably…”, he started in between kisses and you nodded mindlessly, trying to get as much friction from grinding down into him harder.

“Fuck, [y/n], ok, wait…” He stopped you from moving your hips by wrapping his arm around you and pulling you impossibly close, and then made you look him in the eyes before going on: “I can’t do it like this… If I have you, I want all of you.”

You gulped at this, realising he wasn’t joking and felt your jaw go slack.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but I will not let this be how I have you for the first time.” His thumb caressed your cheek and he kissed you softly, his forehead falling to yours, probably fighting the urge to just have you right then and there.

“Then take me to your room, Bob,” you mumbled breathlessly when he pulled away again, nuzzling your face with his in a love-drunken state. You placed soft kisses all over his face, earning a little chuckle from him, when you moved down to his neck, his head falling back to give you more room to work with.

“[y/n], god, you drive me crazy,” he moaned and let his hands slip underneath your shirt, sending shivers down your spine from the tiny sparks his touch left on your skin. Letting out a ‘mh-hm’ in response, you ran your thumb over his bottom lip and kissed him again, your tongue slipping into his mouth easily.

His hands went down your back and held onto your ass when he picked you up in one smooth motion, your legs wrapping around his hips to gain more stability. Your arms snaked around his neck and a chuckle escaped your mouth when he stumbled over the couch on his way out of the living room, holding you in space with one arm while he steadied himself.

“How about we stop kissing until we’re actually in your bedroom,” you joked and he nodded, telling you ‘that’s a good idea’ before making his way over to his bedroom, his steps quick and assertive.

“Wait, we still have to turn off the music,” you realised when you were halfway down the hallway and Bob stopped dead in his tracks, sighing heavily. He looked back over his shoulder and you could see the cogs work behind his eyes, trying to decide what to do.

“Ok, you go turn off the music and I’ll get everything ready?”

Setting you down on the floor, he pecked your lips and then slapped your ass, making you jump a little and hurry back to the living room. You made quick work of turning off the music and grabbing your phone, eager to get back to Bob and what you were doing, running back down the hallway to where his bedroom was. Sliding in through the door, you stopped when you saw that Bob was on the phone with someone, holding up a finger to you just as you wanted to ask what was wrong.

“Oh, no, y’all can stay out longer. No… No. [y/n] wasn’t feeling too hot, so I took her home.” He looked at the floor for a second, scratching his head while trying to understand Yelena over the thumping music on the other side of the line. “I think she’s sleeping already. No… I don’t think she’ll mind! Go have fun, you guys,” he added and then ended the call after telling Yelena goodbye.

“Is everything ok,” you enquired, walking up to him and putting your phone on his desk, the screen lighting up and showing you had a couple of missed calls from Yelena and Ava. He matched you and put his phone down next to yours, before turning back to you and searching your face for a second.

“Yeah, they were just worried where we went and because they couldn’t reach us earlier.”

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer and brushing the hair from the slope of your neck, adding a ‘so, where were we’ before running his fingers over the soft skin under your chin.

“Are they coming back already?” You asked, your head falling back when Bob started to kiss your neck.

“No, there’s this party at another bar they wanna check out.” He bit your neck playfully and then nuzzled the side of your face, telling you that the two of you should be in the clear for the next few hours. He picked you up again and walked over to his bed, dropping you in the middle of the mattress before climbing onto the mattress and kneeling down between your legs.

“Next few hours? What do you have planned,” you asked cheekily, your hands working on taking off his shirt.

“I’m gonna take my time with you, love,” he replied, helping you to get him out of his shirt and kissing you passionately.

Your fingertips ran over his abs and up into his hair again and you pulled him down with you, moaning when his hips settled between yours like puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly.

“God, you sound so good when you moan,” he whined desperately, his hand caressing your cheek and then running through your hair. “You sound so much better than I could ever imagine.”

“You imagined how I’d sound?” Your voice was barely a whisper, too much anticipation and desire clouding your brain already. The building tension in your core was painful at this point and you could feel your arousal gathering between your legs.

“More often than I’d like to admit, yes.” His kisses were growing hungrier with every passing second, his hands running down your sides, pulling at the fabric of your shirt and digging into the bare skin of your legs. He wanted to feel your skin and memorise every inch of it, having wanted to touch you for months now.

“What did you picture,” you asked, flipping you over and straddling his hips again, pulling your shirt over your head and grinding your hips into his rhythmically. His eyes were wandering over your torso, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip before he sat up and wrapped his arms around you to work on undoing your bra. When he’d opened the clasp in the back, he slipped the straps down your shoulders, kissing the freckles that dusted your skin there.

“The way you’d sound… How you’d taste…” He pulled your face closer, his fingers on your chin, and placed his lips on yours again, this time slow and deep. His other hand came up to your right breast and cupped it, running his thumb over your nipple hardening from the relative cold in the room. “How you’d look taking me. The way your face breaks when I make you cum…”

He bucked his hips, his clothed erection pushing up into your clit and you gasped, running your fingernails over his abs, your head falling forwards to rest on his shoulder. You moved your hips with his, the layered fabric of your shorts and panties rubbing up against your core with every thrust of his hips. It had been a while since you last were intimate with someone, so you could already feel the knot in your lower stomach begin to tighten, your breath hitching when Bob’s tongue licked over your sensitive nipple before taking your breast into his mouth.

Your hand travelled further south and you lifted your hips, dipping your fingers into the waistband of his joggers, realising he wasn’t wearing any boxers underneath when you made contact with his hot skin. Trying to meet his eyes, you lifted your eyebrows in surprise and he shrugged, letting go of your breast with a popping sound.

“Hey, a guy can hope, right,” he tried to defend himself and smirked at you, when you pushed him down onto the mattress, while your other hand slipped into his joggers fully and wrapped around his hard length. He was bigger than you’d imagined, thicker too, and at the thought of having him inside of you, your pussy started to ache deliciously and eager.

You pumped your hand up his length slowly and his eyes rolled up into his head, his jaw hanging open slightly, a string of curses and whines leaving his mouth. Seeing him enjoy your touch this much, sent you into overdrive, and you moved off his legs, pulling down his joggers with you, before throwing them to the other corner of his room. His erection sprang free and you took in the sight before you, Bob leaning on his elbows, completely naked and looking sexier than you ever dreamt up.

Running your hands through your hair, you felt your cheeks heat up and hid your face in your hands, chuckling to yourself for a second.

“What? [y/n], what’s wrong? Did I do something wrong,” he asked, worry evident in his voice while he moved to sit up a little, his hands on your shoulders.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” you started and took a deep breath, letting your hands fall from your face and meeting his eyes. “It’s just been a while and I… Well, I didn’t think I’d ever end up in this situation,” you added, your eyes darting over the smile lines appearing around his eyes and the dimple in his right cheek. “I think, it just hit me that this is happening, you know?”

He nodded, understanding you perfectly well, his thumb caressing your cheek before he kissed you. His arms wrapped around your shoulders and he laid you down gently, settling between your legs. You deepened the kiss, running your left hand through his dark locks while your right hand travelled down his back and settled on his hips. You wrapped one of your legs around his hip and smiled into the kiss, enjoying the feeling of his skin on your own.

“Like I said, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And we can take our time, there’s no rush. Not tonight,” he murmured against your lips, his forehead resting on yours between soft kisses.

“I want you, Bob,” you whispered, searching his eyes, the blue of them having darkened by lust. “I want all of you.”

His face split into a bright grin and he let his head fall to the crook of your neck, hiding his own nervousness by peppering your skin with kisses again. His left hand moved down your side and to the leg wrapped around his hip as he angled his hip a little, his erection brushing up against your core again. You moaned softly and tried to meet him better, your leg snaking around him more tightly.

“If we’re really gonna do this, then we’re gonna do this right,” Bob said, his voice darker than before and sending shivers down your spine.

He pulled away from you, his fingertips moving to the waistband of your shorts and he pulled them down your legs, your panties coming off with them. Bob tossed them over to where his joggers had landed and spread your legs slowly, taking you in and biting on his bottom lip, his eyes sparkling in the dim light from his bedside lamp. He let his fingers dance over the inside of your legs, drawing loose shapes on your skin from your ankles up to your hips and then grabbed one of his pillows from above your head. You lifted your hips and he put the pillow under your ass, settling between your legs and looking at you intently from under his lashes.

“You sure you wanna do this? You can say no or stop me at any time,” he assured you and you nodded, biting down on the knuckle of your index finger in anticipation, butterflies making somersaults in your tummy. He lowered his head and blew on you, earning himself a low whimper from you, the air feeling cold against your wet pussy. He ran a finger up between your folds and chuckled, sending vibrations through your core from how close his mouth was to your center.

“God, you’re already so wet and I haven’t even done anything.”

His finger slipped into your vagina with ease and the squelching sound that was heard by him pulling it out again, made the blush on your cheeks deepen. He pushed his finger back in and then curled it, making you moan his name loudly as he brushed your g-spot. He repeated this a couple of times while his tongue ran along the outside of your folds, slowly making its way inwards. When he finally ran the tip of his tongue up your folds and flicked your clit, your hips bucked, another moan falling from your lips, having him hum in response.

“You taste so good, babe.” He lapped at you and then slowed down again, the tip of his tongue circling your clit and then flicking it with a masterful tab, sending sparks up your spine and making your toes curl. Your fingers buried into his locks again and you pulled on them, pulling him closer in an attempt to get even more friction.

“Mhm, do you like that,” he asked, meeting your gaze and smirking cheekily.

“Yeah, feels good, Bob,” you moaned, your head falling back down and your eyes rolling back when he removed his finger from your hole and circled your pussy with the tip of his tongue. Then, he added another finger up, running them through your folds and back down towards your vagina before thrusting them in, this time a little more forcefully.

You yelped in surprise and pulled on his hair, your legs going a little numb. He waited to move his fingers for a second, looking down at how his fingers had disappeared in you completely and then pulled them back out a bit, curling the same way he did before, brushing over your g-spot again. When he’d found a good rhythm that had you breathing heavily, the knot tightening in your stomach, he put his mouth on you again and pushed you over the edge, your toes curling while your legs tensed around his head. One of your hands left his head to move to the bedsheets, gripping it hard as pleasure rushed over your body like a tidal wave.

“Fuck, Bob, you feel so good.”

You were writhing under him, Bob relentlessly licking up your juices while you clawed at his shoulders and rode the highs of the orgasm coursing through your body. The wet noises of his fingers pumping in and out of you filled your ears and you felt another wave of the orgasm rain down on you when his teeth scraped over your sensitive nub before flicking it again with his tongue. You could feel your walls clamp down around his fingers and then heard him chuckle deeply, before his arm pushed down on your hips, keeping you in place.

He kept at it, fingering you and eating you out, only coming up from between your legs when you started to come down from the high, your breath still rushed and shallow. You ran your hand through your hair, and looked at him, moving up your body, his lips glistening from your arousal and his spit mixed together. He put his fingers into his mouth and sucked your juices off of them, closing his eyes in ecstasy and the corners of his mouth pulling up in a smile, after he pulled his fingers out again.

“God, that was so hot,” he breathed, putting his lips to yours and kissing you hungrily. You nodded, deepening the kiss by slipping your tongue into his mouth and tasting yourself on his tongue. Your hand ran down his torso and wrapped around his length again, your thumb wiping over his tip and feeling the sticky precum leaking out of him. With your brain still hazy from your recent orgasm, you pushed him down onto the mattress and started peppering kisses on his neck, moving down to his clavicle and his chest, the nails of your free hands scratching over his chest, while the other one pumped his length slowly.

When you were on the same level with his dick, you looked up at him and opened your mouth, taking him in as far as you could, your hand still wrapped around the part of him that didn’t fit into your mouth anymore. You started bobbing your head up and down his length and his fingers ran through your hair, his hand cupping the back of your head and aiding you in keeping an enjoyable rhythm, while whines and moans fell from his lips.

“Oh, fuck. You’re better than I ever imagined,” he whined, his hips bucking and his dick hit the back of your throat.

Your eyes travelled back up his figure and you opened your mouth a little further, trying to take more of him. Tears were brimming at the corners of your eyes and your own arousal started running down the inside of your leg, so you moved your free hand to your clit, rubbing yourself while sucking him off.

After a couple more bobs of your head, Bob groaned loudly, his hips tensing and his grip on your hair getting harder. His cum spilled onto your tongue and you swallowed it, humming in enjoyment, while continuing the motion of your hand pumping up and down his length. Feeling another orgasm approaching from your own fingers between your legs, you moaned, some residual cum of his running out the corner of your mouth and dripping on his length.

Biting down on your lips, you looked up at him, his mouth hanging open at the sight of you pleasuring yourself. He motioned for you to come closer, pushing your hand away from between your legs to take over while pulling you into his lap again. You rested your head against his shoulder, while his fingers were drawing circles around your clit, pushing you ever closer to the edge. You could feel that you were getting overstimulated already and whined, wanting to get the release you so desperately needed. Pulling his lips to yours and kissing him hungrily, you moved your hips a little to meet his touch, his fingers slipping into you once more while the pad of thumb brushed up against your clitoris.

“Bob, don’t stop. Please, I’m so close,” you whined, your face falling at the pressure building in your core.

“Come on, baby. Come for me,” he whispered into your ear and nibbled on your earlobe, thrusting his fingers into you deeper and curling them on their way out.

Feeling his tongue lick over your pulse point was enough to make you fall over the edge again, his fingers brushing your g-spot again and again, sparks flying between your bodies. Your nails dug into his back and you rode his fingers, moaning his name at the top of your lungs.

“God, I love it when you moan my name like that.”

He put you back down on the mattress, knowing you’d need the support of the bed beneath you, your legs having turned to jelly and shaking from all of the stimulation. Your chest was rising and falling quickly while you tried to catch your breath, absolutely exhausted from two big orgasms so close together.

“Do you need a little break,” he asked, laying down next to you and running his fingers up and down your sides. You turned your head toward his and the look on his face was so soft, caring and full of love, making your heart ache at being the object of his adoration. You nodded, still unable to form words, the last after waves of your orgasm having your ears ringing and your fingertips feeling numb.

Bob pulled you a little closer, wiping the beads of sweat from your forehead, and placed soft kisses all over your face, telling you how beautiful you were. How lucky he was to be here with you at that moment. How he never thought this would actually happen.

“You know, I thought you didn’t like me,” you told him, your voice still barely a whisper, your fingers starting to draw circles on his chest while his fingertips did the same on your shoulder blade. “That you didn’t want to spend time with me when the others were gone because you secretly hated me.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever liked anyone as much as I like you,” he said softly, his hand cupping your face and making you look at him, before going on: “I’m sorry that I made you feel like I hated you, but it is clearly the very opposite.”

He kissed you then, softly and with all the love he felt for you. Your lips melted against his and a warmth spread in your chest, creeping up the back of your neck and rolling over your legs and into your tiptoes. This kiss was different, it wasn’t hungry or desperate but still intense in its own way. Even after everything the two of you just did, you felt closer to Bob now, his arms wrapping around you tighter and flipping you on your back again, your legs intertwined lazily and his broad chest like a shield keeping you safe.

You stayed like that for a little while then, making out and exploring each other’s body slowly, your touch soft and meaningful, as if you wanted to memorise every inch of the other’s figure. You couldn’t say how long you were just lying there, enjoying each other’s presence and forgetting everything around you. It could’ve been five minutes or it could’ve been an hour but it didn’t matter to you because you were right where you wanted to be. Wrapped in his arms, having his lips on yours and feeling his delicate touch on your body.

His lips ran over your shoulders, dusting the freckles with love, while your lips grazed his collarbone, your fingers gripping his ass cheeks and earning you a high pitched giggle from him.

“Are you ticklish,” you enquired, a cheeky smirk on your lips and he shook his head vigorously, trying to push your hands off of him.

“No, of course I’m not ticklish. What makes you think that?” He rolled his eyes and tried to put a little distance between you two, his hands swatting at you trying to poke his sides.

“I don’t know. That very manly giggle that just slipped past your lips, maybe,” you teased and his jaw dropped, so threw yourself at him playfully, making him lose his balance and taking you down with him.

“I don’t know what you're talking about. What giggle?” He grinned up at you and cupped your cheek, pulling you down to him and kissing you again passionately.

With your leg thrown over his hip, you could feel him getting hard again and you moved your hips, straddling him once more. You purred softly at his length pressing up against your folds and instinctively grinded down on him, coating the underside of his dick in your arousal. Bob’s hand gripped your hip and he stopped you from moving for a second.

“Wait, I’ve got condoms in the drawer over there,” he murmured, motioning to his bedside table, and his voice broke when you rolled your hips into his again.

“I’m on the pill, so,” you started, kissing him quickly and then added: “I’m good either way.”

He looked at you and for a second, his brows knitted together in a frown. He let his thumb run over your bottom lip and you stopped moving, lifting your hips a little before leaning over to his bedside table.

“I just wanna make sure nothing unexpected happens, you know,” he started to explain and you looked over your shoulder, opening the drawer slowly.

“Bob, hey. It’s ok, really!” Your hand looked for the packet of condoms and took one out when you found it, before turning back to him. “I’m glad you wanna be safe, love.” You cupped his cheek and smiled at him, placing a quick kiss on his lips.

You opened the shiny packaging and took out the condom, turning it over in your fingers to have it the right way around. Pinching the tip of it, you looked at Bob and asked him if he was ready. When he nodded, inching closer to you, you grabbed his length and put the condom on, pushing the rubbery material down his length easily. His hand came up to caress your cheek and he kissed you softly, his fingers burying in the hair at the back of your head while you climbed onto him, straddling his hips again.

With your hand still wrapped around his length, you guided his dick along your folds and then lowered onto it, moaning at the burning sensation of his thickness stretching you slowly. Bob’s jaw dropped and he groaned at slipping into you, his teeth digging into your bottom lip. You stayed there for a second, trying to adjust to the feeling of him filling you up so well and held onto his shoulders before you lifted your hips again slowly. The delicious pain of his size slipping in and out of you made your brain go foggy and you sank down onto him with more ease this time. Picking up the pace, you threw your head back and rode Bob’s dick, his right hand on your breast, kneading the tissue while his tongue worked on the nipple of your other breast. His left hand was on your hip, guiding you as you took him.

“Mhm, you fill me up so well, Bob,” you mused and bounced on him, the pain having turned to pleasure a few thrusts ago. His mouth let go of your breast and he pulled your face down, kissing you hungrily and he bucked his hips into yours and slipping in deeper with the next thrust, bottoming out. You moaned into his mouth loudly and let a giggle fall over your lips as you noticed the familiar feeling of your orgasm nearing.

He stopped moving for a second and turned you around, so you were beneath him and then he grabbed your right leg and moved it from around his hips to have it over his shoulder instead, changing the angle at which he thrusted into you.

Bob groaned against your mouth as he bottomed out again, his balls slapping against your ass with the next thrust and you let out a moan of his name, your nails digging into his back.

“Ugh, you’re so tight, babe. Feel so good,” he slurred and went to town on you, thrusting in and pulling back out, his bed groaning under his movements.

“You gotta tell me if I’m too rough,” he whispered into your ear, enveloping you with his form and leaning on his elbow while his other hand held onto your leg.

“No, it’s good. So good, Bob,” you assured, relishing in the feeling of him filling you up to the brim and stretching you with every thrust. You knew that you were close again, the knot twisting and tightening and you reached between your bodies, your fingers working on your clit while his dick slipped in and out of you at an exquisite pace.

He looked down at where your bodies met and whined, his forehead falling to yours. The sound of skin hitting skin filled the room and you were glad that the rest of the team was still out, fearing just how much they would’ve been able to hear of what you two were doing.

“[y/n], fuck, you feel so good. I don’t know how much longer I can…” The movement of his hips got a little sloppy and you kissed him again, steadying him with a hand on his ass while you tried to meet his thrusts with your hip.

“It’s ok, babe. Come, Bob. I’m right behind you,” you purred into his ear and his hips stuttered, a low groan falling from his lips. You moved your hips, helping him ride out his orgasm and kissed his closed lids, when he suddenly thrusted into you harder again, pushing you closer and over the edge.

You fell with him, your third orgasm of the night sending lighting through your whole body. You clung to his body, biting into his shoulder and scratching your nails over his back, earning a wince from him at the pain that seemed to send him into a flurry. Your walls clenched around him as your orgasm progressed and he put his lips on your neck, riding out your shared orgasm, his breathing quick and shallow.

When he came down from his high, he sighed, an exhausted but gratified look on his face, and laid down next to you. You curled up to him, throwing your arm over his chest and putting your head on his chest, listening to the rapid beating of his heart and his quick breath.

“Did I hurt you?” The question came suddenly and you looked at him, confused at where the concern was coming from.

“Why are you asking?”

“This was my first time since the medical trial,” he started and turned onto his side, wrapping his arm around your hip.

“No, you didn’t hurt me, Bob. Quite the opposite, actually.” You caressed his cheek and kissed him softly, before adding: “I enjoyed it very much, if you couldn’t tell.”

A proud smile pushed up the corners of his mouth and he shook his head, chuckling lightheaded.

“God, you’re an incredible woman, [y/n].”

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bullet-prooflove · 11 hours ago

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Brown Eyed Boy: Michael “Robby” Robinavitch x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @flyinglama @yousigned-upforthis @oklahomapeach

Summary: The birth of your son doesn't quite go the way you'd planned.

Companion piece to:

Lines - It’s been a long time since Robby’s been attracted to someone like this.

Lipstick (NSFW) - It's love at first blow job for Dr Robby.

Crisis - Robby has a bad day.

ASMR For The Soul - Robby doesn't sleep when you're not around.

Bunny - Robby discovers you've been keeping secrets.

Something To Complain About (NSFW) - You ignite the ire of Robby's neighbour with your bedroom noises.

Noise Cancelling - Robby discovers his neighbour keeps a spreadsheet of your antics.

Poolside - When Robby's had a really shitty day he always ends up whereever you are.

The Betting Pool - Robby discovers that his collegues have been taking bets on his relationship.

Fifty Shades of Robby - Robby's collegues see the truth of his relationship when they find your Instagram.

Dumb Bitch - Robby exhibits his protective side when another man steps on his territory.

Stop Compressions, Start Compressions - Robby loses everything in the aftermath of Pittfest.

24 Hours - Robby refuses to leave your side in the aftermath of the shooting.

Saftey Rail - Abbot gets real with Robby when he finds him on the roof.

Baby, It's Gonna Be Alright - Robby wonders if he's fucked things up with you for good.

Exorcism (NSFW) - Robby and you finally find a way to be honest with one another.

Ready - Robby and you discuss starting a family in the aftermath of Pittfest.

The Rose - You give Robby a special gift for your anniversary.

Heartbeat - Robby finds something to help him sleep.

Jinx - Robby discovers a particular superstition of yours.

The Scary One - Robby and you face concerns during your second pregnancy scan.

Pop Tarts - You and Robby decorate the baby's nursery.

Brave Little Boy - Robby wakes up to the baby kicking and gets a suprise.

The baby takes after you, high speed, always in motion.

He wants to see the world, experience it but Robby isn’t ready and neither are you. In fact nobody’s ready for his appearance because he’s a month early but here you are on all fours on the rug as Robby’s hand rubs soothing circles on your lower back, his reassuring voice in your ears.

Jack is Lord knows where behind you, getting a front row seat to the messiest fucked up show on this earth.

“You put the towel on the radiator?” He asks Robby as another contraction hits you, the urge to push is all consuming as you grind your teeth and press your cheek into the pillow on the floor.

“Will somebody tell me what the damn towel is for?” You snap, your hair plastered to your face as you huff out a pained breath.

“It’s just a precaution.” Robby reassures you but you do not feel reassured. You feel exhausted, pissed off and so close to your breaking point, every second word out of you mouth is a swear.

“Alright Allegra, I can see his head, I’m gonna need you to give me one big push to get him all the way there.” Jack tells you as you take a deep shuddering breath. “Come on, I know you can do it.”

“I fucking hate you.” You growl him, sweat running down your brow, your thighs trembling.

“Hate me later.” He responds with that rage inducing calmness of his. “But right now you gotta push.”

“Fuck you Jack, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you…”

The cursing helps, you don’t know why. Robby tells you later it’s because it triggers the "fight or flight" response, leading to increased pain tolerance and potentially a more powerful push. You don’t give a damn, you just know that your baby is born to the sound of you cussing out one of his guide parents.

You feel him leave your body and you sag forward into the cushion listening for his cry, but his cry it doesn’t come and something inside of you just dies because its happening all over again. You’re losing another baby.

“Robby…” You whisper, your hair falling over your face as the tears chase down your cheeks.

“This is what the warm towel is for.” He murmurs, his lips brushing over your temple as he leans down to your level. “Jack’s going to rub it on his back to stimulate him into taking his first breath.”

You understand now why they didn’t tell you about the towel, they didn’t want that thought in your head while you were trying to bring your son into the world. Robby helps you turn onto a sitting position, your back pressing against his chest as Jack snatches the towel off the radiator and begins to rub it over your son’s back.

“Come on baby.” He whispers, his motions becoming more vigorous. “I know you’ve got it in you.”

A loud wail cuts through the air and the relief hits you like a wrecking ball, flooding your nervous system as you watch your son take his first breath.

“He’s got a nice set of lungs for a preemie.” Jack approves as he leans forward and places the baby on your chest. You fold him into the shelter of your arms as he nestles against your heart looking up at you with those big brown eyes. Ones that look exactly like his fathers. “You guys pick out a name yet?”

“Not yet.” Robby says, his chin comes to rest upon your shoulder as his fingertip trails over each of the baby’s tiny toes. “For now he’s just our beautiful brown eyed boy.”

Love Robby? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Before you join the taglist make sure to read the rules here as you otherwise you won’t be added.

Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

#dr robby #dr robby x reader #the pitt #michael robinavitch #michael robinavitch x reader #michael robby robinavitch #noah wyle #robby #robby x reader #the pitt fanfiction

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asynchronouscommunication · 1 day ago

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As someone who has played Dwarf Fortress since before it was out on Steam I feel like it's important to add that when 'developers' is used, the base game was made by mostly one guy (Tarn Adams) with help from his brother (Zach Adams). Noclip has a 4-part series about its creation. For /eighteen years/ Tarn Adams worked on this project and released it, FOR FREE, on his website with only ASCII graphics. Its only now after running into the sad hill of 'need more money to survive than what loyal fans can consistently give' that they (Bay12 Games, the company Tarn and Zach own), partnered with Kitfox Games to release it. 18 years of love into the project, and he's still updating it. To call it a colony sim is something of an understatement because it tires to simulate /everything/ it possibly can. Dwarf Fortress is what inspired a lot of other games that are now super popular today. Putting links at bottom incase they don't embed properly. If you want fun, one time stories I suggest checking out: Boatmurdered - A game where different players had the fort for a year then passed it on to the next, mostly text. Bronzemurder - by Tim Denee, an incredible comic showing the layout of the fort in a vertical format and taking you through its tales. For videos on youtube the three I'm most familiar with is: Kruggsmash - draws his own art to illustrate moments, flavors his forts and the critters in the game in really creative ways that sometimes change from series to series. Does some modded dwarf fortress runs too (The Kingdom of Autumn is excellent fall vibes, but RedVault: A Dwarf Fortress, The Long Night Series is one of my favorites for cyberpunk and sound design etc.) I suggest Northbridge, The Road to Riches for some of his more modern stuff. Crumpetsounds - Lots of British humor with the narrators you hear in the videos actually being 'characters'. Specifically the main character is a god-like being whom 'created' the world in Dwarf Fortress that he plays in. He explains it a bit in the early episodes of Mirrorgleam, which I also recommend as a first entry point. hoodiehair - There is a long tradition in Dwarf Fortress of its players conducting unhinged, unreviewed, unethical experiments (1) in the game. It's a game, it's meant for people to play around and have fun after all! Hoodie Hair keeps that tradition alive and I LOVE her work. She's got short (longest video is about 10 minutes) stand alone videos chronicling her experiments in the game. Unlike the other two these aren't full fort playthroughs following the rise and fall of a single fortress, I mean they are but they're very abbreviated and I love it. She embraces the

Other: Looking for funny comments in the patches is a long time tradition and yields hilarious moments like the cats in the tavern dying from licking the booze off their feet as mentioned above. :D Some places collect these, like the bay12 forums. Which also has a dedicated board FULL of other fort stories.

(1) once upon a time a SINGULAR dwarf fortress player so horrified Tarn with how they figured out to make tons of money that Tarn changed how mermaids work. Links: Boatmurdered - https://lparchive.org/Dwarf-Fortress-Boatmurdered/ Bronzemurder - https://timdenee.com/bronzemurder Kruggsmash - https://www.youtube.com/@kruggsmash Crumpetsounds - https://www.youtube.com/@crumpetsounds Hoodie Hair - https://www.youtube.com/@hoodiehair Noclip: Dwarf Fortress Series - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-THgg8QnvU5xvhtFe7orgcnfIqFq_qVk Bay12 forums - https://www.bay12forums.com/smf/

Can someone explain Dwarf Fortress to me???

#dwarf fortress #video games #stories #games #dorf fort #i love this game #even when I haven't actively played it in a while #its so much fun and just the HISTORY of it #behind the creator and the players and just-#PEOPLE #its how PEOPLE it all is!!!#we've found a fancy way to make the magic lightning rocks do things #and then we run around seeing how far we can push the 'do things' part #and we tell each other about it!!!

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heartmix · 18 hours ago

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Surprise Stream - LN4

Pairing: Lando Norris x gamer!reader

Word Count: 1.6k+

Summary: She's a popular gamer who's been on hiatus for 2 years until she appears on her boyfriend's stream with his bestfriend

Warning: reader is implied not to be British, kissing, swearing, playful bullying

A/N: holy shit the year has been so crazy I haven't had anytime to sit and write. I also haven't written for Lando in so long.

F1 Masterlist / Masterlist

You have been on camera publicly for years. After growing up in front of it since high school and building your own gaming empire, you forgot what it's like away from the media and enjoying something that wasn't pixelated. Two years ago, you decided to take a step away from it all.

A few years away from the spotlight did you some good. Trying new things, having more time for other hobbies, and overall just living for yourself and not others. It's not like you didn't enjoy the spotlight - you loved interacting with fans, playing video games for a living, and meeting other gamers. All of it was great, but the pressure to put out videos multiple times a week made you lose love for gaming. It turned into a job instead of a passion.

After meeting Lando, who had a passion for gaming, you fell in love with gaming all over again. To him, it was not only a passion but his escape from the real world. He taught you that it can be fun and that there is no pressure. Gaming shouldn't have to feel like work, it should be something you enjoy. It's entertainment, not an obligation.

Many late nights, you'd both stay up playing Mario Kart, Tarkov, beating him as Oscar on his racing simulator, and even some indie scary games you got him to play. Sometimes you'd even play with Max if he weren't streaming.

It was the Monday after a Grand Prix, usually a day when Lando reserved for playing with Max to unwind from the thrill of a race. You saw him setting up his camera, which surprised you. He only brought out the camera once, maybe twice a year. He must still be on a high after winning yesterday.

"A lando stream and with his camera? You're just feeding your fans." You walked in, placing his water bottle by him, knowing he'll forget to drink it while playing.

"Yeah, just one of those days." He smiled appreciative of the small gesture.

"What game are you guys playing today?" You looked at his monitor, seeing nothing but Twitch being ready to launch.

"Max wanted to play COD for a bit and probably move onto Tarkov."

"Can I play?" You asked off-handed, but you were met with wide eyes and his jaw hanging open.

"On stream?" He clarified, like he wasn't sure if he heard you correctly. Being on a stream was something you both talked about, but not sure how soon it could come into fruition. This was a big deal to do it, and to catch you at the moment when you were finally ready, he wanted you to be comfortable with your decision.

"Yeah, why not?" Shrugging like it was nothing.

"I'd love that." He smiled, pulling you in for a kiss.

Soon enough, Lando started to set up your station next to his. He offered you his setup as the view from your station has the view for both of you, and so you would just be in the background as opposed to front and center. Once everything was ready, he turned to look at you, set up comfy on the chair like you were back in your natural habitat. A smile spread onto his face, knowing that you fell in love with gaming again. Enough to show the world you loved it again.

"What?" You said, looking over to him with a raised eyebrow, seeing the goofy, lovestruck look on his face.

"Just proud of you is all."

"I hope you know this is because of you. Without you, I don't think I would ever be in love with this again."

"I was just there, you overcame it yourself." He brushed it off because he didn't do anything but play with you. But with the way you were looking at him right now, he might be convinced that he did do something.

"I love you." You smiled, pulling him in for another kiss.

He pulled away just a bit to mumble, "Hmmh, I love you more," before pulling you in again.

Soon enough, both of you were set up, and he texted Max about the new situation so he wouldn't be caught off guard on camera. When he pressed the live button, you held your breath for a bit. You were ready to be on camera again, but you just didn't want it to take away from Lando and Max.

"There you guys are. I've been waiting forever." Max's voice pulled you out of your trance, making you chuckle.

"Oh hush you knob, you're so dramatic." Lando fired back without missing a beat.

You looked over to Lando's monitor, so you were in more of a better view. When you peeked at his Twitch chat, you weren't surprised to see the views climbing rapidly; however, you were surprised to see the comments.

IS THAT THE QUEEN??

SHE CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT

MY TWO WORLDS COLLIDING

HOW DID LANDO EVEN GET HER ON STREAM?????

THE COLLAB OF THE CENTURY

Looking over, he wasn't bothered by the chat, instead grumbling with Max. When you nudged him to look at the chat, he was initially confused. He expected everyone to be talking about you, but when he noticed the collab comments, he started chuckling. Both of you forgot that the public didn't know you were together. There was speculation about when you would attend races, but garage hopping didn't strengthen the theory.

QUEEN, PLEASE NOTICE US!

HOW ARE LANDO AND MAX NOT FREAKING OUT WITH ROYALTY IN THE HOUSE?!

no but seriously how did lando bring her out of retirement

"Hi guys!" you decided to acknowledge the chat. When that happened, comments were rolling in so fast that you couldn't even read or make out a single word.

"I think you broke my chat," Lando smirked, looking over to you, making you back away to your setup in shyness.

"So are you going to introduce her?" Max's voice came through since his chat was also talking about you on the stream.

"I don't think she needs any introduction, I'm pretty sure we don't even exist to chat."

"So are we going to play or just bicker with each other?" You grabbed the attention of both men in hopes of getting them to stop shining the light on you.

Soon enough, all three of you were loaded into a lobby. Once the match started, it wasn't like you missed a beat. Calling out to Max and Lando like you guys were in an actual battlezone and getting the most kills for the team. Max and Lando were used to playing with you, so they knew your style, as they might have known you from your videos.

What you didn't see was the chat going crazy. Commenting on how you seem like your old self, how you're owning both Max and Lando, and how easily you fit in with both of them.

"Max, 9 o'clock!!" You shouted, seeing someone creep up on him while you were busy getting a kill.

"Whose 9?!" he shouted before being killed.

"Your 9 you knob!"

"Why can't you say left like a normal person?" He grumbled.

Without missing a beat, you fired back, "Why can't you survive more than one round?"

"This is bullying."

"BABE YOUR 12!!" You suddenly heard Lando say, but when you looked up, you saw no one. Not even a second later, the kill screen popped up, showing it was from behind, making you whip your head to him.

"That was 6 o'clock not 12 you muppet!!"

"I got confused!!!"

"I hope you get killed." You mumbled before turning back to your screen.

"Let's retire the military talk." You grumbled, earning a laugh from Lando, and you had no doubt Max was shaking his head.

Did she just say knob?

how long has she been hanging around them shes picking up British slang

ahhh bullying max is second nature

DID LANDO JUST CALL HER BABE

BABE HELLO??

NO WAY LANDO JUST SLIPPED

OH SHES GOING TO FREAK ONCE SHE RELAIZEZ

HE CALLED HER BABE WHILE SHE CALLED HIM A MUPPET

HONOR THEY LOVE EACH OTHER

"Lando you fucked up." Max's voice came through in a slight panic once the round was over.

"Yeah, I know, I'm not going to try and experiment again."

"Not that, check the chat." You couldn't help but look over, also. Any chance to make fun of Lando, you were going to hop on, but jokes on you this time.

"Oops?" He slowly looked over in your direction, afraid of what he was going to be on the receiving end of. It was one thing to have you on stream, your first stream back at that, but to accidentally announce your relationship live? Oh, he messed up big time.

"Let's just say you are so glad we're live right now. Secrets out, I guess."

"Someone sleeping on the couch tonight." Max snickered, enjoying what he was hearing. He couldn't wait to watch clips of it later on Twitter and TikTok.

"I'm sorry. I love you?"

"Now you're questioning it?" You asked with a raised eyebrow as Max was dying laughing through both of your ears.

"No, no, no. I love you, I'm in love with you, and I would do anything for you. I'm sorry," he panicked, pulling you closer so he could squeeze you for reassurance.

"You're so lucky you're cute."

"And that you love me." The goofy look was back on his face, one he knew you couldn't resist.

"And that I love you." You sighed, trying to hide the smile at how cute the interaction was.

"You guys make me sick. Can we get back to the game now?"

"Both of you better last a full round with me."

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 #formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 imagine #lando norris x reader #lando norris #lando norris imagine

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coupsalchemy · 2 days ago

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Hothouse Flower [Part 1]

Summary - Your five year relationship with him ended two years ago. You need to move on, have to, since you are the only one stuck in the past. Jeonghan moved on, happy, gallivanting away. When you finally agree to meet up a fellow heartbroken stranger set up by 'Get Love Quick', you didn't expect to see him there.

Tags: Jeonghan x f.reader, exes! au, second chance romance, angst, yearning, fluff, suggestive, SLOW BURN

Warnings: mdni, very suggestive (at least in the next part), fist fight, mentions of blood, just a very angry Jeonghan, swearing, and a lot of grammatical mistakes as English isn't my first language.

Word Count: 21k (this part, total 40k)

A's Note: I've been working on this for like four months. Please get ready for the angst and yearning. The birth of this story took place from Don't Wanna Cry Jeonghan falling onto his knees in yearning, and the song 'no one noticed by the marias'.

I wanted to write a story where reader gets to forget everything and be in the world of the fiction, enjoy momentary bliss instead of the bitter taste of life, at least for some time. So by the time you complete reading this part, next part would have already been uploaded. If I succeeded in making you forget everything and you enjoyed the fic please let me know so I can stare at your message for eternity in happiness.

Also I want to thank my two friends who have been patiently answering my questions, and kept on encouraging me all the time. If not for you two this wouldn't have happened. Thank you!!

divider credits to the rightful owner.

⌜ If anyone else were to kiss me, all they would taste is your name.⌟

— Clementine von Radics

“You should try this,” Seungkwan places the folded worn out newspaper on your work desk, looming over you like a dark cloud before rain. Nothing good is going to come out of this.

With a sigh you minimize the word document you have been working on, and focus on the headline of the advertisement, Get Love Quick. “If you have time to find crap then you have time to prepare the deck.”

Seungkwan tsks. “I have time till this Friday.” He drags the chair from the next cubicle, making a home for himself. “Send in an application.” He shoves the paper back to you, sending your notebook flying. “It’s high time for you to move on.”

You reopen the word document glaring at the words and hit random letters on the keyboard with more force, “I have work unlike someone. If you leave me alone.”

“Come on,” he insists, locking your system and turning your chair in his direction. “You have to get out of that four walls of darkness you call a room,” his gaze is firm, the frown line between his eyebrows makes you think. He isn’t going to back away like the other times, this time he is serious.

You fall back into your chair, gnawing on your lower lip. The words on the newspaper glares at you, in mockery or a challenge, you couldn’t say.

Find your other broken hearted half..

It’s been more than a year since you went on a date. You are sure that even the process of dating has changed by now. Fresh after the break up you were relentless, swiping right on guy after guy to rile up your ex, only to end up canceling most of the dates.

The two men you met were good, considerate and even attentive, something you begged from your previous relationship. Their questions and interest in your work, hobbies and daily life solidified their points in gaining the second date.

If not for the constant comparison to a certain long black haired man, who would be cracking jokes on the other two for their pretentiousness. It’s safe to say that you didn’t get a second date with anyone. Eventually the fire to make your ex jealous and show him what he is missing has died down.

“Are you still here?” Seungkwan shakes your arm.

You faze out from your thoughts, “I'm not sure. It’s a lot of work.” You pull your hair to one side, playing with the ends. “I have to dress up, put on makeup and,” you suck in a breath dreading the worst of all, “I have to make stimulating conversations.”

You click your pen, chewing on your lip, losing yourself in thoughts. What you don’t voice out is the fear of losing someone again and losing yourself in the process of clinging onto him to make him stay. You have done it once, and not sure you could do it again. Especially if it’s someone who is not your Jeonghan.

Seungkwan holds your hands in his, he says, “you don’t need to put up an act this time.”

“Hey.” A coworker greets you, crossing the office floor to the elevator.

Seungkwan presses his lips in a thin line, nodding back at the intruder who is already out of earshot. “Anyway, as I am saying,” he goes back to the topic, “no need for an act. Be yourself and the right one will come.”

The strong belief in his words sways your stubborn heart a little, a faint hope flickering in your chest.

“Remember there’s no one you need to get back at this time.” He reemphasizes, “I don’t want to see you pulling that old shit.”

You nod without a second thought, a little scared of his authoritative tone.

“Good.” He presses your hand, eyes softening, studying you. “I have a gut feeling that this is going to be your turning point.” He adds, “a good one. You’ll find someone who understands you as you are.”

The love in his words and caring gestures were what made you you till now. He always dragged you back whenever you were spiraling down the rabbit hole. He doesn’t have a reason to look after you, especially when even your mom has given up on you after a few tries.

“Oh,” his soft voice makes your eyes moist, “I didn’t want to make you cry.”

“I know.”

He ruffles your hair, “straighten up and fight back, my warrior. You can do this.”

You laugh, wiping the corner of your eyes. “Warrior?”

“Frontline army?”

You push him away, “go back, Seungkwan. Our boss is already glaring.” You backspace the crap you have written on the report. “We are one call away from the HR office.”

“Ugh,” he fixes his tie, “that old retard should find someone else to stalk.” He slowly rolls away to the next cubicle leaving the chair in its rightful place. “Think about it. Okay?”

“Thank you, Seungkwan.”

“Anything for you.”

—

You wake up with a start, your mind in a haze. The rotating ceiling fan spins your head making your dizziness worse. You fight with the comforter rolled around you to free your hand, the movements worsen the pounding in your head.

“Ugh, Hannie.” You search for the other side of the bed, your fingers tracing the cold bed sheet. “Huh?”

You open your eyes forcefully, the bright sunshine falling directly on you. You forgot to draw curtains again. The empty space beside you cracks your heart again, the unused pillow still in bright yellow cover mocks you. He is not in your life anymore. You pluck the pillow, hugging it to your chest and inhaling its scent. It doesn’t smell like him anymore.

The warmth of this pillow doesn’t suffice the warmth of him, his midnight cuddles, kisses all over your face when he thinks you are in deep sleep. Your fingers grasp the edges of the pillow, legs curling into your stomach from the ache echoing your entire body.

Longing for Jeonghan has become one with breathing. Each moment and thing is closely intricated with his existence, the reminder of him throwing you back into the pits of suffering. You eye your phone resting beside you, the temptation to check his whereabouts is gripping your chest. Your fingers hover over it succumbing to your desires, but no, not this time, not when he never cared about you. Does he even think about you?

—

Jeonghan smiles at his date reassuringly, “it’s fine. It’s fine. Don’t panic.” He stands up from his seat, approaching her side of the table, “let’s go get you cleaned up.” He holds out his palm, interlacing their fingers.

His confident stride leads them across linen covered tables, wafts of delicious food surrounding them. Familiarity with this restaurant propels his sense of direction, he took this path countless times. He grips her hand, almost crushing, anchoring himself to the present moment.

She squeezes back, peering at him through his shoulder. He runs his fingers through his long hair strands, curling the strays behind his ear. She reaches out, tenderly running her fingertips at the back of his head. He ducks his head down, straightening his suit pants. Her steps stumble into one another, her cheeks blushing with embarrassment.

The kitchen is bustling with waiters coming in and out with orders. A waiter carrying an order is craning his neck, waving his hand to gain Jeonghan’s attention.

Jeonghan frowns at the unprofessional etiquette of the staff, and the waiter’s relentless efforts only irks him further. It strikes him, the reason behind the enthusiasm of the boy. Jeonghan exhales through his mouth. He knew it was a bad idea to dine in this restaurant, but two years is enough time for people to forget.

Oh. How he never learns.

The boy stops in his tracks confused at the lady hiding behind Jeonghan, and the rosary blush on her cheeks complimented with the shy glances at Jeonghan. He drops his hand, unimpressed.

Jeonghan is annoyed, reading the judgemental stare he is receiving. He presses his lips in a thin line, not sparing another glance he leads his date to the washroom. “Go ahead. I’ll be here.” He leans on the wall opposite to the women’s restroom, pocketing his hands.

She hurries in with a blush creeping up her cheeks, matching the red of her dress. He would have found it cute once upon a time, and would have even teased a little. But now, Jeonghan throws his head back a sigh escaping his lips, he can’t even bring to crack a joke or worse lead the conversation from topics other than weather or work.

Silver lining out of all is, this is their second date. Maybe it can lead to something prominent one day. And he can go back to his old ways, find it in himself to laugh and joke around. His gaze flickers to the women’s restroom door, a memory creeping into his mind.

You spilled wine on yourself on a date with him. He tsks, teased you for a klutz while leading you to the washroom. You expected him to stop outside but you should have known how crazy he was. He checked either side before following you in with a false pretense to help you wipe the stain near your chest.

You rolled your eyes at him when his thumb caressed a little longer, understanding his actions. You pinch his arm and he bites his lower lip, suppressing a smile. He looks at you in mockery before squeezing your breast, eliciting a moan, he crashes his lips on you.

“Been a long time,” the waiter reappears before him disturbing him from the memory of his ex. “I hope you remember me.”

Jeonghan’s jaw ticks. The boy, his name tag reads, Dino, is oblivious to Jeonghan's bubbling irritation. He continues, “well, if it was her,” he whispers, checking around for Jeonghan’s date, “she would have recognized me. I can’t believe you let her go.” He shakes his head in disappointment, sneaking glances at Jeonghan.

Jeonghan stands up straight, looming over the younger boy. Darkness exuding from him, now he doesn’t need some little boy to preach what he missed out.

Dino, bad with reading cues continues, “well,” he presses, drawing random figures on the serving tray, “can I… get her number?”

Red flashes in Jeonghan’s eyes, “what?”

Dino takes a step back, eyes shaking, “I-I-I me-mean..” he shields himself with the tray, “yo-you moved on, so, I thought–”

“Thought what?” Jeonghan spits.

“Th-that I sh-should shoot my shot,” Dino musters up courage, squaring his shoulders, head held high, “she is worth the–”

Jeonghan grabs Dino’s collar, “Fuck off you little—”

“Jeonghan? Jeonghan?”

His date grabs his arm off the waiter, “are you crazy? Let him go.”

His date looks at him in worry, her hand still holding onto his arm. Jeonghan snaps at her, “what?” She reels back from him, dropping her hand. Jeonghan closes his eyes, regaining his senses. “Sorry.”

She nods, not meeting his eyes. He scoffs at Dino scurrying away without looking back. “Let’s go.” He leads the way back to their table. This time he doesn’t hold her hand. She jogs to keep up with his pace, reaching out to his hand only to fail. If she is upset she doesn’t show it when he slips his hands into his pockets.

—

“I had fun tonight, Hannie.” She unbuckles her seatbelt, leaning into him, kissing his cheek. “Thank you,” she whispers in his ear.

Jeonghan taps his forefinger against the leather of the steering wheel, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. “Yeah.”

She holds his chin, gently nudging him towards her. Her thumb traces his bottom lip, her brown eyes focusing on the slight cracks and splits. “I don’t wanna ask what you are not gonna tell,” she taps on his lip twice, “but I can’t tolerate it happening again.” She holds his gaze, “if I am gonna have you I want all of you.”

He nods.

She presses a kiss on his lips, her soft ones moving against his static ones. He closes his eyes, shutting down the images of someone who is not his date. He sucks on her bottom lip, the cherry flavour of her lip balm on his tongue.

He unbuckles the seatbelt, slips his hand around her nape pulling her in. Their lips move in fervent need, tongues clashing, biting and nipping. Soft whimpers fill in the car, her hands roaming across his chest. “So hot.” She runs her hand through his long hairstrands, tugging at their ends, “You look—” she breathes as he nips her bottom lip “—fucking hot.”

He holds her roaming hand, intertwining their fingers, his eyes still closed, kissing her now swollen lips.

Images of her clouds him, her cheeky smile when he catches her causing ruckus, her droopy eyes yet a blissful look of satisfaction, her kisses in the middle of the night, her taste, her, her, her everywhere.

Her name slips past his lips in a shaky whisper. He backs away from his date, running a hand through his ruffled hair, “fuck.” He holds the hand slipping away from his grasp, “I am sorry. Sorry, it's just the,” he blinks at her teary face, “the..” he falters.

“Goodbye, Jeonghan.” She exits the car. Her flowery scent lingering in his car, a constant reminder of what he fucked up just because he couldn’t forget his ex.

He hits the steering wheel repeatedly. The ghost of his ex is still haunting him, in the corners of his apartment, the track sounds of her favorite sitcom, in his office, and fuck even in his car fiddling with the playlist.

Does he miss you? He doesn’t (it’s killing him).

Jeonghan ignites the car, clicking some random playlist on his phone. He reverses the car, driving through the silent empty streets, humming to the songs to clear his mind off the awkward date.

The community he resides in is a mile away, small stalls and restaurants around the area are bustling. Familiar neighborhood eases his uneasiness. Few more minutes and he can go home to his whiskey and drown himself in sleep. He rolls the car to a stop at a red light. He keeps clicking on the next song.

Her laughter plays on the speakers. Jeonghan drops his phone in a shock, startled to hear the voice he didn’t hear for months. Her giggles fill in his car, “Hannie, Hannie, baby,” cut off with a moan.

Next song starts playing and Jeonghan stares at the screen with a frown. What just happened? He clicks on the previous song, the voice note replaying. A car honks behind him, he drops the phone checking the rear view, he accelerates through the green light, and pulls up to the side.

The voice note replays again and again. The blinkers on his car keep flicking till a police car pulls up to check on him.

—

You fiddle with the silver band on your ring finger, staring at the blank application opened up on your laptop. It has been an hour, and not even one question has been answered. You let out a long sigh, still confused, still hesitant whether you are truly ready to give love a chance again. The questions are simple, What’s your heartbreaking story? The answer to them isn’t, you are not sure you can rehash your heartbreak in words, without getting the need to find him and see how life has been treating him.

You close the laptop and throw it aside on the bed, burying yourself in the comforter, staring at the unoccupied side of the bed and bright yellow pillow. A stray tear wets your pillow, your hand tracing the empty bedside.

—

Jeonghan punches in the words on his keyboard with force since he can’t punch the person in the face. He sits back cross-checking the draft email just in case his thoughts are translated into words subconsciously. Another visit to the HR will for sure land him in trouble.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” His senior, Soobin, raps his knuckles on the table.

Great, Jeonghan can feel the universe breathing down his neck today. He folds the laptop screen, reclining in his seat listening to the rant.

“I can’t believe you messed up man.” Soobin rakes his hand through his hair, plopping on the empty chair, rolling the paper weights around the table. “She is the hottest one dude.” A sleazy grin on his lips, “a goddess in that red dress.” He mimics the shape of her waist line with his hands. Jeonghan raises his eyebrow at the detail. Soobin smiles sheepishly, adding, “She posted a picture on her account.”

Jeonghan wants to throw up at the vulgarity. “If you find her attractive then why don’t you date her?” He opens his laptop back, sending the mail.

“Have to wait till I break up with my current one.” He says with remorse.

Jeonghan grits his teeth, irritation bubbling up in his chest. He tries to tone it down before it escalates into something like throwing him out of his room or worse, throwing a punch. He doesn’t have it in him to sort through another mess and complicate his already stressful life.

Soobin, not heeding to any hints radiating from Jeonghan, dips his fingers into forbidden waters. “But, come on, man.” He leans in with a wicked expression, “admit it she is the hottest one out of all of your exes. And waaaay better than that sorry shit of your ex. I can’t believe you were stuck up on her. She was boring as hell, and I bet the sex was as dull as—”

Jeonghan isn’t sure of his movements, how and when the things ended up in the way they did. Soobin is on the floor, spitting blood. Jeonghan holds the floor, helping himself to stand up from his senior’s body. Grabbing the opportunity, Soobin throws a punch.

Jeonghan falls back on his ass, his ears ringing and knuckles ache like fuck. He clutches his head, watching Soobin scramble on the floor, sliding away from him. Their CEO is standing at the door barking at them.

He stands up, flicking his hand and stretching his fingers. He grabs Soobin before he can go hide behind their head and puts his all into one last punch.

The CEO drags bloody Jeonghan to his cabin while Soobin is taken to the hospital. “You were up for promotion next month,” the CEO scolds, “a director can’t hit a coworker in broad daylight.”

This followed a two hour long lecture mixed with threats of termination. All the while Jeonghan stares outside the window, two birds coddling. Strangely, he is jealous of two birds for having something he once had.

“Yoon Jeonghan!” The head of the company snaps, “do you feel any remorse for bruising one of our most important employees?”

Jeonghan massages the ache in his hand, did he break his bones? He did keep punching Soobin’s jaw until he saw red.

“He had it coming.” He stands up, buttoning up his suit. “I’m quitting. You can write it up as terminated or whatever makes your ass happy.”

—

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!”

You wake up with a jerk, disoriented. Light floods your room, blinding you for a second, and someone is singing happy birthday. A cake with a burning candle is shoved in your face, and were those cats on the cake.

“Blow it,” a high-pitch voice screams in your ears.

You blow the candle, still lost in the happenings in the middle of the night. Cheers and claps snaps you out of your drowsiness, awakening your brain.

Seungkwan is busy squashing the remnants of cake on his girlfriend’s face, and your roommate is standing awkwardly near your bed end. You search for your phone, finding it under your pillow, you read the date. Ah, birthday.

Messages from your friends and family flood your phone, a hope births inside you, maybe, maybe he remembered and wished you this time. You scroll through the notifications slowly in case you miss it. None. Tears brim your eyes, stupid heart, why does it still hope?

“Come on, come on.” Seungkwan drags you out of your bed and into the living room, blasting music and orchestrating a sudden dance battle. You laugh at their antics, momentarily forgetting about the heartache.

—

“We should go for drinks,” Seungkwan announces in the middle of you enjoying each bite of cold noodles. “Enjoy the fact you become a year older and wiser.” He stirs his chopsticks around the noodles.

“Overnight?” You raise an eyebrow, slurping in the noodles.

The waiter refills the water jug, sets it on the wooden table with a clang. You grab Seungkwan’s glass, filling it to the brim before the waiter has an opportunity to do it. “Thank you,” you smile at the younger male, assuming a college student working for extra pocket money, “we got it. Go and take a breather.” You shoo him away.

He bows in gratitude, scurries away grabbing the opportunity of a five minute break. You chuckle reminiscing about your days of waiting tables.

“Too kind,” Seungkwan berates, sipping on the water. “It’s gonna bite your ass someday.”

“I can’t drink.” You go back to the main topic, “it’s weekday. I have an early meeting tomorrow,” you set the chopsticks down at the soar reminder, “a round of drinks sounds good tho.” You sigh wistfully, “but what can one do? I’m not young anymore to bound back after a night of drinking.”

Seungkwan chews at his food a little louder for your taste. “This must be what they mean by growing pains. And you can’t handle drinks. It’s better to not have you drunk since we have an important meeting tomorrow.” He grabs the menu from the holder, skimming through the noodles section again. “Their noodles are tasty.” He murmurs, “ah,” he taps on a ramyeon picture.

He flags down the waiter from before who approaches your table with merriment. Seungkwan narrows his eyes at the wandering gaze of the waiter towards you.

“One ramyeon,” Seungkwan orders, “and a drink please.”

“Anything else for the beautiful lady over here?” His dimple pops out waiting for you to swallow your food.

“No, thank you.” You twirl the noodles around the chopsticks, you slurp the cold noodles enjoying the flavours bursting in your mouth.

Seungkwan chuckles, “poor boy. Look at him walk away like a sad puppy.”

“Huh?”

He shakes his head, “nothing.” He sets his chopsticks down, “did you hear that there’s restructuring happening? I just hope I won’t be transferred again,” he huffs, folding his hands, “I don’t want to leave Nari.”

“And you,” he adds, after a beat.

The meat floats in the broth, you dunk it deeper into the liquid. You prefer to not be mentioned at all rather than being added as an afterthought. Being someone’s priority is a luxury you realized, not after the break up, but rather when you were in a five year long relationship with your ex.

The nights you laid on the bed waiting for your lover to join you were countless, his disinterest in your enthusiasm, and his laid back answers were the slow killers. Labeled as needy and clingy when asked for attention was the threshold point. And yet, you begged him to stay.

A green feeling bubbles in your chest, stabbing the meat piece you nod to Seungkwan’s rant absentmindedly. You catch bits and pieces of how his girlfriend suffered from the long distance during his last transfer, and how he was helpless to pacify her. If only you got a transfer and Jeonghan was desperate for you back then, would he have realized your value? Does he realize your value now?

The answer was glaring back at you. You have seen, stalked, his dates and flings profile, how happy he is, smiling at the pictures, posing intimately and sharing something that was yours first with strangers. How can he be happy after ruining you for anyone else? Making you incapable of loving someone else? Why, only you, can’t replace him where he is mingling as if you never existed?

—

You peek from your computer at the manager’s cabin. He is in a meeting with a team, and it doesn’t end for another thirty minutes. You click the third link of the web results for Get Love Quick. The cursor at the name field blinks, waiting for your input.

It requires a lot more than momentary courage, you realized, your fingers hover over the keyboard hesitant. Are you really ready for this new step in life? The silver band ring glimmers under the fluorescent lights, you take it off and throw it in the drawer. You are going to fill in the form and submit it. If you are matched then it is a future you’s problem.

Filling in the basic information was a breeze, you crack your knuckles preparing yourself for the big ones.

What’s your heartbreaking story?

The keys click-clacks under your fingers, momentary pauses, a tear rolling down your cheek. You hover over the exit button unable to articulate it in words, but you don't want to give up. Not this time.

By the time you press submit, the office is half empty. You check for your friend, he is clutching his head and looking close to breakdown. You clock out of the system for the day, grabbing your things and sauntering towards your distressed friend.

“What’s wrong?” You grab an empty chair and settle next to him.

Seungkwan looks up at you with red eyes, softly whispering your name.

“Hey,” you panic, “tell me what happened?” You hold his hands bracing yourself.

“My name is on the list for transfer,” his voice quivers, “I have to fill in an empty position at this new branch.”

Your heart aches watching your friend breakdown. “Is there no other way?”

He pulls his blue tie free, “I am not sure. God, I didn’t inform her yet. I just,” he exhales loudly, “I wanna try requesting the manager or the higher ups.”

You nod slowly, gears turning in your mind. Seungkwan has been a steady pillar in your life even during the times of crisis. He didn’t walk away when you pushed him off your life.

“By when you have to transfer?”

“Soon, there’s an urgent requirement in Yangsan.” he answers, “I hate it so much. Why always me?”

You pat his shoulders, “I know. But I think it will work out in your favor this time.”

He scoffs, shutting down the computer, and packs his stuff into his bag. “It never works out. One suffering after another is the theme of my life.”

“Believe me, Seungkwan.” You smile.

He pauses in his track, narrowing his eyes, “I know that smile. Don’t do anything stupid, please.”

You smile wider.

—

Jeonghan cradles nearly empty whisky glass to his chest, spreading his legs wide on the couch, reclining back. He sips from the bottle watching six friends lounging in the flat yapping on the TV screen, the laugh track accompanying the show irks him. How can one find comfort from this show? He can never understand it, but he never stops watching it again and again.

He sips on the last drops of the drink, shaking it in hopes to get more out of it. He discards it on the floor, and grabs his phone.

His thumb brushes over the date displayed on the phone. He used to be busy on this day in previous years, planning the day to its perfection, wooing his girl with carefully crafted plans and in the last two years buried in work.

He misses his home being filled with delicious scents of his cooking her favourites, her laughter at some stupid reruns of sitcoms. It’s been so long since his home and his life has seen some daylight.

His thumb hovers over her chat, uncertainty brimming up in his chest. He shouldn’t text her, he reiterates to himself. He scrolls through her unanswered texts right after their break up.

Please. I’ll be better.

-baby, May

Hannie… how can you do this to me?

-baby, May

Don’t leave me, Jeonghan. Please, I can’t live without you. It can’t be that easy to leave me. I beg you. I’ll do whatever you want. I will text you less, call you less, and we can live separately and only visit once a day. Don’t leave me Jeonghan.

-baby, May

[Voicenote 1:43 mins]

-baby, May

Jeonghan quickly scrolls past the voice note, he doesn’t have enough guts to hear you breaking down. If he does he will be standing outside your home, asking you to come back to this toxic union. Somewhere his mind nags, was it always toxic or were you scared to admit your wrongdoings?

Ridiculous

-baby, June

For my sake? For my sake you broke up?????

-baby, June

Be honest there’s someone else right?

-baby, June

You wanted to get rid of me to be with her

-baby, June

Explains the late nights and unanswered calls

-baby, June

YOON JEONGHAN YOU FUCKING BASTARD ASSHOLE AND AND I love you Jeonghan please… please reply I beg you

-baby, July

I’ll change myself the way you want Jeonghan I won’t be needy please I will give you your space I would be one with the wall in your life as long as I can see you everyday I am okay with anything

-baby, July

Did you loathe me that bad? I heard you already moved on. Is she prettier? Is she self-sufficient? Is she better than me?

-baby, August

[photo of your date holding your hand]

-baby, August

Ah so you really don’t care about me anymore.

-baby, August

I gave you five years of my life. You could have ended it in the first year. Could have spared me the heartache.

-baby, September

It feels like dying. Is this how people feel in their last moments? How can you be so happy while I’m scraping myself off the floor?

-baby, October

Happy birthday

-baby, October

Good luck with your life.

-baby, December

Jeonghan notices the unsent message sitting in the type bar.

Should we try again

He contemplates on sending it, but decides otherwise. He backspaces the message, he scrolls deeper into their conversation when things are rainbows and sunshine.

Hannie Hannie my dear Hannie saw you again in the sky shining brighter than ever… my sun 🌞

-baby

😒

-Jeonghan

Get back to work

-Jeonghan

He remembers smiling ear to ear in the office, rereading her message in the singsong tone of hers. He was fluid like water throughout his work that day, acing every meeting and task, humming all along.

Saw a baby playing with a baby chick 🐤

[photo]

-baby

Sooooooooooo CUTE

-baby

I JUST WANT TO GO AND BITE HIS CHEEKS

-baby

Can I do that 🥺

-baby

Didn’t know our date is at jail tonight

-Jeonghan

Jeonghan laughs at their conversation. Rolling onto his side he scrolls deeper. He sniffles, tears falling onto the cushion. He wipes his blurry eyes, reading the conversation from another day.

Rant incoming

-baby

Uh oh

-Jeonghan

That freaking bastard retard good for nothing asshole and the worlds most dumbest high paid person. How the fuck he got a job. Mr.know it all knows nothing. NOTHING EXCEPT MAKING MY LIFE HELL

-baby

HAVE TO WORK OVERTIME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

-baby

I MISS MY MAN!!!

-baby

(I miss you too)

-Jeonghan

BUT DUE TO THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.. OH HANNIE MY PRECIOUS BABY MY LITTLE MUNCHKIN

-baby

[Incoming call from baby]

Jeonghan wishes he can go back to the time when you called him all the sweet things in the world. If the universe or whoever is out there, is willing to give them one more chance will he take it up? Maybe or maybe not.

When will you be back? I miss you

-baby

…

-Jeonghan

Come on. It’s been like thirty minutes

-Jeonghan

What can I do?

-baby

Your cum is still running down my thighs reminding me of you 🤷‍♀️

-baby

FUCK

-Jeonghan

YOU CANT PULL THAT CARD

-Jeonghan

☹️ okayyyy don’t worry I pushed it all back in.

-baby

Happy golfing Hannie!!! Win and come home 🥰😘

-baby

You DEVIL

-Jeonghan

I’m coming home

-Jeonghan

😇😇😇

-baby

Jeonghan locks his phone, closing his eyes, tears rushing out. A ripping pain in his chest makes him curl up into a ball, he holds himself, all the pain inside of him bursting out. The silence of his apartment is now broken with whimpers and cries for help. It's been so long since he felt something, he doesn’t want to continue to live in this pain. He doesn’t have the will or fighting spirit left in him.

He messed with his career for the sake of his ex, he stopped going out with his friends, and it's been so long since he talked with his parents. Another sob escapes him remembering how you used to hold him whenever he felt low. Despite the thousand fights they had, you were always there to catch him. You are his sun, not the other way around. He is stupid, stupid, stupid.

He ended things for their own good. He realised that no matter how much you love someone, sometimes you just end up hurting each other. He couldn’t bear seeing you standing in the middle of the apartment everyday mid fight with tears spilling out.

He knows he is the problem, he wasn’t mature enough to handle his love with care, love and affection, the only thing you wanted out of him. He only gave you pain, sadness and a reason to cry. He was the source of your unhappiness. He tried to be a source of happiness, but things slipped right through his fingers.

If only he could be more like how you wanted him, maybe today he would have been curled up in your warmth instead of the coldness of his apartment.

—

The office is swarming, phones ringing, and hellos echoing around. You keep checking the manager’s cabin, eyeing the expressions of the director, manager and Seungkwan through the glass doors. It is hard to catch their words, or read their lips, as it is a few cubicles down from yours. You send a document to print, slipping on your heels, you march towards the printer next to the cabin.

Seungkwan catches you, shaking his head subtly before answering to the director. The printer spits out the papers slowly with a wheezing sound, you adjust your hair straining your ears to catch at least a few words.

“... branch needs you,” the director’s firm tone makes you wince, “or…” you lose some words as the printer whirs loudly, and you swear you heard your name, “..can go in your place.”

“I am not sure,” Seungkwan replies, “I can’t..”

A colleague of yours watches you in suspicion, his eyes darting from you to the cabin you are eavesdropping. Fuck, he is HR. You bow in greeting, laughing, pointing at the old printer dying to print out some documents. He nods, mumbling a feeble, keep up the good work.

You collect the papers just in time the director walks out of the cabin, noticing you, he smiles warmly in greeting before walking to his cabin. Seungkwan closes the manager’s cabin behind him, his lower lip wobbly at the sight of you. You step in with him to his cubicle, “what happened?”

Seungkwan lets out a big groan, “I have to start relocating by the end of the month.” He rubs his temples, “I have to tell her tonight.” He checks the time on his watch, “and she was looking forward to our date,” his voice shakes a little, “only for me to pour water over all her excitement.”

He plops down on his seat, keying in his password. You lean against his desk, thumbing the pages, “you know,” you muster up the courage, “I want to ask for this transfer.” You quickly add before he can jump in, “I really want this transfer, Seungkwan. I think..” you trail off, your voice dropping an octave, “I am done with this city.”

You blink back the tears with a laugh, you set the papers on his desk, turning away from him. “I am planning to talk it out with the manager, and,” you look at him from the corner of your eyes, “ask to get off your back.”

He smiles, tapping his fingers on the armrest, “I don't want you to force yourself for my sake.” He raises his hand, stopping you from defending yourself, “someone going away in my place will loosen my burden but I don’t want that to be you. Got my point?”

“I understand, but,” you meet his eyes head on, “I really want to get out of this place, Seungkwan. I don’t have any fond memories left–” Seungkwan scoffs “–apart from our hangouts, of course.”

With a deep inhale, you blurt out, “everywhere I go, I see us. I search for him everywhere,” you wipe away the stray tear, “I don’t want to live this way. Not when he is happy somewhere, in someone’s arms.”

Seungkwan evades your gaze, clicking on some email, “about that..”

“I don’t wanna hear anything else.” You square up your shoulders, “I am going in now and ask for the transfer.”

Seungkwan calls out your name but you are already at the manager’s cabin.

—

“Cheers,” you clink the glasses with Seungkwan’s and Nari’s. You dunk the contents in a single gulp, a bitter sigh escaping your lips.

“Congrats on the new role,” she congratulates, with a beaming smile, “I am very happy for you.”

Seungkwan sips on his soju, not joining in the party of your transfer and beginning of new life. His girlfriend, not knowing the reason behind his silence, chats away about her new boss and the funny antics of his.

Seungkwan grills the meat, the sizzling sounds of the meat grabs your attention more often than you let on. He places the cooked meat on Nari’s plate, your eyes fall on your empty plate, and the growling of your stomach. You pour yourself another glass of soju, laughing at the reenactment of the fall of her new boss.

“I couldn’t not laugh!” she fans herself, “but I was the only one with a loud laugh. He saw me, I just hope he won’t get his revenge.”

You grab the cooked meat from the grill, and blow on it, “he wouldn’t. You are one hard working person. He is lucky to have you on his team.”

She blushes, fumbling with her thumbs. Seungkwan drops the tongs, brushing her pink cheeks. You excuse yourself to the washroom, grabbing your phone. Few messages from your colleagues congratulating on the promotion, and also sad for the transfer. Your heels halt when the email from the Get Love Quick sits on your notifications.

You open the washroom stall, and lock yourself in, calming your nerves. You open the mail.

Dear Heartbroken soul,

Thank you for choosing us to direct you to true love. We are sad to hear your pain, and with all the shit life threw at you, we just want to apologize on behalf of life. Along with the apology we also want to throw in some delight by informing you that, *drum roll*, your date has been fixed for this Sunday. Please find the venue details below.

Ps. As a tradition of Get Love Quick the details of your date is a surprise. Builds the anticipation *wink wink*.

With love,

Get Love Quick

It’s already Friday today, one more day and then you have a date. Your clammy fingers don't help in clicking the venue details in the maps. You rub your sweaty palms onto your skirt, and try again typing the details. This cafe is forty minutes drive away from your apartment.

Is it worth it? You are about to move away from this place in a couple of weeks. You have to start packing away, look for a house in the new city, and break the news to your family and friends. Who would be interested in someone who isn’t available after the first date? Highly unlikely to convert this date into a long distance relationship. A part of you believes that there’s no aspect of you that will be appealing to the other person to make him leave everything too.

For now you put the date on the back burner. You have one more day, and it's Sunday you to decide.

Completing your business in the washroom, you saunter back to the table, slowing down, giving space to the couple kissing. You fiddle with the promotion mails on your phone, coughing into your fist before sliding onto your stool. Seungkwan hangs his hand around his girl, color coming back in his face. Ah, she does hold the key to his heart, no wonder he was desperate to stay.

No matter how happy you are for them, to have each other through ebbs and flows, watching them, or spending time with a couple opens a part inside you that you aren’t proud of. It reminds you of what you don’t have in your life, or what you once had.

“I’m done for the day,” you fake yawn, “my uber is on the way, I will meet you on Monday.” You sling your handbag, walking away before he can understand the urgency in your exit.

“You didn’t even eat anything.” He points the tongs to your full plate, “why are you leaving so soon?”

“I’m tired from all those meetings, and I am not feeling good. Need some rest.”

If he has doubts about your poor acting, he doesn’t comment on it. You greet them good night, exiting the restaurant.

—

The cafe is in a run down building, the ivy creeps all over the creaks, and the light illuminating the cafe name flickers. Sweet Life. No soul is seen around the empty street, a cat mewls from the garbage can, and rustling of covers echoes. The sun is already setting with an orange hue across the sky. You share your location with Seungkwan just in case, tugging the neckline of your dress up, you open the rusty door.

“Welcome!” A woman greets from the whirring coffee machine. “Please find a seat.”

You bow in a greeting, and turn to the almost empty cafe except for, your breath catches in your throat, one person. Your feet stay rooted, your gaze not moving from him, and him staring back at you with his lips parted. The exit door is two steps away, you can run away and sleep it off like it's a bad dream.

The door rattles open, two sleazy men brush past you, stinking of alcohol. You grab the half open door, quickly slipping past the door, your vision blurry making your ankle twist a few times. You sit on your feet, leaning against the wall, rubbing your eyes and the runny nose with the back of your hand, your breathing becomes irregular. Seungkwan. You need him to tell you what to do. You search for your phone in your wallet, dropping the papers, lip balm and keys on the road.

You gasp for air, breathing in through your mouth, hitting your chest. Five things. List down five things, you see a crumpled tin on the pavement, you smell stinky garbage, and you hear the crack of the door opening. Two black shoes step beside you, and you smell of him.

Jeonghan separates a tissue from the stack, and holds the back of your head, wiping your tears. You push his hand away, shaking your head trying to get out of his grasp. He grips onto your neck, pulling you closer to him, his teary eyes glaring back at you. He cleans your wet cheeks. “Breathe in,” he commands, “one..two..do it,” he pleads.

You turn away from his touch. He sighs, kneeling on one foot, “I get it,” his voice wavers, “I know you don’t want me here.” He wipes the corner of your eyes, and below your eyes, “but let's get you calm down.” He whispers, “please, ba–” he clears his throat “–not for me but for you, okay?”

“I-It’s be-because,” you gasp for air, “of y-you.”

Jeonghan sits next to you, on the dirty pavement, “I know.” He holds a fresh tissue to your nose, “I am sorry.” His eyes run across your face, “I didn’t know, or else,” he trails off.

You grab the tissue from him, and blow your nose, sitting on your bum next to him. “Or else you wouldn’t have come.” You hiccup, folding the tissue, “like always.”

He grabs the used tissue from you, stacking all of them next to him. He hands you a new one. Both of you sit in silence, his shoulder leaning against yours, while you catch your breath.

He picks up your discarded items and puts them back in your wallet, “are you good now?”

You pick on the ends of the tissue, sniffling, why is he my date out of all? Jeonghan clasps your wallet shut, drumming his fingers on the black surface of it, his long messy strands obscuring his face.

He is here, next to you, after almost two years, breathing and you can feel his warmth unlike the Jeonghan in your dreams. But why now? When you were all set to move on with someone, anyone new. Leaving everything and him behind in a couple of weeks. What kind of cruel joke is the universe playing now?

“Better than when you left me,” you reply. The bitterness in your words flinches him, he drops his head to his lap, fiddling with his thumbs. You scoff, “are you nervous now?” How dare you feel nervous?

Jeonghan sighs, “I get it you hate me.”

“Hate, Jeonghan? Hate? You ruined me. You left me to tend to myself. I..” your voice wavers, remembering standing outside his apartment, begging him to open up, “what is the point anyway. Reiterating everything won’t change anything.” You grab your wallet from him, you hold onto his thigh helping yourself stand, “you will still be that bastard and I will still be.. me.”

Jeonghan stands up, falling in step with you as you walk without any direction and your anger being the only navigator. “I’m sorry,” he holds your wrist, turning you to him, “I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry?” You hit his chest, he stumbles back, “do you think saying sorry will heal me? All those nights,” you are crying again, “all…” you hit him, “those..” another hit “nights..” he accepts all your hits.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that!” You shout. “You don’t even mean it.” You grab his shirt, his familiar warm woody scent cracks your semblance. “You don’t even.. mean it.” You inch closer, nuzzling into his chest, inhaling his scent.

God, no!

You push him away, “no, no, no.” You turn around, running away from him and the dead feelings sprouting back.

Few more steps and you will reach the road. Some taxis should be there for you to go back home. Before you can come into proper light, he tugs you back.

“Please,” he begs, “one chance. One dinner,” he holds your hands, squeezing them.

The streetlight falls on him, you forget your anger for a moment, reaching to his brown bruise on his chin and split lips. “What happened to you?”

He leans into your palm, closing his eyes, tears falling onto your arm. He grips onto your other hand, “please, one more chance.”

“What makes you think you deserve it?”

Jeonghan slowly opens his eyes, his brown eyes flicking across your face, “you still carry my picture.” He holds up your left hand, tracing the print of the ring that used to be on your ring finger.

You shove his hand away, “I’m not meeting you anytime soon. Or anymore.”

You sink in the new details of him one last time, he lost weight, and the dark circles under his eyes are prominent. The bruise on his cheek is dark, and the split on his lip is red with blood. What on earth is he doing with himself? You don’t have it in you to know the reason, scared you will crumble here and now, taking him back into your life in a beat.

“Have a good life, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan speaks up, halting you from moving away. “When you are not wanted or needed by anyone then you cease to exist.” You look in his eyes, the dark ones hold yours, “The moment,” he is towering over you, clad in black long coat, “you walked away, my existence went away with you.” He silences you, pressing his finger onto your lips, “I am an idiot who didn’t realize your worth and,” he brushes your cheek with his thumb, “took you for granted.

“I tried everything, baby,” he rests his head over yours, bending to your height, “nothing is you. I was searching for you in everyone,” his breath hits your forehead, “and no one is you. I am not asking you to take me back,” you look in his eyes, “yet. One dinner, one chance is all I ask.”

When he meets your silence, he calls out your name in a soft whisper. “Baby,” he pulls your chin up, “one dinner.”

And you crumble like a historic building holding years of past, falling apart. You are nodding to his request even before you know.

—

The day’s heaviness settles on your shoulder, the entire ride back home has been a blur. Pushing past the door, you enter your apartment, leaving your high heels and keys. Seungkwan is already at your flat, lounging on the couch, eating your snacks. He springs to his feet, rushing towards you, “what happened? Why are you crying?”

You throw your wallet onto the coffee table, the potato chip bag crunching under your feet as you make your way to the couch. Seungkwan sits next to you, questioning you. Your phone vibrates on the coffee table, he grabs it at a lightning speed, opening it and his eyes going wide, dropping the phone on the carpet.

“Fuck.”

He pulls you into a bear hug. You sob into his shoulder, incoherent words leaving your lips in an attempt to explain what happened. He pats your head, cooing comforting words.

“He is there, Seungkwan.” You rub your eyes, “he is my date. How can this happen?”

“I am sorry,” he holds your arms, tears in his eyes, “I am so sorry. It’s all because of me, I shouldn’t have forced you to–”

“No,” you pick your phone from the carpet, unlocking it. “It would have happened sooner or later.”

Did you reach home safely?

-Hannie

“Block him.”

Locking your phone, you hide it behind you. “Can’t.”

He frowns, “why?”

You drop your gaze to your lap, “we are meeting on Tuesday for dinner.”

The expletives leaving from Seungkwan’s mouth makes you shut your ears. “Hand me over your phone now.” He extends his palm, waiting. Your bottom lip quivers, you give a slow shake of your head. “For fuck’s sake.” He reaches for it, and you hold it with your entire being.

“Listen to me, listen to me,” you plead, Seungkwan reclines back in his seat. “He just wanted one dinner,” you raise your arm when Seungkwan opens his mouth, “only one dinner. And with my schedule, I won’t be able to meet him more than that.” You reason. “I will be away, and he won’t be there. I think this will be the end.”

“End my foot.” Seungkwan snatches the phone from you, and hits the block button. “He is back at it again. Getting into fights, summoned by po—”

“Fights?”

Seungkwan bites his tongue in grimace. “Nothing.”

“Seungkwan.” Your voice is firm, thinking about the bruises on his face. What on earth is he up to? Fights? You knew he had some issues managing his tongue but he never hit someone out of anger. “What are you hiding?”

Seungkwan clutches his head in a groan, leaning back on the couch. “I’ll tell you if you promise me you won’t meet him.”

You gape at him, your lips opening and closing without a single word escaping. Anger seeps into your thoughts, hating the way Seungkwan is interfering in your life. “I am telling you that it's going to be only one dinner!”

He flinches at your sharp voice, glaring back at you. “And I know you!” He fights back, “I saw you. It's not gonna be a single dinner.”

He holds your arm, handing you your phone back. “I am not against you,” he stands up, “I was with you, am with you and will always be.”

Guilt crawls into your heart, god, it’s happening again. How can you lash out at Seungkwan? This is exactly why Jeonghan re-entering your life is catastrophic. The chaos he left took you long enough to calm it down. And now with your behavior you aren’t sure Seungkwan is going to stay with you this time.

“I’m sorry.” You apologize, staring at the blocked contact on your phone, tracing his message. You lock the phone, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have,” you gesture between you two, “I’m sorry. I won’t meet him.”

Seungkwan takes your hands in his, sitting next to you, “you have to believe me.” You nod, not meeting his gaze. “I know it seems tempting and you want to have him back but,” he tilts to the side, wanting you to look at him, “he is not worth it. Not worthy of your love.”

Flashes of Jeonghan holding you, calming you and wiping your tears and snort crosses your mind. The tenderness in his gestures, regularizing you out of the anxiety attack, and the desperation to meet you one more time. If this ain’t love then what is?

But you don’t say this to Seungkwan, he wouldn’t understand you or Jeonghan. Your relationship with Jeonghan wasn't smooth sailing like Seungkwan’s is. You had your high tides, heavy rains and darkest sails but he was your port, your anchor, and the morning always came.

“Yeah,” you pull your arms out of his hold. “Go home, Seungkwan, it’s late.”

He is silent for a few seconds, but stands up ready to leave.

“Should I know why Jeonghan is involved in fights?” You ask from the couch.

Seungkwan holds the door open, turning to you, “it's better if you don’t.”

So it is because of you.

—

Packing your entire life and moving away isn’t as easy as you thought it would be. The boxes around you are overwhelming, and yet the packing is the only thing that’s keeping you sane.

It’s been a week since your meeting with Jeonghan. Work has been hectic leaving you little time to think about the notifications of the blocked contact. It feels like a drink is placed before a recovering alcoholic, tempting yet restraining yourself.

Your phone lights up again with another notification of the blocked caller. You flip the phone, tackling the old clothes into a box. Why did you buy all of these? Folding an old sweater your attention drifts to your phone. One call or text wouldn’t hurt, right? Or unblocking him is not going to hurt you. He is your Jeonghan after all.

Shaking yourself out of it you shove the sweater into the box. You kneel down on the floor, bending to grab the clothes shoved inside of your cupboard. Jeonghan’s. Hoodies and oversized T-shirts of his you loved to wear.

You pluck the blue oversized tee, running your hand over the softness, a laugh tumbling out of you at the memory.

He spent an entire week searching for the tee only to find you wearing it one night. He stood near the kitchen counter, hands folded across his chest, pissed.

You didn’t dare to acknowledge him knowing he is waiting for you to give in. Or some explanation on why you searched for the tee along with him when you are very well aware where it is hiding.

You chop the carrots into thin slices and pretend he isn’t standing near you. He scoffs, his slippers hitting against the wooden floors as he approaches you. You slithered to the side slowly, peeking over your shoulders.

Anger is replaced with a lopsided grin on his face, he drags you to him by the shirt. He locks your wrists behind your back and grabs your face, leaving stinging kisses. Hearing your grumbles, and chasing lips for his’ in need of a proper kiss, he spanks your ass muttering, “punishment.”

You stuff his clothes into an empty moving box before it can pull you into the darkness of his memories. Wiping your tears with your shirt sleeve. The phone lights up yet with another notification. Another call from the blocked contact.

A sob leaves your lips, why is he so insistent now? After all these months why is he adamant on talking to you. The urge to unblock him and text him is uncontrollable, but Seungkwan’s words run through your mind. You imagine his disappointed face once he knows that you didn’t listen to him, and honestly you are a little scared that he will stop talking to you. You are scared that the only person who cares about you will leave you, just like everyone else.

Clearing the notifications you shoot a text to Seungkwan.

Need to drop these off at Jeonghan’s.

-sent

I’ll drop by and do that.

-Seungkwan

One last glance at the box containing his clothes you are overcome by the need, and pluck one of his black hoodies. You pull over the hoodie, hugging yourself as you curl up on the floor next to a half filled trolley and dozens of boxes.

—

Jeonghan is pacing around his living room, chewing on the unlit cigarette. He dials your number again and again. Blocked? How can you block him? You didn’t delete him away after the break up, but you did it now? Not when you agreed to meet him for dinner, and he can tell a lie, especially when it's coming from you.

He drops the cigarette on the couch rustling through his drawers for the unused phone. It should have another sim, if he can contact you with it he can end this torture. Going to your house is also an option that he considered dearly, he didn’t want to cross that last boundary. Not especially when you are putting up a wall for some reason. Oh, how he so wants to fuck the rules.

The knock on his door garners his attention from throwing the notebooks and mail from the drawer like a raccoon sifting through trash. He runs his hand through his unkempt hair watching Seungkwan standing outside his door. He leaves the door open, massaging the space between his eyebrows. Seungkwan visiting him will never end in peace.

“Here.” Seungkwan throws a bag onto the couch. The bag bounces off the couch and falls on the floor. “Your clothes.”

Jeonghan turns around at those words, frowning. His clothes? Why would Seungkwan have–ah. He pads over the strewn notebooks and papers on the floor, reaching for a new cigarette, his fingers shaky. The bits and pieces aligning themself, the abandoned dinner, blocked contact, and now—his clothes. He glares over his shoulder at the man who is ruining his life, along with yours. You would never ever even dare to discard a single message from him.

“Don’t ever contact her.” Seungkwan warns, completing surveying Jeonghan’s dumpster called home. “She finally moved on.”

Jeonghan rests his hand on the wooden surface, the cigarette crushing between his fingers. He tilts his head to the side, giving a once-over at the friend of his ex. “Did she, now?”

Seungkwan takes a threatening step forward, “Don’t you dare, Yoon Jeonghan.” He fists his hand, “you are a bastard, and have you seen yourself,” he spits, “do you think she needs someone like you?”

Images of you laughing at his mess and swatting his shoulder before dragging him to clean up crosses his mind. He loved those moments.

“You don’t deserve a second of her attention.” Seungkwan continues, “Go back to your devious ways and party life. And leave her alone.”

He storms out of the apartment, leaving behind a seething Jeonghan.

Fuck rules.

—

You rustle under your blanket, the faint knock on your door stirring you out of your slumber. The night is up outside your window, the cool spring air blowing in, curtains flying in tune with it. Another knock. No one visits you at ten in the night, peeling off the thin blanket you step in the empty spots between trolleys and card boxes. Did Seungkwan need something from you?

Your roommate winces at your sleepy state once you open the door. She looks over to her left scowling. “I tried.”

What? Your eyebrows pull in at the confusion, what’s going on?

Jeonghan steps in, hovering over your roommate. The sleep goes away from your body, nervous system kicking in for the fight or flight response. What is he doing here? His blood red eyes doesn’t move away from you, drinking in your bed head, and the—shit, fuck, his hoodie. Your knuckles turn white from the deadly grip on the door handle, shut it.

“Call me if you need me.” Your roommate steps away, giving space for him to come closer.

He crowds over you, his cozy scent mixed with cigarette smell messing with your senses. You push the door to a close on his face, his hand holds the door, his strength threatening over yours, he pushes it open with ease. If he was angry earlier, now he is pissed. His chest brushes your face, his hand coming over your shoulders, bringing you both inside your room, and shuts the door behind him, turning the lock in.

“Why?”

Desperateness clings to your voice. The grip on your shoulder causes you to jerk back, pushing his chest away from you. He backs away to the door, hands behind him. Your fingers hover over the light switch, wondering whether to turn it on or not. Seeing him might make it harder for you to handle all the emotions. The memories of him you have in this room, the ones that kept you going and also pulled you back, drove you crazy and now with him in the space won’t help you hold back anymore.

The light stays off, the street light falling from your window is the only illumination outlining the shadow of him. You are standing next to the window a few feet away from him, your hands clasped behind your back.

Jeonghan shuffles across the room, his hand tracing the edge of the table placed near the window, a few steps away from you but closer than before. He leans on the table with one hand, another stuffed in his jean pocket. A car headlights flashes across your room, he is wearing the blue t-shirt. He got his clothes back.

“You aren’t picking my calls.”

“Didn’t feel like it,” you answer after a beat.

“You or Seungkwan?”

You snap your head from your fingers to him, “What?”

Another step forward. “You have so many protecting you,” he pauses, and adds with a slight shake in his voice, “from your villain.” He dips his head to the floor, his hair cascading his face.

You prick on your fingers, locking them behind you. No, you can’t touch him.

A chuckle escapes from him, he flips his head back, running his crooked fingers through the hair. “I earned the title.” He shrugs. “But,” he singled out his focus on you, “I would’ve stopped calling if,” another step, “you didn’t want me.” He tilts his head, the light from the window directly falling on him, his frown, “but for Seungkwan?”

“I didn’t want to see you.” A half lie.

His lip curls into a smirk, “you couldn’t lie then.” He nods to himself, “and you can’t lie now. So, don’t.”

“Why are you here, Yoon Jeonghan?”

He is toying with the bobble head on your desk. “Why do you think so?”

The words rattles the last wall you are holding up. Tears prick your eyes, exhaustion creeps up your bones. “Stop,” your voice wavers, he looks up with confused eyes, “please.”

The frown line between his eyes is prominent, he lets go of the bobble head and is standing next to you. His scent engulfs you, clouding all your thoughts. “Don’t cry,” his hand reaches for your cheek but stops, not touching. “Please.” The crack in his voice is too much.

You step away from him, stumbling on the trolley. He stabilises you by your arm. You push away his grip, backing away to the bed. Pulling up the blanket you hide beneath it. A sob escaping. The bed dips, he holds your knee over the blanket.

“Let me see you,” he pleads, “one last time, and I’ll leave. But don’t cry.”

You shake your head. “You are the worst.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yo-you ca-can’t come-comeb-ack and.. and,” you hiccup, sobbing uncontrollably. “Ex-expect me-me to be ok.”

He pulls you into a hug, the blanket slips off your face. He pats your head, “please, don’t cry.” His cheek presses into yours, nuzzling his nose into your hair. “I don’t want you to cry. If being with me makes you cry then,” he grips onto your shoulder, pressing himself tightly, “then I’ll leave.”

“You always leave.” You free yourself from him. Breathing in and out to regulate yourself. “Always.”

Jeonghan holds you down, “if you want me to stay, I’ll stay.” He brushes the stray strands off your face, “but if I’m going to be the reason for you to cry then I won’t. I don’t want you to cry, not again.

“I realise my mistakes. I shouldn’t have been the asshole, and ran away from our problems that day. I’m sorry. Hate me, hit me and slap me all you want till your anger subsides. But don’t cry. You and I, we both want each other,” he holds the drawstrings of your hoodie, “we are for each other. I’ll wait till you can accept me.”

“Lies.” You turn away from his pleading face. “I have seen you. And your fuck buddies.”

Jeonghan groans, rubbing his face in frustration. “I didn’t sleep with anyone. There was no one after you.” He clings onto you, “I did go out but it never worked.”

You scoff, not believing his words. The pictures looked pretty chummy for you to believe that nothing happened afterwards, especially knowing how handsy Jeonghan can be.

“I can dial all my dates and let them speak to you,” he pulls out his phone, opening the messaging app and scrolling through dozens of unanswered chats.

You hold his hand before he hits the dial button. “No need.” Like Jeonghan, you can tell when he is lying or not. “But you moved on pretty quickly.”

“I had to.” He answers quickly, “or else I would have sorted you back. And it wouldn’t have been a good choice.”

“Why?”

“You weren’t happy,” his voice drops, barely a whisper, “and I wasn’t too. And it really gutted me to see you cry,” he sounds distant, like lost in a memory, “I hate to see you cry, whether we were fighting or not. It didn’t matter that I was angry at you. And when it became clear that I was the reason for you crying every night, I couldn’t do it any longer.

“I wondered maybe if I stepped away from–” his voice breaks “–your life then you would finally be happy. You don’t know how much my chest hurt when you were crying outside my door. Baby,” the nickname slips his mouth before he can hold it back, “I really thought you would be happy, and if I had known,” he wipes your tears tenderly, “it would break you this bad, I would not have done it.”

“It’s for good.” You say, “we needed space. I was too much, too greedy for you and your attention.”

“No–”

You cut him off, “let me talk. I realized how it tortured you, I occupied your entire life. I restrained you, what not. I did later on hear from your friends on how.. how you cancelled all your plans and didn’t meet them.” You chuckle, fumbling with your fingers, “and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I am sorry. Truly.”

“I don’t want–”

“And as much as we want to rework on our relationship,” you cut in again, “I don’t think it’ll work again. Not only because of our pre-existing issues, but there are few others.”

He shifts uncomfortably, “like?”

“Like, I am moving away in a week.” You gesture around the trolleys and moving boxes. “I was that needy when you were next to me, imagine us doing long distance.” You chuckle imagining the disaster it will be, the tears shining on the edge of your eyes. “I might even kill you.”

“You are moving?”

The smile vanishes noticing the hurt laced in his words. “Yeah. That should explain the mess in my room. You know how much–”

“You hate messy room. I know.”

“Yeah..”

Silence cascades between you two. He is ruffling his hair, a tic whenever he is in distress. You pick on your finger not knowing what to say or how to.. end things again. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did the first time, right? Maybe this time you may walk out unharmed as long as you don’t remember that Jeonghan wants to try things again. If only it was as easy as telling yourself to just forget.

Jeonghan wouldn’t move from Seoul or quit his job where he put in his blood, sweat and tears. The long nights and weekends he invested, the ranks he climbed are too dear to him to lose now. You aren’t that special anymore for him to resign and find you. Bidding your goodbyes now is the right thing to do.

“I–”

“Where are you moving to?” He asks. “What about your job? The lease? Your parents?”

You hear the unasked question. What about me?

“I am being transferred to another branch. Seungkwan was supposed to go but his girlfriend–”

Jeonghan snorts. “Explains. You are lifting your entire life just for a friend?”

“He is my brother.” You snap. “If not for my father he will be the one to walk me down the aisle. Don’t downplay our friendship.”

“How can I not? He is the reason you weren’t talking to me. Me! He is ruining whatever we are having or would have.”

“Because he saw me. He helped me put myself back when you were galavanting with your dates and what not!”

“This is too much to do for someone else. It isn’t right. If he is chosen he has to go no matter what.”

You stare at Jeonghan in the dark, “this is nothing compared for people we love. If you loved someone then you would have understood.”

Nodding to yourself at his silence, you pull your hoodie sleeves over your fingers. “I am not going to tell you where I am moving to, Jeonghan. It wouldn’t help either of us. I would be too stuck up in hopes that you would come, and you wouldn’t even bother to..” you shake your head, “what’s the point. We are running in circles.

“We had a good five years, maybe four before it all went down. But it's something I cherish for the rest of my life.” You cup his cheek, “have a good life, Jeonghan. Don’t drink too much, or smoke. Clean up after yourself, and,” you feel wetness crawling on your hand, “and, you are a good person. If we had met in different timelines where you weren’t distant and I wasn’t desperate, we would have ended up in an ocean side house with a little family like you always wanted.”

He rests his head on your forehead, his tears falling on your cheeks. “Bye, Jeonghan.”

—

Yangsan is a breath of fresh air. It’s more of a town than a city, reminding you a little of your hometown. Neighbors were friendly helping you lug your furniture up the stairs to the first floor. Your ears strained from listening to them go off about the highlights this city has to offer. Sparkly, full of life.

Their words blend with the sounds of the ocean. You saunter to the balcony attached to the living room, sliding the glass doors. Salty air hits you in the face, a little treat for your sweaty self. The summer sun sits in the middle of the sky, shining brighter than ever you have seen, blinding you for a few seconds. Adjusting to the light, the blueness of the ocean pulls you further.

The sounds of the waves rattles the serene feeling, an overwhelming emotion consuming your entire being. You gamble with the risk of staying near to the ocean, the stench and cyclones, but if you are going to live here for a year you want it to be somewhere you love.

You got a feeling— a hunch, that you are going to love Yangsan. It’s about time.

—

Work at the new branch turns out to be better than your previous office—minus not having Seungkwan. The new role is full of heavy responsibilities as you have to carry a team of six. Growing closer to them was a task, and it took you three months to reach this point.

“Thank you for all your hard work.” You beam at your small team cooped up in the meeting room. Tired smiles thrown back at you. “Should we grab dinner and have some—”

The team is already up, closing their laptops and hurrying out of the meeting room. You have never seen an enthusiastic team for a team dinner. Seungkwan and you had to drag yourselves to the dreadful and boring dinner which was borderline a self-boasting manager session.

Hansol, one of your juniors, is closing his notes and capping his pen. Neatly coiling his charger cable, he sets everything on top of his laptop.

“Hansol,” you approach him slowly, like getting near to a stray kitten afraid you might make it run away, “are you coming for dinner?”

He straightens, rubbing his neck. “Ah..”

“I mean no big deal but the team would be happy to have you with us. Afterall you were the key player to lock in the client. You need to celebrate.” You persuade, or more like try to.

Hansol is known for skipping the team dinners, happy hours and laying low until it’s crucial work. One month into the office, you heard the rumours floating around, Hansol moved back from Seoul. His childhood sweetheart and love of his life cheated on him. It’s his third year in this branch, and he still eats alone most of the time. You didn’t dig deeper, if time comes then he will be ready to talk about it.

You would be lying if you say you don’t have a soft spot for him. You saw a part of you in him, in his absent stares, hunched back, and disassociated nature. Coming out of love can be heart wrenching, imagining a betrayal from the most trusted person is just dying. The dark cloud is always over his head, a smile as rare as a comet. All you could do is hope that he will find his happiness again.

He traces his finger along the coiled charger. “I mean it's fine if you don’t want to,” you jump in scared that you are acting as your previous manager. “But I really appreciate all your help.” You smile when he finally looks at you. “Keep up the good work! See you on Monday.”

Sunhee, your other junior is standing by the door, her handbag on her arm. Anxious eyes on the man trailing behind you. Turning off the lights you cross check the meeting room before closing it.

“Are you going to your cats again?” Sunhee asks Hansol.

“Ah..” he rubs the back of his neck, looking at her for a second before staring at the floor. After a brief moment he adds, “nah, coming for dinner.”

The girl’s cheeks tint pink, jaw slack open. You shake your head, walking to your desk and packing away your day.

—

The dinner turns rowdier than you anticipated. One by one of your co-workers are being sent home, leaving you with slightly buzzed Sunhee, Hansol, and two more of your co-workers waiting on their ride home.

“I’ll pour you a drink,” Sunhee grabs the soju bottle, giggling at the swirling liquid, “round, round,” she mimics the movement with her head, “ah, dizzy.”

You slap her hand away from the bottle, “no more drinks. You are going home next.”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaat??!?!??” She cups her mouth, tears springing in her eyes. “You can’t do this to me!!” Coyly she flits her gaze to the man sitting across her, “Chwe Hansol!”

The man, already tipsy with overly bobbing his head, said, “that’s me.”

“Why??” She screeches, “for the love of the god—”

“Amen.” He bows.

You throw your head back laughing at the ridiculous scene unfolding before you.

Sunhee hits him with a crumpled up tissue. “CHWE HANSOL!”

He straightens up, “yes, ma’am.”

“For the love of the god,” she repeats, he mutters another amen, “why? Why won’t you understand?” She continues over his giggles.

His giggles die down. She slumps over the table, her long hair all over the place. You awkwardly look across the two, scratching your forehead wondering whether you should stay or give them the private space.

The team has already gone home except for you three. Sending them home is also your responsibility as the sober one and as a senior. One look at the distressed girl next to you makes you slouch back giving them the time they needed.

It’s no secret that Sunhee loves Hansol. From bringing in his favorite coffee to staying back overtime just so she could leave with him. Countless conversation starters only to end with a nod from him.

“Look at me,” she pleads, “please look at me.” Her voice quivers, “I’m standing here waiting for you to look at me.”

Hansol twirls the liquid in his glass, her words going over him. He doesn’t reply or even acknowledge her words, all her efforts and love are one-sided.

You attempt to stand up and leave them to talk, maybe without you between them Hansol might talk.

Sunhee grabs your hand, tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes, “if you leave he isn’t gonna stay. Please.”

You concede, patting her back in quiet encouragement.

“I answered you.” He replies after a prolonged silence. “It’s not gonna change.”

Your heart breaks watching tears spill from Sunhee’s eyes onto her lap. Her attention is not wavering from the one boy who is actively avoiding her. You slip your hand into hers, pressing it in a reassuring way.

She squeezes back, a wavering smile and she picks her bag. “See you on Monday, senior.” She salutes, laughing with tears. “Bye, Hansol.”

“Can I drop you home?” You ask.

“I sobered up. Thank you.” She walks out of the table, and her wobbly steps towards the exit.

Hansol refills his empty glass, sipping on it in silence. You check for the notifications on your phone, another missed call from Seungkwan. You sigh, you have to answer him one day.

“I’m a villain in your eyes right?” Hansol’s question cuts through the awkward silence. “A bastard who broke the sweetest girl on the earth.”

You set your phone down, shaking your head vehemently. “No, Hansol.”

He chuckles to himself, pouring another glass of drink. “The funny part is my sweetest girl on the earth broke me beyond repair.” He looks at you, but distant, lost in thought. “I feel something after so long,” his hand is over his heart. “I feel bad for breaking her. But she deserves more than what I could offer.”

You frown.

“It’s for her best.”

His words trigger the angrier side of you. You shouldn’t mix your past with their future. Before you can restrain yourself a scoff slips past your lips.

His eyes widen, “what?”

“If you don’t have guts to change yourself, then don’t say stuff like ‘it’s for her’,” you say, “if you want her then pick your ass up and get your life together.”

Hansol blinks.

“I mean,” you run a hand through your hair, “thinking about it, if you are letting her go because she deserves more, then you should have at least a little bit of interest in her right?”

He doesn’t agree nor deny.

“Do you doubt Sunhee’s capability of decision making?”

“No.” His answer is quick. “Her decisions led us to achieve the highest returns.”

“See.” You refill his empty glass, “she knows you for years, she likes you, and she has an idea of what she will get out of this relationship. So don’t bullshit yourself saying she deserves more.”

Hansol is lost in thought. His gaze on the exit where Sunhee disappeared.

“She isn’t your ex. I can’t say she won’t break your heart,” your voice lowers, “you never know what life makes you do but you can’t deny something beautiful just so you are scared.

“And that’s where I’ll stop. I have already butt in where I shouldn’t have. Do you have a ride home?”

Hansol checks his phone, “yeah. My neighbor is around and he said he’ll pick me up.”

“That’s kind of him.” You comment. “People around here are more hospitable than the ones in Seoul.”

“He is from Seoul.” Hansol clarifies, “he came here,” he ponders, “one or two months back? But he is always travelling back and forth.”

“Ah. Seoul has good people too then.”

“You are from Seoul.” He frowns, “you are a good person.”

You turn pink from his compliment. “Th-thank you. I’ll be right back.”

You take a much needed washroom break. The day has been tiring, and very long. Did you overstep in counselling Hansol? Who are you to lecture him on what he should or shouldn’t think? You couldn’t help yourself listening to him say the same words once you heard from your ex.

Washing your hands you wipe them off with a paper towel. Yoon Jeonghan. It's been six months since your last conversation with him. How is he doing? You are actively trying to not think about your life from Seoul, pushing everything away that reminded you of that time. Sadly, Seungkwan also falls into that category hence screening his calls too.

Jeonghan must be living his dream. He isn’t the one to fall back in life. The grit and passion he has shown is enough testament. He must have moved on by now. Found a girl who is of his ideal type, not someone needy and clingy.

You rush out of the washroom before you submerge yourself in self-pity. This is Yangsan. And this is new you. No more Yoon Jeonghan. No more…

A man in a long black coat catches your attention for having a similar build as your ex lover. You search for his hair to make sure if he is your Jeonghan. Sadly he is wearing a cap. Your steps pick up its pace, following the stranger amidst the drunken men going towards washroom.

The stranger whispers something to Hansol and exits. Hansol’s neighbour?

“Senior!” Hansol waves to you, “caught you in the right moment. My ride's here, see you on Monday.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You crane your neck to get a sight of the stranger but he is already out of the restaurant. “Did your neighbour come?”

He nods. “I have to go. I’m sorry. He’s a bit short tempered.” He winces. “But thank you for all your help. Thank you.”

“No problem.” You pick your own bag ready to leave. “Have a great weekend, Hansol. Remember to get some sun.”

He smiles before leaving.

You pay the bill at the counter, berating yourself. What were you thinking? Yoon Jeonghan here? In a nameless city? He didn’t put his feet anywhere remotely as close to a town. Even your trips while dating were to some exotic places.

Why are you following some stranger? Why are you still looking for him when you ended things with him? When will you learn?

—

You are at a restaurant again. This time Hansol chooses a seat next to Sunhee. During the one month since the team dinner, there have been little changes in Hansol. He has been starting conversations—not every single time but once or twice in a couple of weeks. He tries to attend the happy hours every Thursday.

Biggest change of all is he doesn’t shut down Sunhee completely. He sits in his chair when she comes around and doesn’t leave like previous times. Talks in sentences instead of one or two word answers. All in all you are proud to see the change.

“You are drinking tonight?” Sunhee holds the soju bottle, suspicious of your sudden need for alcohol. “Are you really sure you can hold your liquor?”

You roll your eyes, “I should be asking you that. Do you even remember what you do once you are drunk? Should I remind you of the countless times I have to drag your screaming ass?”

Hansol snickers.

“You too. You were the worst. How can you sleep in the middle of the road?!”

Hansol plucks the soju from Sunhee and pours you a drink. “Enjoy your night, senior.”

He is shutting you up with alcohol but you don’t complain, drowning it in one gulp. Ah, the bitterness. You missed the feeling.

“Pour me one too.” Sunhee shoves her glass into his face. “Why are you hiding it? I need a drink too.”

“Another!” You slam your empty glass on the table.

Hansol fulfills your request. You drain down the contents.

“Slow down.” Sunhee attempts to steal your glass. You slap her hand away. “What’s gotten into you today?”

“The rain doesn’t look like it’s gonna stop soon.” Hansol sighs, “I can’t believe we are in October already.”

Sunhee nods, momentarily forgetting about you stealing the bottle and pouring yourself another drink. “It’s getting chilly. I have to take out my scarves and cardigans.”

“October,” you sigh, dragging all of your hair to one side, “I hate octobers.”

“And that’s because?”

“Just hate it.” You shake your head, pouting. The table starts to spin, “hate it hate it.”

“She’s gone.” Hansol concludes.

“Not even half a bottle? You are drunk only from four glasses?” Sunhee throws her arms in the air, “I can’t believe you.”

You giggle into your palms. “Hehe.”

Sunhee and Hansol sit in silence, dropping everything to watch you, the ever uptight senior, always in control of every moment, giggling to yourself.

“Did you see what I saw?” Sunhee nudges Hansol’s ribs.

He gives an affirmative nod.

“What I’m saying is!!” You stand up holding the soju bottle as your mic, “hello! Everyone!”

The elder men all hooted back. Sunhee grabs your arm from across the table, whisper-yelling you to sit down.

The overhead lights are brighter than your future, blinding you for a second. “Hehe,” you snicker at the futile attempts of Sunhee to make you shut up, “I love youuuuu guysss.”

“Love you back, princess.” One of the drinkers calls back.

Few other voices overlap your muzzled brain can’t decipher. You turn to the audience, “what?”

A hand clamps your mouth shut, another hand dragging you out of the restaurant. “Touch alcohol one more time and you’ll see my—”

You fumble over your heel at an unseen step, falling onto your knees and hands. You giggle remembering something similar happened to you. You sit down on the wet floor wondering when you fell on the floor.

It was related to someone you love. “Loved.” You mutter to yourself, sadness washing all over you, “loved.” You toy with the sleeves of your shirt. “Is he celebrating now?”

Sunhee picks you up by your shoulder, “I can’t with you and this city. I am fed up. Stand up please. I can’t carry you all on my own. Where the fuck is Hansol?”

You lean on her shoulder, wrapping your arms around her. “Why do you hate this city so much? I love it!”

“Are you being serious now? What’s there to love about this city? No one loves this city except you.”

“That’s not true.” You watch a car approaching you two. “Hannie will love it.”

“Hannie?” She steals a glance at you. “Hansol? Since when did you two become nickname basis?”

Hansol gets down from the parked car, grabs you from Sunhee helping you into the car. He drops you on the seat, you plop down from the sudden release hitting the roof of the car. Your mind blanks out a second, pain vibrating throughout your skull.

“Careful.” Sunhee chides from behind, helps you sit up in the seat before buckling you up. “Are you okay? Should we go to the hospital?”

You smile, shaking your head.

“Are you sure?”

You nod.

Hansol drives you home. The rain hits the window harshly, the water sliding down in a hurry. Your eyes droop, blinking slowly at the blurry window. It’s October 4th. The day you dread, his birthday.

You honestly thought you were doing great. Going out, talking with new people, actively not pushing away people who show interest in you and even went on a date. It ended on a friendly note but the point is you moved on.

Until a memory or a food or a tv show reminds you of him. In the middle of the day when you hear someone hum a song he used to sing, you have to spend thirty minutes in the restroom consoling yourself, or overwork yourself to death.

Then you realised you can’t tear him away from your life. He is going to cross your mind, strangle your heart, and it will always leave a bitter taste of what could have been if you weren’t scared. If you were a little brave to accept him again, brave to loose Seungkwan over Jeonghan, and brave to face another heartbreak, you would have been celebrating his birthday.

Sunhee tugs you to your flat, holding your arm and keeping you from rain. The umbrella pokes your shoulder now and then, you stretch your arm enjoying the rain drops on your hand.

“Rain is pretty,” you mumble. A little sad that you are already under the roof. “Pretty, just like Hannie.”

“Hannie?” Hansol asks, confused.

“Hannie, Hansol.” Sunhee doesn’t spare him a glance, helping you up the stairs. “I didn’t know you were close.”

Hansol frowns, trying to squeeze between you two to face her. “I’m not close with her.”

“Keys?” She searches for the pocket you pointed in your bag. “Are you hungry? I can whip something up in a minute.”

You saunter into your home going straight to your bedroom. Opening your closet you grab the yellow pillow and fall on your comfortable bed. You nuzzle deeper into the pillow, mumbling his name.

“I don’t think she is calling for me.” Hansol stands at the door watching you cry into the pillow.

“Unrequited love?”

“Or an ex.”

—

The first time you have seen Jeonghan is at a party you weren’t invited to. The infamous yet rowdy party happening at one of the houses near your campus is always the talk of the town—a whisper shared between two, and then three. Next you were hoping you could at least get a glimpse of the dancing crowd and games.

Seungkwan, your almost knight in shining armour, dragged you along with him in hopes of shaking off the semester end exams. You were going back home tomorrow for the winter break, and he is staying back to work to save money.

Girls dressed in the shortest possible skirts, and moderately covering their assets you realized how outdated you are living. The long skirt you are donning is a hazard from the number of times you tripped, and almost dragged a stranger along with you to the floor if not for the wall.

Meandering the long halls, and along the locked rooms, you rest against the railing of the veranda. In spite of the chaoticness there was no one accompanying you, Seungkwan took a detour when he saw his crush from the statistics class. The full moon is shining in the sky, shining tranquility upon the drunk hazed people, and from the clouds eclipsing the moon your gaze falls on him.

He has neck length hair, mostly black, wavy at the ends. Bobbing his head to the chants from his group, “Yoon Jeonghan! Yoon Jeonghan!” He gestures his hand for them to chant louder, cupping his ear with a smirk. They comply, his name louder than the music blasting from a huge speaker.

A beer bottle is passed to him. He chugs its contents in a single lift, his Adam's apple moving along with his each gulp. He throws the bottle to the side, brushing his wet lips with the back of his hand. People burst out in cheers. He ducks down his hair hiding his face, shaking his head once before he flips his head back, his hair forming a perfect arc.

The clouds move away from the moon. His eyes fall on you.

—

Yoon Jeonghan is a final year student you got to know at the beginning of the spring season. Another hushed whisper among your classmates about his scandalizing break up happened at the cafeteria.

“He was drenched!” the girl beside you shrieks as slowly as she can without garnering attention from the professor but loud enough for you to hear.

“I wouldn’t have done that.” her friend chimes in. “not gonna lie he looked hot.”

“And embarrassing! Who gets dumped near a trash can with chocolate milk dripping down their face.”

“Yoon Jeonghan.”

—

Next time you hear about Yoon Jeonghan is from your best friend, Seungkwan. He is going off about his day, your daily ritual before sleep, when he comes to the part where his car has been crashed into (more like scratched but you weren’t going into details and spark another fire).

“That bastard,” Seungkwan eyes flit to you, “pardon my words but that scumbag deserves it.”

“Mmhmm.”

“He was so clearly in wrong, and he has fucking guts to say, ‘how much?’” Seungkwan’s face is as red as your pyjama pants. Should you be scared? “How much?! Where is the sorry and remorse? What happened to having decency?”

You nod. You swear you are trying your best to be empathetic to the victims of Yoon Jeonghan— the girl who got stood up in the rain, Seungkwan who got his car scratched, another girl who got dumped on the first date within ten minutes, another girl who you forgot about.

“If you can’t drive then you should stay home tending your ego.” Seungkwan rants on. And you keep nodding.

He is a menace. You know this, if you didn’t then you would be the dumbest person. But god isn’t he hot. That night still haunts your dreams, his eyes still on the back of your mind.

You hear your name. “Are you listening?”

“Of course.”

Would he kill you if you confess you are developing a crush on his enemy?

—

In a blink of an eye you were about to sit through your semester end exams. Library is bustling with drained and lifeless students, the smell of coffee lingers around you as you search for the row containing the textbook you are looking for.

“History… literature.. AH!” You step on something, losing your balance. You fall on your hands, minimising the fall trying not to scrape your knees. “Fuck.”

A male howls in pain.

“Shhh.”

Several shhs hit your face.

You sit on your bum, brushing off your scraped hands. A head peeks out of the rows of the bookshelves. His frowning eyes soften landing on you, revealing more of him. Yoon Jeonghan.

You tripped over his fucking feet.

“Who sleeps on the library floor?” You scoff, picking up your textbooks.

“Me?” He scoffs back. He crawls out of his hiding space, sitting in front of you. “Don’t you know to keep your eyes on the road?”

Now you understand why Seungkwan hates Jeonghan.

Jeonghan’s lips curl into a smile, as he clutches his ankle, “I think I hurt my ankle. What if I can’t walk?” He gasps, holding his chest.

You roll your eyes at his antics. Yet with little apprehension you near him, crawling to him, peering over his outstretched leg. You poke a finger at his ankle with a frown.

“Does it hurt?”

You look up at him meeting his silence, curling your hair behind your ear so you can see him clearly. His eyes follow your hand as you do it, lingering at the side of your face before snapping to your eyes.

“Ah, ah, it hurts.” He grins cheekily when you pinch his leg. “What? It takes time for your body to send signals to your brain.”

“I can’t believe you.” You stand up, dusting your ass off. You walk away from him, your heart clogged in your throat.

Fuck that was Yoon Jeonghan and you had a conversation with him.

“Hey,” he calls you. You turn around, hair obscuring your vision before you tuck it back, his head tilted to the side, “did we meet before?”

—

The semester came to an end. You heard about the biggest party of the year from your best friend as you are stuck at home.

Grad party of the century, and you are depressed that you missed your last chance of seeing Yoon Jeonghan.

Life works that way.

—

You aren’t sure whether to be happy as you are past the tumultuous student life or sad that you have finally become an adult.

Adulting came with responsibilities, body aches, and magic ability to fall asleep anywhere and anytime. Tiredness is your second nature at twenty two.

“I could have been sleeping but no. You fucking have to attend this fucking ridiculous reunion.” You exasperatedly throw your hands in the air.

Seungkwan feigns a hurt expression. “That hurts right here,” he pokes at his heart. “It’s been a year since we last met and here you are nagging.”

“Gah!” You march into the restaurant, throwing the door open, only on someone’s face. “Ah,” you cup your mouth with wide eyes.

Seungkwan slips past you pretending to not know you while the man you just hit is bent in half groaning in pain.

“Is that blood!?!?” You gasp again. Seungkwan is now running to the others. He is so going to die tonight for leaving you at times of crisis.

The man in the question stands up licking his thumb, “nah, that’s ketchup.”

“You!” You gasp yet again not believing your eyes.

“Yeah, me.” Jeonghan sniffles, touching his nose tenderly. “Why do you always inflict pain on me whenever we meet?”

“What pain?” You frown.

“You forgot?” He holds his left leg, “I still limp from the pain. And you forgot.” He clicks his tongue in annoyance, his eyes glimmering with mischief. “You wound me.” He later on adds touching his black nose, “literally.”

You step away from the entrance to let the customers flow in and out. Jeonghan trails behind you, limping when you look over your shoulder and walking perfectly fine when you look at him in the glass reflection ahead of you. This man—

“But from what I remember I think I stepped on your,” you flit your eyes down his pants, “didn’t I?” You lie.

His tongue pokes his cheek, interest blooming in his eyes as he watches you. “Well played.” He leads you to the boisterous table out of all, “remembering properly, didn’t you palm my—”

You hit his back with your wallet. “Fine! You win.”

He throws you a boyish grin over his shoulder, snagging two empty seats and patting one to you. You comply, accepting it and settling yourself for the long night. The fatigue from work disappears at the sight of Jeonghan’s teasing smiles and intrusive questions.

“We live ten minutes away!” He beams at the google maps displaying the route between his and your apartments. “So when are you bringing me homemade lunch?”

He props his elbow on the table, resting his chin on his palm watching you suffocate under his scrutiny. You nibble on the chicken leg, suddenly shy.

“Why would I ever do that?” You throw him a heated look.

He grins, finally having your attention on him. “Why not? Korea is known for its hospitality. Are you denying it by not bringing me food?”

This man’s audacity. A flicker in your heart. You toy the chicken between your fingers hundreds of thoughts running at a million speed. Is he insinuating what your overworking brain is thinking?

“Why don’t you bring me food? You can tend to me to,” you pick up the chicken again, taking a big bite. You are starving for fuck’s sake.

“Is this your way of roping me into your service?” He grabs a tissue, wiping your mouth as you chew. “Not only looks like a baby but is a baby.”

He flicks his eyes to yours, cunningness apparent in them. His face glows watching the pinkness spread across your cheeks.

“Should have opened the door harder,” you grumble under your breath.

Yoon Jeonghan throws his head back, laughing. And man doesn’t his laughter tickle your insides, ending with a smile on your lips too.

—

You aren’t sure how you ended up here. It’s been two months since the reunion dinner. Suddenly there are two adult sized kids bickering in the middle of your flat.

“That’s a lame movie.” Seungkwan points the TV remote at the Godzilla paused in the middle of roaring. Not a pretty sight and you are hundred percent sure those canines are gonna chase you in the dreams tonight.

Jeonghan dramatically clasps his chest, bunching his eyebrows together. “You are saying that to an animal?” He searches for his phone, “should report you to animal protection authorities. Cruel cruel human.”

Seungkwan grabs Jeonghan by the collar who just raises his eyebrow. “What are you saying?”

And cue. Another WWE fight breaks out in your home. You pick up your delicate vase and move your coffee table away from them. Picking up the discarded remote from the floor, you plop on the couch exiting the movie and playing a recently released rom-com.

Twenty minutes into the movie with you actively trying to catch the dialogues over two grown ups bickering, suddenly silence fills in. Did they finally kill each other?

Two men loom over you. You gulp, setting your feet down ready to run. Seungkwan makes a grabby hand for the remote only to be blocked by Jeonghan’s body. He rests his knee on the couch next to you, the other leg between your feet, trapping you.

You hide the remote behind you, not letting go of the chance to watch your most anticipated film. It’s Friday night, it's supposed to be your unwinding time from the week’s stress. And you haven’t tasted peace since Jeonghan started crashing in your spare bedroom regularly—despite having his own huge flat all to himself.

He is a wall taking in Seungkwan’s hits. His fingers trail down your arm with a tickling touch. His fingers grazing your waist before slipping his hand between you and the couch. Seungkwan pushes him and Jeonghan crashes into you. His chest landing on your face. Your grip loosens on the remote momentarily as you try to push him off of you.

He steals the remote from you, walking away in a second. Seungkwan berates you while you catch your breath, still feeling the softness of his shirt.

Jeonghan resumes Godzilla sitting in the middle of the couch. The smirk never leaves his lips.

—

Jeonghan is your unofficial roommate at this point. He is on your mind while grocery shopping and planning the dinners for the coming weeks. He hates greens and you can’t sit through another lecture on how we are stealing animals’ food. Ridiculous, yet you couldn’t help but nod along with his points.

After getting used to his antics’ and finding him sprawled on your couch by the time you are home from the office, it is odd to not see him some days.

You will find yourself sitting on the couch where he should have been and lay there for a few minutes wondering. Asking him will make it easier and can put your overthinking brain to rest. But there’s this meaningless fear of him finding out your crush.

He is not home today, and the TV isn’t playing in the background. It is friday and usually he is at home, waiting for you. A sigh escapes your lips as you drop the keys in the bowl and neatly line up your shoes. You pause by the couch staring at the empty couch, what is he up to?

Your shoulders snag realizing there is no movie night today. You can’t slowly find yourself resting against him, some days on his lap falling asleep as he runs his fingers across your hair. Is he on a date? Did he find someone? Is that why he is not with you now?

Sadness engulfs you, the thought alone rattling your peace. What will you do if you see him with someone else? This whatever that is between you two is doomed to begin with. Seungkwan has been relentless about his hatred for your crush, throwing warnings everytime possible.

“He is not right for you. I never saw him with the same girl.” Seungkwan’s words are an echo in your mind. “You deserve more than him.”

But you want Yoon Jeonghan. Whatever or however he is. You like him as he is.

He doesn't reciprocate the same, apparently. You never find him looking at you twice or bringing up dating or anything he usually does. You heard stories of him but not one of them playing out in reality. Does he not see you as a girl? Are you his bro?

Before you can spiral into your downfall you rush into the shower to clean yourself of the miseries.

—

One hour into a refreshing bath and re-energized version of you, you step out of the shower only to find you forgot to bring in change of clothes. Wrapping a towel around your wet body you open the bathroom door to rush into your bedroom.

Watching over your steps trying not to slip and meet the floor, your eyes are rooted on the floor. A rustle of a bag of chips falling on the ground startles you.

Yoon Jeonghan is standing across the hallway still clad in his work suit, his lips parted and gaze scanning over you slowly, lingering. You grab onto the knot holding your towel tightly, the sound of your heart too loud even to your ears. With a shriek you rush into your room slamming the door behind you.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck.” You pull your hair in frustration.

Did he see you?

Of course he did. He couldn’t move his eyes off of you.

“Ugh.” You groan into void. How to face him again?

You are prancing around your room—clothed, you learnt your lesson now. Wasting time inside so that magically the night will deepen and he falls asleep. You will go out once everything is clear to grab some food. Your stomach growls, not agreeing to the timeline.

Jeonghan knocks on your door, “come out.”

“No.” The answer is swift, surprising yourself.

“I ordered chicken and beer.”

He can’t know the cheat code to your weakness. How does he know it’s your favorite? You didn’t mention it to him. Did you?

He raps his knuckles again on the door. “Come on.”

You trace the doorknob pondering. Your stomach growls yet again. You turn the knob opening the door, Jeonghan is leaning against the door frame, his suit jacket missing and the top three buttons of his dress shirt undone.

You avoid his eyes, tucking your wet hair behind your ear. He inches towards you, lingering for a second before walking back into the living room.

The dinner passes in silence, the usual chatterbox Jeonghan is concentrating more on his chicken. You frown when he lets you pick the movie without a fight or random game. Not wanting to let go of the golden chance you choose the cheesiest chick flick to rile him up. Only for him to watch it without a comment.

In the middle of the movie, amidst the hero and heroine yelling their love for each other, Jeonghan’s hands rest over yours. When the couple on screen is kissing, he interlocks his fingers with yours.

—

“I can’t believe you!” Yoon Jeonghan is pacing around your living room. “Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“Why are you yelling?” You shout back and shrink back into the corner of the couch receiving a glare from him.

“Why? Why?!” He marches towards you, gripping your cheeks. “You exactly know why. Don’t play dumb.”

A storm is brewing in his black eyes, but still pretty, and still lovely. This is the exact reason you did what you did. Went on a date arranged by Seungkwan.

It was okay. Your date was plain, boring. Ending the date quickly, you came home only to find a fuming Jeonghan.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You push his chest, he doesn’t budge. “Let go, Jeonghan.”

“She doesn’t know,” his voice is low, threatening. “Sneaking into my bed middle of night thinking I don’t know, and leaving before I wake up, what does that mean?”

He curls the stray strand behind your ear, “stealing looks, clothes. What is my hoodie doing in your closet, baby?”

“I’m not sure.” You fluster, gripping onto the couch, pushing yourself back into it as much as you can, away from him.

“How was he?” He pushes your chin up, “look at me.”

“Why do you care?” You snap. “You don’t even care. I am going crazy because you don’t even care—mmmph.”

He shuts you up, crashing his lips on yours. You imagined this moment countless nights, on your bed restless and desperate. He would do it slowly, sweetly just how he is with you. But you were wrong. His kisses are feral, biting and, and, so, so Jeonghan.

He bites on your lower lip, soothing the sting with his tongue. You gasp, your tongues clashing for dominance. Slowly you follow his dance, letting him lead. You are sprawled on the couch, Jeonghan hovering over you, his knee nuzzled just right between your legs.

He breaks the kiss, a wet string of saliva trailing behind his lips. The storms in his black eyes shifted into starry eyes, ethereal, luring you right into him.

“Pretty boy.” You cup his cheek. He leans into your touch, closing his eyes, inhaling big gulps of air. “Mine.”

His eyes snap open, a glimmer, possessiveness shining in them. He shifts, his knee pressing into your core. A moan spills from your lips before you can stop it, eyes fluttering shut from the bliss. He presses further extracting moan after moan.

His name, a prayer, chanting the entire night as he makes sure you know just how much he cares.

—

“Don’t panic,” Jeonghan chuckles at your panicky self, rummaging through the first aid kit. “It’s just blood.”

You slam the cotton on the coffee table, glaring at him. The smile drops off his face seeing the unshed tears. A sour taste spreads across his mouth, he doesn’t like it. He hates seeing you cry, he realized.

You weren’t a crybaby, even during the fights and silent treatment you didn’t cry. His heart softens, grasping the meaning, oh, you love him. If you asked Jeonghan later on which moment solidified his love for you, he would point out this exact moment.

You tenderly tend his bruised hands and legs, wiping your eyes with your sleeves. Once neatly bandaged you put back everything in the kit not meeting his eyes.

He calls your name. You shake your head. He sighs, pulling you onto his lap not heeding your warnings. He circles his arms around your waist, resting his face in your chest.

“Home.”

—

You wake up with a jerk, heart beating against your chest like you were running a marathon. Squeezing yourself out of the tangled blanket, you wipe the wetness off your face, eyes.

Jeonghan. You dreamt of him. It’s been so long since you have seen his smile, the dream Jeonghan was your Jeonghan, the one you fell in love with.

It’s the day after his birthday, you want, need, to check who he celebrated it with. Who took your place in his life. You trudge to the living room searching for the phone, a dull pound in your temples slowing your body. Why did you have to drink?

The phone is lying on the kitchen counter next to your bag, and you see notifications from Seungkwan. Twenty messages and three calls. You swipe off his ‘don’t do anything stupid’ messages and open your fake account.

You sit on your knees, pushing your hair away from your eyes. It would be a lie to say you aren’t scared. If he has a girl again you don’t know how you would stomach it. Your thumb shivers before clicking on his profile.

No update. No story. Or any post. You sit back on your butt staring at the dry profile. Did he finally choose to go private? Or did he figure out that bloom_234 is you?

Or what if he didn’t have any girl last night.

You click on his contact, still blocked. Should you unblock him? He doesn’t even know if you unblocked him, it’s been more than a half year. You unblock him before nerves get you. Or Seungkwan.

—

“He is still sulking,” Seungkwan’s girlfriend rolls her eyes, “you know how he is.” She says with an exasperated sigh, summing up the childish acts of her boyfriend.

It’s Sunday, and it’s been a week since you unblocked Jeonghan. He didn’t realise it just as you expected. You weren’t going to push it, or beg him this time. At least you leveled up one bit from being a pathetic loser to a loser.

Call with Seungkwan has become inevitable as he threatened to revoke your right to be one of his groomsmen. He proposed to his long time girlfriend last weekend.

“You would have known if you picked up my calls.” He berates when you pout about missing out on a precious moment.

His girlfriend who was already brighter than the sun is shining like a thousand suns combined in her. The green feeling births inside your chest and you snuff it out before it can blazes over.

“I’m so happy for you.” Your eyes prick from the overflowing emotions. “So so happy.”

You really are. Seungkwan and you have been attached to each other since high school, seen every phase, every embarrassing moment and every key event of each other’s lives. And now marriage.

They both smile endearingly at each other, Seungkwan kisses her ring clad finger before turning to you with a serious expression. Uh-oh.

“What were you doing all these months? Why are you avoiding me?”

You flip the pancake, pressing on it with spatula. “I didn’t avoid you.” You hold the phone away from your face, “I was busy getting used to a new place and settling in. Mind you of the fact I have to set up everything on my own.”

Seungkwan barks into the phone, his voice loud to your quiet apartment. “You are avoiding me now. Show me your face.”

You wince, setting the spatula down and picking up your phone. “Happy?”

“This is exactly how a guilty person looks.” He sits up from the bed, rubbing his swollen face, “spill.”

“Spill what?” You sweat, despite the cold autumn breeze flowing in through your balcony. “Ah, there’s new love blooming in my office. Cute I have to say. Didn’t confess yet, but they are on their way.

“Can you believe Hansol also tried ‘Get Love Quick’ only to be paired with a man?” You continue not giving a second for Seungkwan to budge in. If he knows you have opened the gate to Jeonghan again, he will manifest himself next to you in mere seconds. “Well, that’s that. Anyway, Sunhee is excited that they are going out this friday. She said some place but I don’t remember where it is.”

Seungkwan calls your name in a warning.

“What?” You whine, turning off the stove, leaning on the kitchen counter. “What else do you want me to do? I made new friends, I am not wallowing in self-pity, and I am not saying no to blind dates. What else do you want Boo Seungkwan? Should I write off my life now?”

“Did you talk with Yoon Jeonghan? Again?” Seungkwan discards your rant like removing a cherry from a cake.

“I didn’t!”

“Guys. Guys.” Seungkwan’s girlfriend snatches the phone from him. “You have to chill,” she chides her boyfriend. “And you,” she gets down the bed and walks out of the room, away from Seungkwan. “He is just worried about you. You literally ghosted us for months. You know how he gets.”

You hold the bridge of your nose, letting out a long exhale. “Yeah, I am sorry.” You pick your breakfast to your couch. “It’s just.. Its too much. I mean I am human, what if I did text him,” you quickly add, noticing her alarmed expression, “I didn’t. Hypothetically, I am saying. He isn’t a bad person, you know.”

“If he was so bad, why would I,” you trail off, not seeing the point in explaining yourself again and again to someone who just couldn’t get you. “Enough about me. How’s the celebrations going on? How did your family react to the engagement?”

She lets the topic change with a side glance. “They knew about it. He met my family and asked for their permission.” She huffs in disbelief, a smile on her face, “I can’t believe my family knows how to shut up. Usually, we kims are very bad at keeping secrets.”

“I had to prepone the date a week,” Seungkwan joins in, resting his chin on her shoulder, “her sister almost spilled the beans and I was pissing in pants the entire time. You had to be there to see it.”

You chuckle, taking a bite of the pancake. “I missed it all, didn’t I? I am sorry, I wasn’t there to help you with your big moment.”

“That’s okay,” Seungkwan brushes it off, his girl bobbing her head. “My big moment will be in six months, and I am gonna kill you if you miss it.”

You screech, dropping your fork to the carpet. You promise him to be there with him for planning and executing everything, letting him verbally bind you to a contract having you to be a slave for him as long as he wants if you miss even a small event.

You should’ve stopped yourself, should’ve seen the red light glaring but you concede away blind in happiness.

—

Universe is plotting against you. The series of misfortunate events should speak for itself. It started with a client imposing an urgent task, throwing you off your work schedule. Your heater at home crashed forcing you to experience a free simulation of how raw chill autumn nights work. The repairman is out of town, ranaway to marry the love of his life. Administration is on look out for a replacement. And, you had to catch the new love birds making out at the staircase.

Awkward is just another word as you currently sit at your desk avoiding your juniors. You weren’t mad per say seeing them break rules it's more of a shock, like seeing your sister make out. Sunhee has grown close to you over the days, especially after the disastrous night of her taking care of you.

“Come on,” she swivels her chair next to you, “till when are you going to run away. I am sorry!”

“What? Who?” You blink at her feigning innocence after almost reaching for the bleach to clean your eyes. “Did something happen that I should know of?”

Hansol stretches his body, walking away from you guys with his hands in pockets and whistling his way out. Sunhee grumbles under her breath, “scaredy-cat.” She turns to you, eye-to-eye. You push your chair away from her slowly, scared for your life. “You are almost 30, and you act like you haven’t seen a kiss or kissed someone.”

That hurts your pride. “What?!”

She has a teasing lilt, “but that couldn’t be true.” Her eyes shine, mimicking you, “‘Hannie, Hannie, my Hannie will like Yangsan’.”

You shove her face off of you. “Shut up. We are in the office. And I am your senior. I can easily report you—”

“Who is he?”

“I have a deadline. And you have one too.” You roll her away to her desk. “If you could go back to working I’ll be happy that I won’t need to pull another all-nighter.”

She is back at your side in a beat. “Who is he? Tell me. It’s only fair since you know all of my love story—”

“Only because you shove it in my face even when I don’t want to—”

“—I won’t stop pestering you until you go on a date.”

“Don’t you have a boyfriend? I’m flattered that you find me attractive but I like men.”

“Ha. Ha. Funny.” She folds her arms, “on a blind date. With a man. That’s the only requirement for you right?”

“Excuse me!” You are offended yet again. “My bar isn’t as low as you think. I’m one sophisticated woman.”

“This Sunday at 6. Be ready.” She rolls away humming a song.

Did you just get blackmailed into a date?

—

The restaurant is bustling. You check the message from Hansol again to confirm your date is at the expensive restaurant of Yangsan. Checking up on the details of the restaurant, you had to recheck the city and pin code to make sure it’s in the city.

People in their fifties, pepper hair and classy suits, a woman on their arm, file in and out of the wooden doors. You press the black velvet dress, smoothing down your jitters. It’s been so long since you dined in a fine restaurant. Three years to be exact.

How bad does your date want to impress you to choose this place? Can you back out now? Is it too late?

He’s waiting.

-Hansol

You groan reading the text. There’s no way out of it now. You put the phone back in your purse clicking it shut. Rounding your shoulders you get ready for the date, it’s going to be alright. You flick your hair back, pulling your dress a little higher and you climb the steps to the door. A sweet valet parker beats you in opening the door for you. Mumbling a thank you, you wait for the attendee to finish up talking with an elderly couple.

“Welcome!” The lady dressed in a red jacket and red lipstick beams at you.

With a small smile, you check the message from Hansol again. “Hey. My reservation is for table 17?”

She checks her iPad scrolling through her list before leading you through the oak tables, servers tending to customers, different scents of food hitting your nostrils, awakening your dead hunger. All the anxiety numbed you from the usual munching of your snacks, and the dread of the date now settled in your stomach. You may throw up if food hits your stomach but you may faint if you don’t eat anything in the next hour. Workings of your body never leaves you amazed.

“Here you are,” she points to the empty chair, her red lips still stretched wide in a smile.

You look up from your phone reading the sender’s name. Seungkwan. “Thank you,” you bow to the lady. Your phone vibrates in your hand, your life tilted on the axis seeing the man sitting at your table, supposed to be your date.

Yoon Jeonghan is occupying the other chair watching you with his hooded eyes, hard to read, hard to decipher his feelings. You hold the woman’s shoulder before she can leave you two. “Are you sure this is table 17?”

Her perfect grin slips, a frown dancing on her face, checking the iPad yet again. “I am sure. This is the table. Is there any problem?”

Jeonghan shifts in his chair uncomfortably. You made the mistake of meeting his eyes, the darkness in them pulled you in, his eyebrows pulled in, and a breath escaping his parted lips. You can't believe that you are again here, in the same situation as few months ago, set up with Jeonghan coincidentally. He anticipates your decision, not saying a word or asking you to join him. Should you go along with this dinner or take a turn and make a run?